Speak up, speak out!

I have been so quiet throughout my life,never able to speak in front of others,usually it’s easy for me to speak up when there’s only one or two people are in front of me but when their no. increases I become so shy and interrovert that I am not able to utter even a single word.
Even if I speak this is just the spluttering which makes me feel embrassed.This all is having a bad impression on my colleages.
But now it’s a start to destroy this habit of mine and now as I know that MY COLLEAGES HAVE SEEN THE WORST PART OF MY SPEAKING SKILLS so there’s nothing more worst than that.So I should at least give it a try.
Expecting big things in first try have resulted in failures,so I will start with a small thing.I will start speaking with different colleages with whom I usually don’t talk,I will ask them different things as a first step.

I’m now comfortable with openly expressing what’s on my mind. Even through the hesitations I can assert my thoughts. For me, this goal is about valuing myself and giving myself a voice to actively participate in life. The next goal is to confidently show the world the vibrant self that I know I am.

I just had the realization that this goal is also about not saying things just to say things. It’s about meaning what I say and being silent when I mean to be silent. Ultimately, this is about being in truth; whether it’s with words or silence, the truth must be the driver.

I’m finding that I can go back and speak out after the moment’s passed. I used to feel that I had to grab the moment and make my say, and after that it was over. But lately I’ve been going back to people and saying, “I’ve been thinking about this, and…” This re-opens the conversation and I’m right back in. Great! This means it’s never over, I can always go back, and the door is always open.

I’m doing this. Everyday I’m getting stronger and speaking out more. I’m becoming comfortable with putting my ideas out into the world.

Even though my voice was squeaky today I still spoke out. It’s really about intention, not the sound of my voice. I felt confident in what I said; so it was taken with seriousness. This whole time I was so focused on the actual sound of my voice that I overlooked intention: where the words were coming from. Whenever our words come from a place of genuineness, they’ll be heard with acceptance.

Knowing that I have knowledge and value to contribute is giving me the strength to speak up and out. It’s really easier now. Not having to be perfect in everything, and knowing that others are not perfect. Accepting this is the way toward growth. I can learn much faster with other people’s input which I can only get if I share my thoughts. I get this. It’s about sharing my ideas, knowing there is value in my words and it helps others when I share them. Yes. Yes. Yes. I get this!

Achieving this goal means letting go of perfection, of wanting to be accepted by all. It’s impossible to hold onto the desire to be perfect in everyone’s eyes and still speak up and out. Impossible. There’s too much editing and hesitation in that desire. I’m starting to let go of it and accepting that I will not be perfect in everything I say nor is anyone else. But other people continue to express themselves despite not always saying the most intelligent things.

I rarely look outward to see the imperfections around me, all I see are my own and it’s an enormous weight on my voice. So I hold back hoping that it’ll give me a chance to find the right words, but then the time passes and I feel I’ve missed my chance, and then I feel even worse by chastising myself for not being stronger. It’s an exhausting cycle to travel on. I want to get off. I have so much to offer. Lately, I’ve been feeling freer to speak up and to defend what I say because my words have as much weight as everyone else’s.

I noticed today that I’m really doing this at work. There’s much less hesitation to speak my mind. Sometimes there’s some nerves beforehand and most often I’ll go ahead and say what I want to say anyway. Feeling like a have the right to speak up and be heard helps immensely. This is something that’s new for me and I’m going to explore it more in the coming weeks.

It feels like I’m 80% of the way to accomplishing this goal. Most times, I say what I mean and what’s in my head in the moment. The remaining 20% are hesitations that come up during confrontations, even small ones, that I avoid by not speaking up. I’m working on this. Forward and onward! Ha!