smacey tis the season :)
this past christmas break my mom told me that it is possible that i have a half brother out there in the world. its all a little fucked up, my whole seems like the plot of a soap opera. my dad died 15 years ago when I was two. I have two older sisters, who are 6 and 7 years older. his death is a whole other story, anyways. some time around last thanksgiving I answered the phone and it was a women with a jersey accent and a not-so-nice attitude. I gave my mom the phone without thinking anything of it. then when she tells us around Christmas, my god i had no idea. I had no idea how to react. Apparently the woman who had called was the woman who thinks her son is my father’s. She is dying of cancer, and her son won’t really have any family left so she called while she thought it might be the last chance to connect him to us. Its kind of hard to tell if he really is my father’s son considering a blood sample wouldn’t be so easy to get. But I don’t think that is the point. Anyways, my mom has known about him for a long time. She knew his mother before my mom and dad were married. I think its really hard for my mom to process because she never heard about my maybe half-brother until after my dad died. It all came up when my dad left my maybe-half brother money in his will. My mom had no idea until the reading of the will, and then she heard from his mother. It wasn’t until 15 years later that any of my sisters or I had heard anything of him. Its so complicated. One of my sisters doesn’t really want anything to do with him. The other is only a little curious. I understand that sharing DNA doesn’t make you family but I can only imagine how he feels right now. He grew up without a father, without meeting his father, without getting a chance. Now his mother is dying. I have my sisters to help me as I’m going through this new idea that I have a brother, but he has no one else. He has known about us his whole life. I feel sorry for him. I do feel sorry and a little interested in what he might be life. But I really don’t know if I can handle meeting him. I’ve talked to him a little on facebook but really… what do you say? And, the whole situation with my father’s death was very complicated, my family went through sooo much shit and finding out that i might have a brother kind of changes it. I don’t mean to sound selfish, but I hardly knew my father and I’ve shared the idea of him with my two sisters but adding another brother kind of makes it seem less… something. I always thought that my sisters were the only ones in the world who could have any idea what I was going through and now that just seems like maybe its changed. I don’t know. I really don’t want to be selfish but its hard not to be. I barely remember my father and its kind of like i want to be a little kid and say “hes MY dad, not yours”. Its dumb but i feel that way. But then I think of how he has had it. Although he has had the advantage of not really losing a father when he never really had one in the first place… ah i don’t know how to deal with this. any advice would be greatly appreciated. oh, and just to let you know, my father didn’t sleep with that woman while he was with my mother. He did before. My mayube brother’s mother apparently told my dad about her prengancy and he didn’t really do anything about it. Which i’m not sure how i feel about that but I can’t be too upset because if he had been with her, well I wouldn’t be alive. I don’t even know if that is the truth because we only have the woman’s word to go by. Who knows maybe she told him after my dad already was married to my mom. ahhh what do i dooo?!
