practice yoga at least once a week

I had practiced yoga more regularly in the past and I loved the feeling of calm and well-being it gave me, not to mention the strength, balance and flexibility. It helps to keep me calmer and as a teacher I really need that. I’m going to try to start with the goal of practicing once a week and do that for awhile to slowly get back into it.

I did yoga a couple times in the past week or so, and it felt sooooo good. I’m having a hard time scheduling it in – you have to do it on an empty stomach, and I’ve been eating a lot lately (eating disorder). But as long as I can remind myself how good it feels, I think I will be able to do it more often once I stop bingeing (see goal: get help for my eating disorder)

Lately I’ve been having urges to do yoga, but haven’t actually done it. I did want to this morning but got busy doing other things. That’s not meant to be an excuse. These days I’m trying not to pressure myself, to do things as I feel like it, having faith that I will eventually feel like doing the things on my goal list. So, the next step is to take the opportunity, when i do have an urge, and pop in a yoga DVD.

Not a good start, but to defend myself (against my superego) I was having really bad stomach cramps and didn’t even get any sleep. I missed today too, since it’s already past midnight, but there’s still some residual cramping. Obviously I didn’t make it to the community yoga class today. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a bit more energy and my stomach will be settled. I’d hate to think I was getting an ulcer.

I’m trying to change my attitude towards yoga. I want to learn to see it as a tool for spiritual growth and healing rather than exercise. In my practice I want to focus on breathing and being in tune with my body rather than trying to “work out”, push myself or attain “perfect postures”. I would like to include chanting, pranayama and sitting meditation into my practice as well as asana. I think it would help if I studied yoga philosophy as well, and tie it in with my ayurvedic study. I want to spend at least 2 hours a day involved in yoga, perhaps more, perhaps split into several sessions. I would also like to vary my activities and see if there are methods of yogic walking.

I am interested in vedanta and developing all four yogas – jnana, raja, bhakti and karma. I want to find personal ways to accomplish these factors, ones that are comfortable and practical to where I am in my process. For instance, I don’t see myself bringing milk to a deity at a hindu temple, or volunteering for habitat for humanity! I have been resistant to the karmic and bhakti paths in the past, but I am starting to open up to them. I will have to do more research, but it is possible that singing kirtan can be my bhakti, and infusing my knits with karuna (compassion) by meditating with them can be karma. Also, asana can serve as bhakti – caring for my body, prana and the divine within. Asana can also be raja if I include meditative poses and generally attain a meditative state while I practice. Jnana will only be difficult to fit in because I like reading about so many different things. I will probably have to put some other interests aside for now, but I think ayurveda can be part of my jnana practice.

If my social plans fall through tomorrow I am going to try to go to the community class at Atlas studio. I am a little less comfortable going to that studio than the Queen street one, but I think I can get over that. Living within blocks of both studios is great, because they seem to be quite different in the types of classes, schedules and fee options. But I am glad they both have community classes.

I still haven’t done my surya namaskara today, but I will before I go to bed, which will be soon.

I believe that the universe conspires to help you when you are going down the right path, but my faith took it’s first recorded blow yesterday when I tried to go to the Community Yoga class at my local studio. It was cancelled – the instructor said they NEVER cancel, except this one time – the last class of the teachers in training who instruct the drop-in. It took me a year to work up the courage to go – I have a very strong fear of being judged because of my weight, even with my social anxiety improvements. I was quite upset about it. But I did manage to do some stretching yesterday.

So I’m going to try to go to another class soon, but in the meantime I’m setting the subgoal of doing at least one sun salutation a day. I will do it this afternoon or before I go to bed today.

my body is aching for backbends!

I was very into yoga last year, and I want to start practicing daily again. I want to very gradually work into the entire Astanga series 1 as presented in Beryl Bender Birch’s Power Yoga. I have the DVD and the book!

I work in a very cool environment, where it is encouraged to get fit or take some sort of fitness style class, so we are allowed to take an hour long lunch to attend yoga on Wednesdays. Although we pay for the privilege, I have to say, it is a great way to split up the week. I walk into the room at noon, stressed from the work and walk out at 1pm way more centered and relaxed. Now if I could only make it to the actual gym more often, I could do more of this.

To keep up the yoga. Tennis, running, rowing. That’s it. I’m busy every night of the week…