Heal past life trauma

Difficult feelings from my most immediate “past life” often comes up during this time of the year.

That life started in Poland, and ended in Treblinka in 1942.

I regret to say that most of the trauma I experience now is not from that terrible end, but the oppression I experienced as a young woman within a very closed community.

One of the reasons for me being where and when I am is to experience being Jewish in a different way. But when I sit in shul during high holy days, I’ve been opened, and then it’s still the same Hebrew, the same liturgy. Things arise to the surface.

I don’t know what to do about that. hm.

3 years ago i ve been diagnosed for depression, i felt less guilty and almost now dont even want any of those flashback happens, but recently i saw someone whom reminded me of everything i forgot.

i really want to move on, get a job, move somewhere, start all over again, perhaps get a cat too.

this is related to the “want to feel alive” goal.

This goal is related to two others: Heal My Nonphysical Body and Have my soul be completely protected.

Seven months ago I received the advice to undertake metta and go on a retreat this spring. Since I always wanted to go to Hollyhock, on Cortes Island, I signed up for a metta retreat there.

I will not describe the details of this retreat. Generally, it was very intense for me. I could not attend some activities of the retreat because I was too tired.

I will however describe a major realization, in case it will help someone else here: not only can I not heal what happened in the past, it is not helpful, and really, rather arrogant (if well-meaning, like much of arrogance is) for me to try. Those personalities, in “past lives”, took on the challenges that they did, for their personal growth and development, and for the growth and development of the planet. To effect that growth, they may have had to experience severe trauma and pain. For me to try to ameliorate that pain…it’s like I don’t respect fully the work that they did. At best, it is completely inappropriate.

The place where healing needs to occur is not where they are. It’s where I am. It’s not that their pain needs healing. What needs healing is my experience of it.

When I write it all out like this, it seems almost immediately obvious. Like, duh, Petersky. But before this retreat, I had been approaching this all wrong.

When I used the right approach, while immersed in a field of metta for most of the day, major healing work was completed.

I feel like I have really put this one to bed, and I get to check this off of the list.

I began this work consciously in 1994. Although I have made great strides, there is much yet to do. Much of my present physical and emotional injury is related to past lives of martyrdom. I’ve successfully removed the manacles (rusting, welded, deeply imbedded in my bones) from my wrists, also from my right ankle. (Life as a female egyptian slave). My ankles and wrists are no longer painful, and I no longer “play” at BDSM. The poisoned and hexed thorn from behind my right ear has been removed, and placed in a vessel. I am still unable to completely relenquish “ownership” of it, (false responsibility of the martyr “I deserve to carry this”), and therefor continue to have physical issues in that area. (dark ages male knight). The dagger from between my shoulderblades (mid to late 1800’s salloon girl and prostitute) Physical manifestation is gone. Still, I am addicted and FMS and have, I’m sure, a ways to go.

There are a few I have still to reach, but in my heart I have forgiven them all. And I feel so very wonderful.

Well, I’ve already been diagnosed for depression, but I think I’ve got Asberger’s. Don’t know if I’ll be able to verify this to my satisfaction, or if it’s really a “fact.”

See: http://www.43things.com/things/view/723316

This is the completion of the other two things listed with it: protection of my soul and the healing of the energy body. When my past life trauma is healed, my non-physical body will be completely whole, and my soul will be remain in purity.

Like Raven04, I have “flashbacks” to trauma in previous lives. There’s a reason most people have an iron wall in their consciousness between this life and other ones. It’s usually just enough to deal with what’s going on right here and now.

One of the themes through many lifetimes I have dealt with is child abuse. I have played many different roles, in male and female bodies. I have been the abused child: burned, beaten, raped, starved, abandoned. I have been the abuser. I have murdered my own child, abandoned it, starved it. My child has been abused by another.

I have employed many techniques for coping with this trauma, and some of them have been effective in ameliorating it to some extent. But none of them have healed the pain in a way that can make it all go away.

Forgiveness is the major path for understanding and dealing with this trauma. We’re already in Elul, and the enormity of what lays before me is daunting.

I am trying to put a QQT (“Quality Quantity Time”) marker on all my Things so I can measure progress. I am not sure what my QQT is for this one. I will have to think about it further.

Not a usual goal, I know, and probably not a serious one for many people. But I live every day with memories of war, rape, violence, abuse, and death. Memories that go beyond this lifetime, memories that have aged me beyond my 22 years in this body.

I have PTSD. It is caused by trauma in other lifetimes, but it is still very real. I want to know what it’s like to live without fear, without the nightmares, without the constant battle with depression. I want to live a long life. I want to heal, and I want everything to be different this time.