make it through the day without crying or fighting back tears

crying isn’t a bad thing. no one gets freaked out about people laughing. that’s an acceptable expression of emotion. why is crying something that is labeled weak?

i want for my mother to be happy and to feel that she is free.

i want for my father to overcome his prostate cancer.

i want for my little sister to fit in at school and learn to live with her learning disabilities and ADHD.

i want for my little brother to learn what maturity is and feel that he has the guidance he needs to find his way through childhood.

i want for my big sister to level out her bipolar disorder.

i want to learn to accept myself and be content with all of this.

It feels as if it has been a long time since I fought back tears multiple times in a day. I have battled a lot in the past 3 years and I believe things are finally settling down. I have accepted all that I have had to go through and corny as it sounds feel stronger for going through them. I will be honest the loss of my brother was my breaking point. I have turned my greif to grace. I have acceoted and understood so much more and seen many things in life through new eyes. I still cry and have a moment or two. But it is nothing like it once was. Healing is a long long process in life. I didn’t think it took that long but it does. I hung in there, no turning to illegal outlets or prescribed outlets just looked with myself and found the strength I knew I had. Life is beautiful and I see that now.

And so the healing process begins.

I thought the tears would never stop! For all kind of reasons they flowed. The right therapist can really help you through the storm! The key for me is to be selfish for a change and go for what I know will make me happy.

I can’t do it, and sometimes I don’t want to…but other times I do…GIRRR

I have been doing really good at this lately. I am seeing this year, that brought a lot of heart ache my way, coming to an end. I believe that next year will hold happier times for me.

So, I think about my brother a lot and that still makes me cry. Its seems that at some point in everyday I cry a lil about him or something great in the past. So I still cry everyday. I want to stop doing that. I just want to feel okay again. And now I am crying typing this so I will stop.

Didn’t make it today! The band man made me start crying. And then made a hundred other emotions go running thru my sad lil head. Thanks A.

really been doing good on this lately even with things going on. I am afraid though I have replaced my sadness with a bit of aggervation. I seem to get so angry so easliy lately. Man I am just messed up sometimes! lol (trying to smile and laugh through it all)