overcome body dysmorphic disorder

I looked up some books online about BDD and I found two that look helpful so I’m going to go to the book shop and buy them this weekend.

Both of them are written by the same Author. One is called Broken mirror and the other is called Understanding body dysmorphic disorder.

Since nothing has really helped me overcome this in the last 8 years I figured it couldn’t hurt to try reading.

Edit- Since reading his whole book my review is that it’s a really good book for understanding the illness properly. And I could identify with other peoples experiences with BDD. But this book is just explaining what BDD is in medical terms, and hearing what people with BDD go through and what worked for them. And different ways to treat it. It basically said that Cognitive behavioral therapy or therapy won’t work by itself, but when combined with medication that’s the best solution. And taking medication alone also worked. The book said they haven’t studied BDD well enough to know more yet.

I was a bit disappointed because I don’t want to take medication and I won’t . So does that mean I’m going to be like this forever . I want to see if I can find some more books on BDD, not in medical terms like from a therapists point of view like this book was. But maybe from a patients point of view.

I’ve always been really weird about the way i look. It started a couple years ago, actually. I’ve always hated my skin, and hair especially, a girl whose had bad acne and was made fun of for years. And my hair has never been like anyone else’s. Kinky curls, thick and wild. I could never manage it and i hate when people make comments. Id rather not be noticed. I HATE being noticed and when people bring up something about the way I look. In elementry school, I’d look in the windows of the school to make sure i was okay, If anything was out of place or not. But lately, its been getting worse, and its weird things at different moments. Especially with my body, thighs. Weird things.

I always wear makeup (can’t go without concealer)and eye makeup, because I feel it distracts from the flaws of my skin.

My eating patterns are so messed up now. I only eat when i feel i deserve it. And to feel that way i do certain rituals every morning and before bed about my body. My legs mostly. I get ready in 2 hours becuase i’m constantly changing clothes. My mother gets mad. She buys me things and i don’t wear them. Because I feel so fat in them. I constantly look in the mirror, and i refuse to look at pictures. Because I look so different in them, than i do in the mirror.

I’ve tried to talk to my friends, but its hard becuase they just don’t see what I see. I’m always afraid people are going to think I’m shallow, or vain. So i get paranoid when i look in the mirror. I’m afraid people will notice me picking at things and staring at myself. I’m at the point where i constantly compare myself to others, and i want to hide all the time. I HATE girls, i feel so uncomfortable, and i hate myself for noticing other girls and comparing..I can’t concentrate anymore becuase my thoughts drift to what i hate about myself. What i feel i can fix. I want to change so badly, and its all i think and obsess over.

I’d really appreciate some advice, becuase as a 14 year old, I feel this is only going to get worse.. Should I tell a doctor? Becuase I’m too afraid to tell my family.

I thought I was past this , but there will always be times where I will refuse to leave the house if I don’t believe I look presentable enough. This is going to be extremely difficult when I start working again .

I was supposed to go shopping with my mum today , I didn’t get any sleep last night and I was extremely tired so my eyes were dry . I put on all my make up, did my hair , picked out the right clothes finally and got dressed. Then I kept taking pictures of myself with my camera like I do every time before I leave the house , just beforehand . Because what I see in the mirror looks better than what it looks like on camera. And the camera is a more realistic view of myself . I take pictures in every angle making sure my make up is immaculate and I don’t look fat in my clothes. It’s so time consuming .

So I didn’t go out today because I thought I looked chubby, and I was angry about the way my nose looked. And I just didn’t like the way my make up looked either. I had a nose job 7 weeks ago and I still have scar tissue on both sides. It doesn’t look right yet. But I don’t know if my mood was affected because I was so sleep deprived and I had 2 energy drinks in the morning . Usually that makes things a lot worse. I feel devastated about my looks right now. I’m going to my appointment with the psychologist tomorrow so hopefully that helps a bit .

Can’t believe it’s been 6 months since my last posting, and not much has changed. My skin still flares up, of course not as bad as when I was a teen and although I know there’s nothing much I can do, seeing myself in the mirror it STILL really knocks me back from going out of the house. Not so much the acne any more but it’s really the scaring left behind from those years that I see now and that looks so awful. And it’ll just look worse as I get older so I’m considering having resurfacing done or something when the acne has gone. It might seem frivolous but I realise now that this is a real issue that totally effects the way I can life my life. It effects my confidence and my perception of myself. I’m really tired of it and want to change.

The other thing that still is a dominating issue is my posture. But this is certainly something I can work on to correct now and feel better about. I just wish I can stop dragging my feet on this one and start working on it. I think it’s time.

Maybe all this nit picking on my outer appearance it deflecting away from the real issues. That is probably so. But I just can’t see a root cause for it, it just seems simple; the start of the problem – my acne as a teen caused me to lose confidence in myself and so feel worthless. Clear up the acne and its associated probs (scarring) now and my confidence will come back. Or will I just move onto something else to mull over? That is the danger, so I guess you could say that I need to make peace with myself as I work through my outer problems.

I don’t think I’m ever going to overcome this no matter what I do . I’m just going to have to accept this into my lifestyle like I’ve been doing for the past 9 years . I think it’s just a part of who I am and it’s never going to change .

If anything it was a lot worse when I was younger and as I’m getting older while it is still pretty full on, it’s not as bad as it was then . I have been housebound agoraphobic for almost 3 years now because of my BDD. I think it will get better as I age, but then again it could always go the other way and get worse when I get wrinkles. Lol oh well, that’s what face lifts are for lol . When I reach a certain age where looks don’t matter anymore that’s when I think I’ll overcome it , when I’m too old to care anymore . Maybe when I’m in my 70’s . As for now I’m just going to have to learn to live with it .

I developed BDD in my teens, firstly it was because of my skin. I developed acne at the time and that really knocked me down, I couldn’t bare to look in mirrors, couldn’t bare to do out and eventually found staying in the better option. Although the acne has cleared up, and not like it was, the scars, and the state of my skin still haunts me, and all those old ills come flooding back when I get ready to go somewhere (normally they win and I don’t end up going out).

Now I think the state of my posture is a real concern for me. I can’t stand to be all slumped over and I want to be graceful in the way I carry myself. The way you hold yourself reveals alot and I fear that I give much away about my anxieties in the way I’ve been carrying myself, and the last thing I want is to have my feelings of not being good enough & feeling a fraud, to be revealed beyond myself.

im far too obsessive.
it takes me like 2 hours to get ready for tafe….it used to take me half a day.
i have to be a perfectionist about the way i am presented, i want people to know who i am by looking at me.my make up, clothing etc….they arent just accesories, they represent who i am.

i pick at my skin when theres nothing there…

i only spend hours getting ready because i hate myself, not because ilove myself.

i think body dysmorphic disorder is hating your phisical appearence to the point of obsession.