stop being bulimic

I am the same way. Ive always hated my body and was always chubby compared to my friends. I got the hips and thighs first, so i felt so insecure. I wasnt even fat to begin with. I am 5’6 and weighed 130 at the most. I weighed 113 at my least. I started middle of freshman year in hs during soccer season and now am a junior in hs. I eat all the time and always say tomorow il start fresh but that just doesnt happen. I always feel weak and disgusting. Nobody knows but my friend and she is sworn to secrecy. I dont even use a toliet beacuse my mom would get suspicous so i have a bucket in my closet that i puke in every night then dump in the toliet when my mom isnt home. I work at a restruant and the food is so tempting. once i start eating i eat till im full and then puke. never can just eat something. im scared im going to be this way forever, but at same time dont want to stop beacuse i dont want to get fat. ive gained weight im now 120 on average days. I dont know what to do…

I’ve been bulimic for 9 months & five days. I’ve been anorexic for god knows how long. 200 or less calories everyday, binging & purging at least twice a day. People know, and people can tell. I’ve gotten down to 85 pounds, but right now I’m around 95.

First it all started over a guy. Silly right? Well, he was telling me how he loved me – while he was fucking my skinny best friend. So I thought, if I become like her, then he’ll love me, right? Well I was wrong, dead wrong.

Now it’s about more than just some guy. Control & appearance are the top two things that keep this horrible disease going. But honestly, I’m addicted. Not one hour do I go without thinking of food or how disgusting I look.

I have mood swings, concentration problems, bad memory, shaking, hallucinating, ruined teeth, stomach ulcers, heart problems. And that’s not even half of it. & The funny thing is, I still do it. After my loved ones have cried over it, threatened to leave or get me help, and even after fainting. I don’t think anything can stop me.

If this doesn’t kill me, I’d be surprised.

It’s been approx. five to six months i’ve been bienging. I wasn’t even fat to begin with. When I first started I weighed about 125 and I now weigh at a 104 .. i’m very short for my age about 5’ and i’m 15. Right now i think i’m fine just stop . You could just eat healthy. But I can’t I feel disgusted in myself if I keep anything down. . I really need to stop before I become anorexic. I know if I keep going my insides will be torn apart and i’ll internaily bleed. But it’s like my mind has controll now, it keeps telling me your to fat go throw up.. I have a strong relationship with this guy, and i’m to affraid to tell him. I’m scared to see his reaction. I smoke, drink etc and I know none of this is helping… I’m going to die and i’m so scared.

hey there… i know that most of you people will never care about me… but whatever… im sorry if i have spelling errors… listen, my name is Evan JAmes, i am currently 18 years old… and ive had bulimia for about 3 years… my wind pipe or esoughegas is torn in half… fuck man… every fucking day its the same shit again and again… I WANT TO STOP!!!!! i threw up on my 1 year annaversary with my current girlfriend… i cant bring myself to tell her… but… it is because i did throw up on that day that i HAVE to get better… if i cant… ill never forgive myself… it all started out as something to do… no idk… i used to be in a very controlling relationship with one of my ex girlfriends… and i was overly controlling… anyways… after we broke up… that sense of lost control… it was maddening… i have since learned from my fucked up past to never treat a girl like that again… i fucked up with my current girlfriend by not telling her i had sexual relations with my ex… what a fuck up i am… anyways… after the break up w/ my ex… at that time… i was heavily over fucking weight… im crying as of now… but… i honestly dont know how much i fucking weighed at the time… i think ive lied so much about why i started i cant come up with an honest answer as to the actual weight… but to speed it up to now… IM SICK OF FUCKING UP! my fucking relationship with my girlfriend, Arnika… god… even after a year… all i want is to make her happy… i need to get a fucking hold on my life… fuck… i dont want to lose her… please help me… DAY 1

I have been binging and purging for the last four years. I just don’t understand how I went my whole life and made it all the way through college without this problem and now I cannot stop. Every single day I am going to stop, but the insane persistant fear of getting fat hangs over my head and the cycle continues…...It is ruining my life. My work, my relationships, my health.
I know it is mind over matter, but boy for some reason that is much harder than it sounds.
I am considering today, day 1. Let’s see if I can make it.

i;ve always eaten alot.. and i have never been REALLY overweight but a little chubby. last summer i lost a lot of weight by being healthy from exercise and eating right, but right now i dont have time to excercise, so i will eat very healthy during the day, not too little like an anorexic, but probably less than most people eat… then when i start to stress out i devour a lot of food. its always something sweet like cookies or chocolate or ice cream. after eating i feel a sugar rush come over me immediately and i feel so horrible so i will go throw it up. i always have a hard time throwing up so it’s really uncomfortable ..and i naturally develop a lot of tears and my nose gets really stuffy when i throw up so it’s even worse . i feel so guilty because i know that i am not even THAT fat, my clothes range from size 1-4, depending on the brand, but i feel like i look humongous. my stomach is always bulging out and flabby, i just wish it would go away. i have only started throwing up recently, and even though my body hates me for doing so, i can’t help but be comforted by the thought that i might be thinner.. hopefully when i have some time, i can get back on track and go to the gym instead.

Yesterday was my 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY, and that is longest I have ever been in recovery! I had a great day and did lots of things just for myself. I realized that today and every other day after I am back to a place that I haven’t been in 5 years. It feels fabulous!

i’m not sure what i am. Or what im doing, all i know is that when i was in 5th grade all i heard was wispers telling me that im fat. I cryed every night trying every diet. I lost some from growing up. Until one night going into 10th grade i hear “my sister threw up one weekend and lost alot of weight” I think well i can do it loose the weight and stop. But here i am 4 months later, and stil finding myself binge eating then throwing it all up.

I dont want to go to a clinic being only at age 15. I dont want people to stare at me, only one of my friends knows and i told her i stoped… i dont lie, but this got me to. I didnt think i had a problem until i read a website saying no matter how long youve been doing for it, i could die. I DONT WANT TO DIE! I know that i probably wont, but all i want is to be skinny.

I wake up and think ew my stomach and arms. Then in class i touch my stomach and think ew. I cant control myself with food, it sometimes seems to be one of the only good things in my life. I cant change a grade on my report card but i can put something delicious in my mouth. Then later feel the regret but at that very moment i was happy.

I dont have a boyfriend, or anyone that is even relativly interested in me. This i think is reason why i started, i dont want to be lonley & i think i am beacause im fat.

I noticed yellowing to my teeth and didnt think of it. But now i know its from the acid. I want to stop but i want to be skinny more than anything. I only do it about twice or three times a week, depending on when i have hunger spurges. I didnt think that was a problem, but i now i know it is. I need to talk to someone the thought of how many calories consumes my day, and if or if not im going to workout, or WHY DID I EAT THAT COOKIE?
this is taking over who i am.

I hit my 5 month anniversary on Oct. 18, so Thanksgiving will be just after 6 months and Christmas will be just after 7 months. Those will be very tempting holidays, but I am optimistic about my progress. I think about it less and less every day. That book truly helped me save my life!

I don’t know why I am doing this but whatever here goes.
I figure I am writing this because Ih ave read all of your stories and I can relate to each and everysingle one of them.
I have been an on and off bulemic for over a year now and I hate it. I know that its wrong but I just can’t stop. My bestfriends all know about my problem and they tell me its wrong but I just can’t stop. It’s like when they tell me its wrong I get so upset because they have no idea what its like to hate your body. I get so pissed because I feel like they are on a pedastool looking down on me.
It’s not like I wanted to become bulemic. Its the same with the other girl I just get into these trances of eating and eating just so I could purge, and god I feel so much better after I do it. I just feel so relieved. But after it I tell myself no more eating. Tomorrow eat one small meal, or only drink water. But then the next day I do the same thing. It’s gotten to the point where if I don’t purge I feel like I am going out of my skin.
I am going to stop. I want to. I want to be healthy and skinny the right way. I have already started doing yoga and running, and I just don’t want to purge. I don’t want to hide in the bathroom with the taps running. I want to be proud of my body and say that I earned it the right way.
I hope the next time I write I will be better, and I hope that all of you are better.
Your stories really have meant alot to me knowing that I am not the only one doing this.