make an effort

I want to make an effort. Making an effort gives me freedom.

It is difficult to know what you want, but once you have an idea about what you want you should be able to do those things you want, and not those things that you don’t want. However, one of the most common problems is what Aristotle once called “Akrasia”, or weakness of will: when we end up doing something we don’t really want.

For instance, let’s suppouse that I realize that what I authentically like is to see people and help them with anything they need. I like to watch football at TV, however, I know that I don’t like it as much as helping other people.
In spite of this, what I end up doing every time is watching TV and not helping other people.

Why?

Because doing what I authentically want requires an Effort. It is easier to stay at our comfrot-zone, doing what we’ve always done. But that is not what fulfills us, so we live with little passion and enthusiasm.

When we make an effort we can really start doing what we authentically want.

That’s why I’ll start making an effort (or at least I’ll start making an effort to make an effort).

Granted, I am not studying as much as I should be. Which, I ALL THE TIME as I am so far behind. Gah. But I am making an effort. Last night I was bored and seriously considered going to the liquor store, getting wine and watching TV, drinking it and sleeping. But I didn’t. I walked to the store for some smokes and to a coffee shop where I drank tea, did my taxes and read for a few hours. I have also learned that Friday nights are the best nights to go to the coffee shops around here because they are empty! I live right by the college, so there are always people everywhere and nary a table to be had most nights. And days for that matter. So, I will be that girl, that goes to coffee shops by herself on Friday and Saturday nights. It actually feels pretty good just to get out of the house. I wish I knew more people.

I have a lot to do. School is very busy and I work tomorrow. But it is midnight and I am going to bed. I didn’t work out but I walked all over hell and did eat healthy today. No drinking either, but I don’t usually drink during the week anyway.

People that complain about their lives but do nothing to change them has always been something that I have listed among my pet peeves. I now find myself one of these people. I drink too much, I have gained weight, I am behind on my schoolwork and have no control over my finances at the moment. This has given me a general air of insecurity, lethargy and negativity.
But for some reason, I seem to be thinking that changes are going to come my way automatically. This is stupid. I am not going to pay off my credit cards by going out to lunch. I am not going to lose weight by eating said lunch, I will not cut down on drinking by having two gin&tonics with said lunch and I will definitely not be studying while swilling gin and eating lunch. With that said, no more lunch. No, just an effort.
Where it is easier to watch TV or surf the net, it is not helping me accomplish anything. Therefore, I am going to start making an effort to improve my life and well-being.