drink responsibly

Here again, I’ve gotten help from my injury. Due to the meds I’m taking, I really can’t drink. It’s now been almost a month, and in all that time I think I had two glasses of wine about two weeks ago, and that’s it.

If that’s not drinking responsibly, I’m not sure there is such a thing.

Now that I’m used to tea and carrot juice in the evenings, I’m hoping I’ll be able to keep the alcohol to a lower level when my injury is healed.

Now that The Boy and I have decided to call things quits, I am having something of an epiphany – a major contributing factor to my attitude towards alcohol when he and I were together concerned the fact that I just didn’t feel comfortable with him in social settings (ever), and liquor helped to bridge the gap.

With this realisation, and the end of that relationship, I find that I’m drinking less and drinking better (if I can use that term). I have a glass or two of wine with S and we share and discuss and learn about each other. H, C and I play extended sessions of cards over a bottle of red and laugh until our insides hurt. TG takes me out for cocktails and spectacular memories.

I think it’s fair to say that I’ve reformed my attitude to alcohol. I’m going to mark this as done.

My original implementation of this goal was as something of an extreme knee-jerk reaction after an awful, drunken night with The Boy.

It feels like a cop-out to change the name of this goal, but the issue is not that I am drinking, it’s that I’m drinking too much. There. I said it. Too much in one sitting, too many nights.

I still want to be able to muse with H over a glass of red and discuss the joys of right-wing economics, or get all silly over a pink cocktail with S. But what I need to do is moderate how I drink and do it responsibly.

• Only 1-2 nights a week where I drink at all
• Limiting myself to 3 drinks max on those nights
• Enjoying the social aspects of alcohol-consumption (i.e. not drinking to get drunk)

Furthermore, I’m going to make this goal not just for 30 days, but for good.

Today- nada
Wednesday – One gin/tonic and a glass of wine.
Tuesday- One glass of wine
Monday- nada
Sunday – One glass of wine
Saturday – lots; a couple martinis and a glass of wine
Friday- lots; about 5 glasses of wine
Thursday- one glass of wine
Wednesday – nada
Tuesday – two glasses of wine

I’ve been avoiding 43T lately. I’m not sure why. Some of it is embarrassment, that I’ve not made more progress on my goals. Part of it, too, is just a healthy bit of prioritizing; it’s better to work on my goals than to report their status. And finally I think the biggest part is that I’ve had other distractions lately that seem to be taking up the bandwidth in my life that used to be occupied by 43T.

Nevertheless, if I don’t report, I am not accountable, and if I’m not accountable, I’m not going to make progress.

Drinking-

Today – One Guinness with dinner.
Sunday – Nada
Saturday – three glasses of wine
Friday – no record.
Thursday – two gin-sodas
Wednesday – Nada
Tuesday – Nada
Monday – Nada

Not half bad, methinks.

Ok, I want to get more disciplined about tracking this task.

Some specifics in review might help-

Friday – one beer.
Thursday – nada
Wednesday – two glasses of wine
Tuesday – nada
Monday – nada

I would like to cut down on: drinking when alone, and drinking during the week. I’m less concerned about drinking on the weekends.

I’m going to close this goal for now, because drinking doesn’t feel like an issue at all these days. I haven’t had any urge to indulge, and the couple times I have chosen to partake, I’ve kept it to just one – not because I’m consciously self-limiting, but because my body simply doesn’t want any more. Even the thought of ever being drunk again turns me off. Don’t know how it happened, but it sure feels like I’ve turned a corner.

_{Dave, I may be back so if you stick around, hold my place, k?? :o)}

Ok, so I’m going to quit “quit drinking” (again), but this time I’m signing up for “drink responsibly”. I can keep Rinny company, as we attempt to manage the alcohol consumption with whatever clever tricks we can work out.

Last night I had a martini for the first time in about a month. Tonight I’ll drink tea.

My Mom paid her final mortgage payment yesterday … her FINAL PAYMENT! HOW MOMENTOUS? ! ? ! ? ! ? I am immensely proud of her – she has worked harder than anyone I have ever known – literally. She has sacrificed so much, taken risks with courage, and remained determined in the face of many missteps and misfortunes. I truly feel there is no one more worthy of the reward of (relative) freedom that she has just achieved. Obviously, a grand celebration for our family. And celebrate we did! We went to our favorite fancy schmancy restaurant last night and ordered to excess – pan-seared calamari, crisp tamari chicken wontons, tempura sushi rolls, two bottles of wine, the finest gourmet entrees, special coffees, and liqueurs. We eventually had to pour my cute’n’tippy Mom out of the restaurant, she celebrated so … effectively. But me? I am proud to report that I had two glasses of wine over almost four hours, and nothing more to drink. I was able to drive myself home, and had the good sense to not have a hang over this morning.

THAT is what I mean by drink responsibly.

We have a party to go to on Saturday night, and I’m a bit nervous. I haven’t had a drink in five days, and while I’m not trying to quit drinking or anything, I feel really good about this period of abstinence. It has been effortless – I just pull ginger ale out of the fridge instead of wine. I’m saving money, calories and sleep. I think my anxiety is a lot better too. So, when M said this morning that he wants to get “silly drunk” at this party on Saturday night, I suggested that I’ll probably drive myself so I can come home when I’m tired. He instantly got exasperated and said “oh here we go again!”, as though I was doing something wrong. I replied (as calmly as possible) with “how does my choice affect your own? If anything, I’m respecting YOUR choices by making sure I have a ride home when I need it – this way you can stay and party all night long if you want to, without my nagging you to take me home”. He reluctantly acknowledged it, and then said that we never see other couples (Perc – you & Mr. P came up) leaving in separate cars. Yeah, well most couples have kids or dogs to get home to. We’re the only ones who insist on staying out ‘til the wee hours, drinking the well dry. Again, a reluctant acknowledgment. Then I explained that with my anxiety attacks and post-alcohol depression, it simply isn’t worth it for me to party like that any more. He said he could understand that, but still, he sounded disappointed in me.

Do I really need this kind of “support” when I’m already struggling to clean up my life? Is there a benefit to having to argue for my right to decide when enough is enough? Maybe there is – maybe my having to defend my reasons for drinking responsibly is good practice for when my will weakens and I have to talk myself back into healthy choices. Yes, that’s a good positive way to spin it.

Still though, I think I’d rather have someone backing me up and cheering my efforts.