learn to trust

that it isn’t learning and never will be learning. I have met people who do not trust, and I have in the past wondered if their model is not more rational or intelligent than mine.

It is neither. I have innate trust and cannot help but get great extra joy out of it if it is given to or asked of me.
It doesn’t mean that everyone I meet will handle this trust as carefully as I would like. And I would not allow anyone to perpetually stomp over a perfectly beautiful trust. But ultimately, for good or bad, anyone I trust should come away with the knowledge that in their life, there was one person at the very least, who trusted them.

And now my goal has to be marked complete. It will never change.

Believe that people can be trusted and that Love again is a possibility.

O I met someone a day or so ago, and though I did not know what to expect, I trusted that all would flow and that at the very least I owed it to both of us to be myself, to be authentic, and to merge the two goals of trust and authenticity into one.

I couldn’t have had a better time. The reason that everything glowed with joy was that I knew we both trusted each other with a simple jumping in with both feet kind of trust. No holds barred!

I know we’ll have a special friendship because of it, and I am positively beaming from my heart.

it’s an absolute and not a learned lesson or parlor-trick. Actually I lie – it is a parlor trick. One has one’s faith, and though there are no visible props to keep perpetuating one’s trust, it balances and buoys one. It needs no precedent or guarantee.

are sometimes difficult for me. I am not intellectually quiet by nature, and balk at the stacking of silent hours while I wonder and think and worry over others and become tempted to poke holes in my own trust. It is as if I cannot trust myself to trust properly.
I should know how it’s done. I should walk away with the knowledge that true and real trust is expected of me as a gift, and I shall earn reciprocal trust by my own expectationless virtue.

I pledge not to let this trust falter. I will insist on trusting in return, no matter how hard the terrain is, how daunting the journey. I trust this Trust is mutual and reciprocal.

The cosmos is sending conflicting signals, but I buffered ‘em.

but being led to vulnerability does not mean that trust is easy or guaranteed infinitely. I would rather, at times, be impermeable and self-protective.

I used to trust openly, but once I got a job, I viewed teh world in a different way.
You know nothing of the people who come through your drivethru everyday..until your boss says..”he’s a child molester” now ever time you try to get him away as fast as possible..or just the intents of people..to get free things. sleezey people.

then theres the boyfriend. the ones who’s broken your hearts too many times to count. but…hmmmmm…

oh well.

I can’t help expecting the worst from people. When someone is being nice to me, I would suspect his or her motivation, or think this is not going to last long and believe they will let me down in the end. cuz it has happened like this for way too many times. You think you found some friends reliable but they turn out to be so disappointing. You found someone you thought was special and trustworthy, and then got betrayed and cheated..

I just don’t have faith in people anymore. Maybe it’s the hurts and betrays I’ve got in the past..

I know I can’t go on like this, but it’s just so difficult to open up and trust again.