overcome fears

took another step today in trying to overcome one of those biggest fears.. communicating about my emotions or how i feel has always been risky and a hard task for me.. i tend to stuff everything.. go silent.. hide.. runaway from it all or divert my attention desperately somewhere else trying to distract myself so i try “not to feel” whatever it is thats trying to be felt..

well.. today.. i had session with my ther-pist.. it was a hard session.. getting out the words of what i wanted to say.. thought.. or felt seemed to want to flee as soon as they came into mind.. i was scared..

at the end of session i found out.. i was ok.. i was able to say mostly all i wanted to say.. did talk about how i felt and nothing drastic happened.. i mean no huge rocks fell from the sky on me and crushed me flat.. yes there were tears and dont always like crying.. but tears are ok.. their not going to hurt me either..

and also.. things got address and talked about that needed to of..

taking it one day at a time right now is all i have.. its all i have left to do..

i cannot be so hard on myself anymore.. maybe that one needs to be one of my goals on here..

saturday.. i worked on this some.. i was so scared to walk up in the front of my NA homegroup to receive my 30 day keyring.. but i did it.. and… with a smile.. i was still scared.. and really nervous.. but it feels good afterall.. to be able to hold it in my hand as a reminder to myself that i can make it without using.. that im proving this to myself.. and that there are people who believe in me.. care about me.. support me.. and love.. and that i do not walk this journey alone..

i am grateful..

It always help you grow, build self esteem and confidence when you walk though them. No matter how uncomfortable it feels.

Being scared is a very broad statement.
I’m scared of lots of things…
Cars
Driving
People
Crowds of the afore mentioned people
Being alone

I want these fears to not control me anymore.
The end.