pass my english exam

I’m so surprised and happy. I feel bad for hoping my friend didn’t get a better result though, because she actually failed. I almost feel I made it happen.

But I can still say I’m good at English, and now I have a little something to back me up.

I’m pretty nervous but excited. I haven’t had to wait to find my result since my Standard Grades at school, usually I’ve always known before college ended. I should get a text between 8am and 9am on Wednesday, so I’ll make sure I’m awake for 8am, and I’ll sit waiting nervously. I just hope it’s a good mark, just so I can pleased with myself and I don’t have to give up the one thing I thought I was good at.

I sat my exam yesterday in the hall. I was so nervous because I felt so much more solid in my knowledge before the prelim and before the exam my head felt entirely empty. It started when two weeks before the exam we were told that one of the poems we’d been analysing didn’t mean what we’d thought it meant and so then I had two weeks to get my head around the other interpretation, which didn’t happen. I basically went into the exam praying for a poetry question on ‘To the Sea’ and I did get one, but it all depends on how well, if at all, I answered the question.

I think I screwed up the Close Reading which counts for half the marks, which will be so entirely depressing since the last Close Reading I got back from my tutor was 44 out of 50 – but I’ve never really trusted her marking…or her teaching. But I stressed myself out about time halfway through and I rushed through to the point where I was at the last question and we still had half an hour to go – I can’t have passed, surely. I found it really hard to pinpoint sentence structure…but everyone else seemed to find it easier than the prelim! Trust me to be the only one.

I freaked out when I first saw the choice of questions, but I ended up choosing a question on Hale from the Crucible about a scene where the pinion of him changes significantly – I chose the courtroom scene, but my essay seemed pretty wishy-washy even for 5 and half pages.

I did a question on the use of contrast to develop the key theme of change in ‘To the Sea’ for poetry and I hope, well, I think I did better on that part…and at least I finished in time with 3 and a bit pages.

But, at least it’s all over. I felt like a weight had been lifted when we finished, because now it’s out of my hands and there’s no more I can do. I’m a bit anxious in case my friend gets a better mark than me, and I know how petty that sounds, but English is the only thing I’ve ever really thought I was good at. My friend was only doing English because a lot of courses and jobs require it, so if she does better than me…what’s left for me to do? What does that mean? That I’m destined to be no good at anything I enjoy?

I suppose there’s nothing for me to worry about since I’ve no idea how well I’ve done considering the inconsistent, unhelpful marking that my tutor was doing all year. I can but wait.

well i passed my mock exam so all is good! i got 2 excellences, 1 merit and 2 acheived!! that means with study i can get no acheives but all merit and excellence (i hope!)

I keep getting the same just passed mark on all of my english essays and i depresses me, so i really really want to pass my mocks-preferably with merit or excellence-just so i know i can do it.
na xxx