be more honest, truely honest with myself and others

...sucks. Well, not really. Just the truth.

...of my life: who I am, what am I made of, what are my strengths, what are my weaknesses, what’s my next step.

I’m at what feels like a pinnacle time in my life, a crossroads of sorts. Maybe this is part of my approaching birthday and the passing of a “period” of my life. I have choices to be made and paths to take.

I’m not ready to make any concrete conclusions or decisions. For the immediate moment, I’m happy being vaguely conclusive and more philisophical.

...but it just came up again after posting for this goal. I really love the quote and it’s absolute exactness:

“To hide one lie, a thousand lies are needed.”
- India

Why is the truth so hard? In the end, a lie is much more work.

...to bad my rational side is smarter than the rest of me and can rationalise just about anything. Maybe I shouldn’t have given up on learning the 42 logical fallacies.

...but I guess because I talked about seeing a therapist here, I’ll put this in here as well.

I don’t actually have much to say. I guess I just wanted to document the moment. So, we had another session in “couple therapy” today. And well, it was the last (for now). The therapist said that, given the current situation, the therapy wasn’t doing any good and that is was perhaps perpetuating the situation.

Anyway, if nothing else it’s progress, for lack of a better word. At least, it will get us out of the stagnant position we’ve been in for the past 2 months.

...to needing help. I used to think that I was normal. (This word has since lost it’s meaning, though. I now think that this word is improperly taken advantage of and that it should be removed from people’s vocabulary.) That I didn’t have any ‘issues’. But I do. We all do. So, I’ve decided to contact a therapist, someone to talk to. I guess what I’m hoping from this is to get a bit more insight into myself, what I am, my motivations, my fears, etc. I got a the name and number from a friend, so I just need to call.

..talking with a friend last night, I came to realise that I am a bit more honest with myself than I perhaps was. I may not actually make changes regarding this awareness, but at least I’m conscience of it. I’m seeing me for me and not just what I want to see and believe.

I just watched the film Closer last night. Among the other subjects in the story, one that I really caught on to was “honesty”. There is one character who seems to be completely honest and truthful – regardless of the consequences or the reaction of others. I think this honesty comes from knowing one’s self. He knows what he thinks and makes no apologies for the way he is. It would be refreshing to be able to act like this.