get over an unrequited love

So I fell so head over heels with someone and it took me four years to get over him. 4 years of putting my life on hold, crying almost every day, 4 years of endless sleepless nights, being socially withdrawn, 4 years of total misery.

Then one day I told myself that I was going to get over him… and some how it happened. I didn’t think of him anymore, It didn’t hurt anymore.

I was finally free for about 1 year, I was FREE. I felt as if I had never felt better.

I changed jobs and things were going well. But then someone new started at my company! My first assessment was that I would not be affected by him! How wrong I was. He was the perfect man. Sweet, Caring, Sensitive, thoughtful, polite and in touch with people’s feelings.

It’s happening all over again. It’s been one year. I’ve told him how I feel, but he doesn’t feel the same. It’s slowly killing me, I can’t keep doing this. I need to move on. Every night I get home and he is on my mind. when he hurts, I feel his pain. I’m trying so hard to get over him, but it’s not working! The fact that I see him everyday at work doesn’t help either.

I wish the hurt would just stop. I wish there was just a way to forget. he is the only want I want… he is better than the one above. I can’t do this anymore.. I can’t put my life on hold for a second time. Why is it so unfair! Why can’t love just conquer all… why doesn’t love prevail no matter what.

Why can’t it just be simple: I love you because you love me.

What’s wrong with me? Why is this happening again, and how long will it take! Oh, please not another 4 years!

For too long I have wallowed in self pity, consumed by the feelings of worthlessness and anxiety over not being able to gain the love or even the good friendship of a particular girl. I met her in the second year of university and its has been over a year since I graduated. I have annoyed my friends with the incessant discussions on this topic and formed too many self-created illusions of hope where none clearly exist. I do not want unrequited love to have a bigger part in my life than reciprocal relationships, be that friendship or more. I need to realize she is no more special than any other person, despite my strong feelings to the contrary, and that it is infact possible to meet someone who will be as smart, funny and nice as she is or I have made her out to be.

I need to focus on the goals I want for my own life, be happy with who I am and not place her on a pedestal above all others, even my own emotional well-being.

I almost can’t believe it but I’m finally – finally – FINALLY over him. For real! I wish there was some magic formula for this – but it just takes time. Sometimes it’ll take months – but if you’re anything like me you might relapse and it’ll end up taking years. You just have to be patient with yourself. This too shall pass. I promise.

Things that helped – I stopped talking about him and looking for him online. Deep down I know that he isn’t the one for me and amazingly when 2008 left my feelings for him seemed to get left behind as well. They just melted away. I try not to spend too much time thinking about why that is – I’m just thankful that it is.

True enough – he was the first person that I had such intense feelings for- so he will always be apart of my history – a part of my past. But that’s where I’m leaving him – in the past.

I’m finally free….

If anyone has any tips about this I’d be grateful. Any books or experiences that helped get over this?

I was with a girl over 6 years ago (for only a couple of months) she asked me to marry her and I said no. I still regret this. She finished it and does not want any contact. I’ve had a long term relationship since but I still think about the girl of 6 years ago.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received

I’ve been trying to do this for ages
and the other day i just had an ‘epiphany type moment’ and started making some positive steps.

i got rid of the photos and things that i was holding onto…and I’m starting to feel a lot more positive.

i think I’m finally going to be able to do it this time :)

Ugh. I am still not over it! It’s been nine months since I met him. NINE MONTHS! Children are made within wombs in nine months! How long will it take me to get over him? December 31st is my goal.

I haven’t slept in two weeks, and that’s not an exaggeration.
I don’t want to move on, in fact at this point I refuse to.
But I hope something changes.

I cannot wait to be over him. I just want to be over this. I really like him and for some strange reason “he’s just not that into me”. It is frustrating, but one day I will be O-V-E-R I-T. And I cannot wait until that day…

but as it turns out, I’m not. I went and looked up all the information I could find on him through various social networks. Why did I do that??!? It’s been years since we’ve had contact. You’d think that since I know that this guy never felt the way I did for him that getting over this would be a piece of cake.

I read through the last comments and boy can I relate. I remember the comparisons every time things went bad. The question in my mind that if I had to make a choice who would I pick. It’s that question that defines the parameters of love for me. Sad huh? It’s like my life has just been a sequence of unrequited love relationships and it’s that rejection that somehow can change the answer to that questions, “If I had to make the choice. . . . ” Then I wonder why my relationships fail? – Stupid -

Even now just writing it makes me have to face my responsibility in the loss of my relationships. Not that my actions have ever been a reason for ending a relationship. I guess my expectations are too high and I do everything I’m “supposed to” but I don’t ever realize how much my heart is in it until it’s broken. It’s my lack of vulnerability during my relationships that leaves me completely vulnerable when it’s gone. . . .

I think about the things that I could have done different, and then realize that even if I would have, it doesn’t change the fact that he just doesn’t love me. His actions are clear, and still I want to believe his words. It’s the way he can look right through me. The way that when he touches me I feel it in my soul. It’s when he smiles at me and says that he loves me that leaves me blind to his disrespect of me. I make excuses for him and I refuse to give up hope that when he cries in my arms that what he says is true. Then one day after hoping and loving and praying and staying stong he says . . . . “I’m sorry, I don’t love you and I haven’t for a very long time.” Then why did he stay? Why did he waste my time? and months go by and you have to keep wondering. . . Why does he keep coming back? I just want to scream – he says he doesn’t love me but he also won’t let me go. Why?

Why won’t I accept the fact that this sick cycle is not good for me, why won’t I stop loving him? Why do I keeping hoping that someday he’ll realize what he’s lost . . . his family. What can I do to ensure that this doesn’t ruin my boys?

I did good for a long time and felt like had moved on. I was content with lots of little bits of happiness. My boys, work and friends gave me a real sense of contentment. Then he came back and I let him right in all over again, and right now even though I know that he’d just hurt us all, all over again – I don’t know if I have the strength to not do it again.

Maybe I’m just addicted to the pain. . . so it’s been suggested, but only by person’s who lurk like vultures at my door, just waiting for me let my guard down so they can try to move into my husbands shoes. I makes me sick -

Oh, and for that woman who is in love with a married man, just put yourself in her shoes, what would you want from him if you were her?