Write my first book

I made a pause in the writing but today I have started on my work again. I’m about 5 chapters in to it, still not sure if it will be a full book but that’s my goal!

Yes, I’m on it. The progress is right now slow, but I have written the first 4 chapters in it and I*m very pleased with it so far.

I woke up from a terrifying nightmare in the morning with a perfect figure of mine. I didn’t know why I should say that my appearance was too perfect to be believed but it was true. And the nice figure that I got, was torturing me. Everybody around me acted so well to me. But that made me felt so lonely. Looking at the clock face and then looking at the photo beside the clock. It was the photo of me and… a boy, which I didn’t have the idea to mention his name. He’s dead. I shouldn’t think of it too much or else I would go insane.
I was still on the bed. I couldn’t pull myself to get off from the bed. I wanted to sleep longer than last night. I stretched my arms and yawned. I felt tired. I sighed. Why should I have to wake up in the morning just because of I got school today? I thought I hated school.
“Dear Dyana! Wake up! You’re getting late to school!”
It was my bodyguard, Ryan. I didn’t know why my dad hired a bodyguard to protect me. I wasn’t that wild type. He’s always get on my nerves. Don’t do that; don’t do this, or what! I needed freedom. I didn’t ask for this. Maybe being the daughter of a wealth man wasn’t a good idea.
“Dear Dyana!” he called me warning to get me off from this sweet pillow.
“Yes, Ryan! I’m awake now! I goy an alarm clock already!” I shouted back at him.
Yes! I heard no more from him then. I knew I won.
I got down from my poster bed and went into the bathroom. My shower would always be the microphone for me to sing with my awful voice! My life as a nowadays-teenage girl wasn’t that easy or complicated. The best word to describe my life was… torturing. That’s it. I lost my best buddy, I lost a mother’s love and my friends acted rude to me. I knew that they were all envious of my good appearance. Everyone acted hypocrite to me. They pretended liked they loved me, but actually, it wasn’t me they loved, they loved my properties.
I got out from my luxury bathroom. Dressing up and looking myself in the mirror. The big-round eyes that I had were getting bigger. I thought so. My natural red lips, were getting redder. My sharp nose remained pointy. The perfect-pale skin I got was getting paler. I didn’t care about my appearance anymore. Just let-them-be. I didn’t care. I took the ribbon and tied my long-silky black hair. I felt like a… trapped princess in an underground dungeon of an old palace.
“Dyana, have you done in there? It’s getting late”
I rolled my perfect big eyes. I opened the door. It was Emma outside. She did dare to come into this big mansion? She was a brilliant stylo girl and she had always make things went right. She was a year older than me.
“Hey Dyana. You look gorgeous. What takes it so long to-“
“Shut up. You keep praising me since we were best friends Emma! I was late, okay? My fault and I hope you won’t be upset if I say I want you to shut up”
“Well, you sound frustrated. What’s wrong?”
Urghh! She kept asking me and she forgot about being late to school…
“Come on Emma. I told you! Don’t talk!”
She nodded her head slowly. Her lips were closed tightly. I picked up my school bag and went out from my room. Emma kept following me. I saw Ryan there, his both arms were folded up to his chest. With his stupid blazer and an idiot sunglasses. What kind of stupid uniform was that? I knew that his eyes were staring at my movements though he wore the glasses. Emma straightly had some sandwiches on the table that had served by my maid. And she had finished all of the sandwiches. I ate nothing. She didn’t even apologize to me for finishing the sandwiches but it’s okay as I didn’t have the appetite to have my breakfast meal.
“Ryan, let’s go. I don’t wanna wait anymore. Have you prepared the car?” I commanded him. It’s my daily routine to tell him do this, do that, do this, do that. But his work was totally opposite to mine. I was getting sick of this thing.
*
“Hello Dyana! What’s up? Why are you coming late? You know about the punishment, don’t you?” Madam Keane said as I opened my class door.
“Urm, it was all about my alarm clock. It didn’t ring this morning. I’m sorry”
My eyes kept pacing around my whole class. Pupils glanced up on me. Oh god! This was embarrassing! I should’ve listened to that stupid bodyguard of mine. And he’s here standing liked a statue beside me. Humph, protector!
“I’m sorry Madam Keane, but she can’t make it to your detention class or whatever it is even for awhile as she has something to make up this evening” Ryan defended me. But I hated it when he did that. It made everybody felt it was unfair to him or her! I must attend the detention class. I held Ryan’s right arm to make him stepped a few backward.
“Ignore him, Madam Keane. He just tried to obey every laws as he has becoming a bodyguard. I’ll go. No worries, okay?”
Madam Keane grinned slyly at Ryan while correcting her rounded-shape spectacles. Straightly, I went into the class and sat at my seat. Laura glanced up on me. She annoyed me since I became the student of this type of private school of Reading. I disliked this school very much. Everybody acted arrogant. Ryan and Madam Keane both staring at me and he stayed outside my class. He kept observing me during the whole class period. I changed my sight to this weirdo that sat in front of me in this class, Gerard Hublin. He acted really strange since I saw him on the first day of this semester.

“ Dyana, what are you staring at?” Will asked me when he realized that I wasn’t paid any attention at the teacher that kept babbling about those stupid stuff in front of the class.
“Nothing” I answered him shortly. I didn’t have to tell him that I was staring at the weirdo. Gerard suddenly turned backward to see me. I couldn’t get rid of his poker face. I could see his half-opened eyes gazing at me while his jaw was clenched tightly. I could see the tense that showed deep in his eyes. I blinked my eyes but his eyes didn’t blink since he stared me a few seconds ago.
“Gerard, don’t stare at me like that” I approached him.
“Can you please stop staring at me?” he snapped my words.
My lips hung opened. How did he know that I was gazing at him?! Could he smell my scent? Did I have a strong scent? Yeah, he’s truly a weirdo.
“And please don’t call me weirdo. I hate that. You got it?”
My eyes fluttered opened. I wondered, how did he- never mind, maybe he was just guessing as he acted so strange. He should change. I noticed that Ryan stared at Gerard liked this weirdo was going to hurt me or something else liked that I didn’t care.
“Okay fine” I had to agree with him. I wouldn’t call him weirdo or something that related anymore. Maybe. I couldn’t promise that. Hahahah!
I was still in the class after everybody had go out during recess time. It was pointless for me to get out and ate at the canteen as Ryan was always by my side. I didn’t want pupil saw him. Ryan came into the class.
“Hi Ryan” I greeted him but he didn’t say anything with his stoned-face.
“Talk to me whenever I talk to you? Can’t you open your mouth to talk? Or… you don’t know how to talk to people? Or…” I annoyed him. I knew that. I did it on purpose just to make him opened his mouth but he didn’t. He kept pacing my class. I rolled my eyes.
“Ryan, I’d never talked to you. Can you tell me about your childhood life?” I said trying to be friendly to him but I guessed he wouldn’t talk anymore to this annoying Dyana.
“I don’t know anything about it and please Dear Dyana, keep your mouth shut. I’m not in mood to talk right now”
Hmph! He was always saying that ‘I’m not in mood to talk right now’! Actually, he didn’t have the mood to talk in his whole lifetime! Nobody would talk to me! Was this my life? My real life? Yes it was.
I saw Gerard came into my class and straightly took something from his bag. He glanced up at Ryan that was staring at his movements.
“Hi Mr. Bodyguard. I’m Gerard. I know that you were staring at me during the lesson just now. But why did you do that? Were you… afraid something might happen at this precious little girl of yours?” he kid me. I rolled my eyes ignoring his words. I knew that he was mad at me. I shouldn’t call him weirdo.
Ryan opened his stupid sunglasses and hold it between his index and his middle fingers. He looked at Gerard for a while and spoke up.
“Gerard, nice to see you. Well, do I look obviously like a bodyguard of hers?”
I glanced up at him. What? What the hell of the stupid question that he asked Gerard? Gerard glanced down at me and laughed a bit. I knew that was quite dumb but it was Ryan who started it first. I didn’t know anything, okay?! I tried to pretend that I didn’t hear the annoying conversation and opened my diary that nobody would know what I wrote every single day in my whole life.
“Well I think you should be more open to the students here, Ryan. Just like me. I know there’s someone out there thinks that I’m a weirdo but you know I’m not. Just like you. I know people might think that you’re a very serious man with your work, but you’re not actually. I like to have this conversation”
Urghh! Who did he think I was to him? His Barbie-doll? Nope! But it was strange too. How did… Ryan could talk to him liked an ordinary man instead of talking liked an ordinary man to me? Maybe he’s the same type with Gerard. But not me. I was an ordinary girl.
“Dear Dyana, I think I should get out now as students are coming in” he asked my allowance to get out? If he wanna know something important, I would always allow him to get out. Of my life forever. I didn’t want him to be by my side unless I was too weak to go on with my own life. Then he could come that time. But this wasn’t the time.
“Urm. You may go now. And you can go wherever you want. So please don’t come back” I kid him.
He went out. Gerard looked at me when everyone had come in.
“What?” I approached him.
“No, nothing” he shook his head denying what he did. I smiled and let him be. Nobody could fathom what he thought that time included me. He smiled back warmly. I changed my sight from looking at him continuously. I looked at Ryan outside. He stared me back and took on the sunglasses again to avoid from looking at me. I sighed. I hated my life so much.

I have started to write my book now, and I have now about 20 pages finished on a book that will hold at least 250-300 pages. Feels great to have started and I sure hope I will get a publisher in the end to publish it.

I’ve been trying to do this for the past 10 years. But somehow I’ve never manage to finish the first chapter. Sometimes it’s because I’m running out of ideas getting to the second page, sometimes time just envy me, too busy with other happenings in my life. Maybe this year it would be different. Perhaps I could manage my time between house chores, and running to and from school to fetch my kids, to sit for half and hour and write something.. I believe I could. I could.

I want to write my first book, because my dream is become a great autor. Writing a story is for me a exciting feeling.

I’ve been writing for about 10 days now and have tried to write at least 500 words a day.
I decided to total up my writing so far and found I had already written 11555 words.
This is great news as it means if I carry on at this rate I should finish the 125 pages I intend to write (at 350 words a page) in 87 days – meaning I will then have the remaining days to edit and rearrange my book.
At the start I doubted I could finish my book in the time I’d given myself but now I can’t see why I should’nt finish it.

I’ve been thinking about writing a non fiction book on pet loss for about two years but fear of failure and currently having ME have stopped me so far.
This year I want to actually do it and finish my first book by the 25th of May 2008.
I have real difficulty sitting down and actually writing anything even though I’ve done tons of research and feel really motivated, so I’ve decided to just try to write a small amount each day so that it eventually adds up. I’m also listening to motivational hypnosis CD’s and reading other writer’s blogs for inspiration. Wish me luck!

“one of the simplest things about all the facts of life is that to get where you want to go, you must keep on keeping on.”

Norman Vincent Peale

I have decided to consolidate my updates regarding writing on 43things. Please refer to my goal Write a Book for updates. Thanks!