be less self-conscious

Oh my God, it feels so good knowing I am not the only one…I am so self-conscious, I can barely stand myself…I’m obssessed with the way I look, my weight, my makeup, my clothes, the way I bahave, the way I walk, everything…I take everything the wrong way and personal whenever there`s some sort of situation (by example, if someone I’m supposed to meet and the person cancels, I automatically assume that the person doesn`t want to be with me, that there`s something wrong, etc). I also realized that I am completely self-centered, I always put my feelings and my needs before others, regardless of what they may feel or what may happening in their lives…I just don`t care, I assume that I come first!! I think I made the first step, realizing that something is wrong…I know that it is, so please give me some advice so I can be normal again!!!!!

I am 18 years old and I honestly never was self-conscious until after the breakup of my first love when I was 16. I do believe that that semi- ties in to why I am this way, but I want it to stop. I have my own fashion- sense AND I do pride myself on getting up extra early in the morning to do my hair and makeup before jetting off to my classes, (which, in college, most girls where hoodies and sweats to class and just throw their hair up in a bun. I personally can not go out of my house looking like a ragga muffin but I guess that’s just me. I do workout sometimes too. When I admit that I am self-conscious, most people I know look at me funny and ask me why I am. It’s almost as if they think “how on earth could she be self-conscious?!”. I really try my best to put my best self forward and I hope that others see that too. I just really want to SEE it in MYSELF though. Any tips, advice, or exercises to practice in public would be awesome!

I have some suggestions for you guys, some things I did, and am still working on. I was so self conscious and still am for the most part, but I am definetly improving big time. I just settled down a little, and took chances like talking to new people and making new friends. Well sure enough I started becoming liked more and more, and chances are if you take a deep breath and just try and talk to others, you will become less Self Conscious to.
Also some things I did, rather than dressing up nicely, why not wear some goofy shirts, or funky hats? even if it’s a hat like a “white boi” or a goofy hat just in genral, because whats the worste thing that can happen? someone says, “Oh you look stupid in that hat”. Whats bad about that?
Currently im doing pretty good, and am having some awkward moments of talking, and am still working on socializing.

The most important thing I have learned though in working through becoming less Self-Conscious, and let me tell you I have a lot more to go, is that you cant dread over little things. If someone tells you something that might put you down, shake it off and keep a smile at all times. I’ve noticed that in times when I am more happy and less Self-Conscious that people will “flock to me” like bees getting there honey, and it is a great feeling, that makes you think, “Pushing myself is actualy paying off”.

I’ve just now come to the conclusion that my self consciousness has run my life for the past 18 years of my life. Once I get over this feeling of self hate, i will be able to look further upon that, making myself into a better person, doing the things I want to do.

There are so many things I want to do with my life.
I only have yet to start.

I worry way to much about everything. Especially what people think of me. I’ve worried about my image so much to the point where I don’t even know who I am anymore. My Life is run by mirrors and false judgement. And It’s time to change this. It’s time to start living my life.

Well right now I’m so aware of what I’m doing. I hide in the toilet for hours on end at school. I know it’s wrong, it’s very wrong but I can’t help it. I find the fact that I sit there, in the toilet, disgusting but there’s nowhere else to go. In other words my confidence is in the toilet. I just don’t know how to behave in social situations and don’t like having to speak to people of authority (teachers). People hate me and I don’t know how that’s supposed to make me confident. I hear people whispering about me and looking at me in a wierd way and it makes me wonder what’s so wrong with me? It’s amazing the things you can hear when you’re in the toilet and no one knows you’re there! I hear so much gossip, some about me too. How is that supposed to boost my confidence? Help?

I absolutely hate how self-conscious i can be. Like for example today i thought i heard people talking about me in a negative way so then i IMMEDIATELY thought that there was something wrong with me. They were pointing out things that i think is wrong with me so i began to think up ways i could make them like me better. WRONG. I shouldnt try to improve myself for other people BUT for myself. I ALWAYS do this though. I ALWAYS think someones talking about me when theyre really not. x[ Though im SURE this time they were…ugh.

hooray! being self-conscious is exhausting.

the interview was easy! it helped that the interviewer was a grad student & she was late. also, the project doesn’t make any sense, so i wasn’t nervous.

& they hired me!

the bridal shower went well also. i felt a little awkward & must have looked awkward enough for my friend to ask if i was “doing ok/not too uncomfortable” several times.

but i actually did feel comfortable at the same time. i didn’t feel like everyone was looking at me, so the awkwardness didn’t matter. the mountain of gifts for the bride-to-be made it pretty clear that this party wasn’t about me. :)

i think i’m almost done with this one! i had to get a petition signed for a block party application and spent several hours approaching strangers on the street for signatures. some people were nice, some people were rude & some people studiously ignored me or stared while walking as far away as possible. it was awkward, but it wasn’t too bad!

i didn’t think so much about what i looked like or how i sounded, it was more like a hunt for people who didn’t look like they were in a rush.

another thing i did was take a picture of myself with the camera-timer every day for about two weeks. and it turns out, i don’t look as weird as i look in the mirror or in subway window reflections or in other people’s photos. i just look kind of normal-uninteresting and grumpy. which i am totally cool with. it’s like – now i know what i look like… i don’t hafta keep checking anymore or comparing myself to other people. they look better, cooler, faster! but i look more normal!

next week, i have a job interview & a wedding shower (where i won’t know anyone) to go to. if i don’t freak out, i’ll consider this thing done!

i cut my hair too short last night. it looked awesome while i was cutting it tho.

tonight lunchbox & i are going out to a fancy-ish wine thing and then a hipster-ish free vodka thing. (i know, i know, we really should be staying at home & saving Princess Peach from the middle of the galaxy [where toadpostal still reaches, but not the luma ship!].) i will not obsess about everyone else’s hair vs my hair. or their shoes vs my shoes. or how much easier this would be if i were a boy.

i think overall i am getting better at this though.

i bought a furry elmer fudd type hat & kept it in my purse, even though it was freezing out, even though 1 out of 4 other people on the street were also wearing funny elmer fudd hats. i hate drawing attention to myself. i finally had the nerve to wear it when i met up with my friend who looked completely crazy with a scarf wrapped around his head and a hood and navy & green plaid pants.

since then, people have said that they like my hat.

also, i switched to lighter eye makeup. which makes not wearing any makeup seem less naked.

this is all very crazy. i love living in nyc b/c it’s so anonymous and there are all types of people. on the other hand, there are many well-dressed, stylish, thin, young, pretty, etcetcetc ppl who seem to have nothing else in the world to do but shop & party. it’s hard not to be a little jealous. and it’s hard not to turn that into self-consciousness or disdain. what to do.

oh! listening to certain songs makes me feel self-confident. so do large sunglasses, walking fast, and standing up straight.