I am not ill, but my brother is ill of leukemia
Ok, this is the drill, my brother about 4 moths ago felt a horrible pain in the back, and he went to the doctors them tough discarding ill ness, maybe the kidney, maybe anemia, maybe the hip bone…. many doubts.
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He was diagnose in November w/ leukemia, & this week 02/19/09 is has first chemo, I am sad, frustrated & angry not at my brother but against hem. I feel worked out, abused & I feel that he, nor has wife having never said thank you, for all the problems we go thru.
Now my mom tells me, that after donating my blood, and my time, baby sitting has son, and my money helping in the support of my brother & family due this illness, I should try the marrow bone thing… I said no, after all is my life in danger of a bad procedure. Anyways the doctors told me to be a marrow bone donor will be the last recourse to use (we live in Mexico) and thank G-d, here the medical care is free. I hope one day I am able to overcome the frustration, and anger…
I have read in the internet that some family members of a leukemia patient become angry, or over protective, or careless… I am in the last category I guess, inside of me I do not feel guilt for saying no, to my mom demands, he tells me I HAVE to got to the hospital & caregiver my brother, that means , cleaning after has puking, bleeding etc, when all he’s life he have been the meanest brother on heart. He is my only brother & while healthy he did not even said a “good morning” to me. I am sure if I was in his situation he will totally ignore me, until now after a donated my blood he did not either he’s wife said thank you. I do not feel like I have to be rewarded, but at very least acknowledged, that after all (he’s mean wife) I am helping. My mom tries to make me feel that I must do it because is my brother. But I told her, why?? All I have done is not good enough… so why bother! – She calls me selfish… I call her selfless… and manipulative, due my nephew she tries too place me in a guilt free, saying your nephew is a baby he needs he’s dad… & what the heck, am I G-d? Did I decide this???
What about me? I also need help! – I want to go to college, And marry, and buy my own house and live my life, I do not want to be an spinster … I already care give my grandpa (& I feel happy & honored by, Grandpa always was nice to me & told me all kind of histories about he’s trips) but my mom as a child she always said to us… you 2 monkeys each of you grab your own rope… or… is none of your business , let your brother/sister mind he’s own affairs.
So now after years, he calls and tells Mom, not me, Mom to help hem out by supporting hem. My mom says he is a pain to carry, but in case he dies she does not want to regret, as if the idea of death is going to make me feel or think, -gee, poor hem, I better help my sister in law & hem , because death could happened. I told my mom that is horrible to do something you do not feel because “of what if. IF”
I feel like I can feed a homeless, donor my blood to an estrange person, but I do not know why I feel like this…. I feel like I do not care & is not that I do not love my brother, I do …. But is just estrange…. Does someone has felt, feel the same way… what can I do??? What is happening!??? I am single, no kids but had to support the bitch of my sister in law, & she demands like is my wife, I Have to teach her kid, because she is busy all day at the hospital (true) but is annoying!! I also have a life & wan to go out on weekends, my life has disappeared, all my uncles and close family started to feel me, to see this, they think I am witch. ... The bad one. Is so horrible. But I can’t help it. & none of them helps either economically nor in time.( not even blood , donations)
Some one can help ?
I need help!