find out what makes me happy

One thing most people know about me is my love for hockey; however, most people don’t understand WHY I have this love. Almost 2 years ago I went through a very traumatic event. Part of me died that night. I went weeks without being able to eat, sleep, or be left alone. When I started to come around, the one thing that distracted me was going to the hockey games. It just so happened that our home team was in a record breaking season. Watching the team achieve these goals took my mind off of other things.
One of my rewards will definitely be to go to the Hockey Hall of Fame!

It seems in order to knock something off of my list, I have to do something else on my list. In order to be myself, I need to know what makes me happy. In order to make my chart, I need to know what makes me happy… I need my chart in order to motivate myself to go to the gym, and to lose another 40 lbs. It’s a fun cycle! So the things on my list need to be things that I can’t do everyday that already makes me happy, like spend time with my husband and my daughter… my list needs to be things I can earn.
Here is my list so far:

1. Going on trips
2. Hockey games (I do this one often already..)
3. Play Bingo
4. Casinos
5. Learn Sign Language
6. Buying new clothes
7. Photography Class
8. Baking Class
9. Go to the movies (though I do this one already..)
10. Get my hair done.. highlighted
11. Pedicure
12. Massage
13. DeBrands

I’ve started rock climbing and I love it! This is something that makes me happy!

I have decided to start a list of things that make me happy. This is only a brief list that I started, and I will continue to add more things each day.

1. My Kids
2. My Husband
3. Spending Time As A Family
4. Not Arguing w/My Husband
5. Outdoor Activities
6. Writing
7. Cooking
8. Setting/Achieving Goals
9. The Beach (Relaxing!)
10. The Park

My Husband & Children. They continue to always make me happy, regardless of the circumstances. My husband is the most amazing husband and father. Hes put up with me for so long, through the good and the bad. He loves me unconditionally and always put me first. There are times when I take advantage of this and I shouldnt (Im currently working on that!). I know that I will never find another man like him. My children are the most crazy, wild, and hyper kids Ive ever come across, but I love them to death. My life is in high speed all day long, but Im ok with that. I couldnt imagine where I’d be without them. They make my life alot more interesting. I get to experience the joys of motherhood that some people unfortunately do not get to experience. I am just going to remind myself that the time is going to go by way so fast. Before I know it, they will be in school, off to college, married, and having children of their own. I need to enjoy the way they are now, it wont be like this for long.

and record it.

I’m talking about things or actions that help me to be happy. Maybe also things that help me to be in a flow state. What do I like to do would be the question with that… I’d like to find out what is worth most to work on or to invest in to increase happiness in my life. Are there qualities all the things that make me happy have in common? Maybe I will find out why I sometimes don’t do what I think would make me happy… I’d also like to have a list with things from easy – like chewing a liquorice flavoured chewing gum – to harder or complex to achieve – like having three really deep friendships – or something like that.

Happiness is a hard thing to find. I’ve seen it, I’ve pined for it, I’ve attempted to get it, but ongoing satisfaction is difficult to find. It’s not that I’m never happy, but I am merely finding that being happy over, well, trivial things that evaporate as quickly as they come is hardly satisfying. My goal is to find something that makes me truly happy, the thing that defines me as a person and makes me whole.

I don’t have many hobbies, so to speak, so that would be a good place to start. As a high school student, I’m doing incredibly well academically at the moment (and that’s not in any way bragging). But that isn’t equating to much personal satisfaction, so although I will continue trying to do well, I want to turn my focus to other things. Whatever will that be?

I’ve been discussing it with my family and friends recently. I’m thinking of looking into photography, because it sounds like a lot of fun and I don’t have the knowledge to operate my own camera! So I’ll see about looking into that.

Alternately, I might “wake up” from my writing hiatus. Yes, that’s right – I’ve hit the dreaded writer’s block. Or rather, I did. Months ago, and it makes me feel absolutely awful. But rather then waking back up to the uncompleted novel, I’ll try a novella, maybe. Just to get into it and excited, again.

Anyway, we’ll see. These are just random ideas I’ve thrown out there.

So I just wrote about how I want to get my son riding his dirtbike again and then thought about how as soon as he rode off my daughter would turn to me and say teach me! teach me! A smile crossed my face and I felt good.

I feel like doing this would help put me on the road to being a better parent and make me someone they could love and look up to. I know they love me but I would feel more deserving of their love. It would make our lives bigger and more fun and I love the thought of that.

I’ve learned that what makes me happy today is kind of the same thing that made me happy yesterday, family, friends and love. I need to keep working hard on keeping my own family with me despite being an every other weekender and feeling like an outcast most of the time. I have to make sure I am still a good friend to the ones I still have and deserve my friendship. I should treat myself better too.