find a happy medium

How I did it: Last year, a very emotional event occured in my family that really shook my household up at the beginning of the year.. I were pretty much in emotional turmoil for the first 5 or 6 months. All the stress from it really kicked my anxiety levels up and my already bothersome panic disorder became out of this WORLD bad. I dropped 30+ pounds at a rapid speed because lack of appetite due to nausea from my constant high anxiety.
I began developing agoraphobia, and was super depressed from how badly my life was spiraling from these attacks. I constantly thought I was dying, and started going to the doctor to make sure I was physically well. I was.

That's when it hit me.
Every single time I had a panic attack, I was petrified that I was getting those terrifying feelings at that very moment because my body was trying to tell me I was dying, or something bad was happening. Even though I knew I had panic disorder, I couldn't shake the idea that this time might not be a panic attack. It might be a real problem! But literally every single time I got those horrible feelings and was SURE this time would be it, I lived. Not only did I live, I was perfectly fine after! So what gives?!
The doctor confirmed I was in perfect health. He also confirmed I have panic disorder. I know these symptoms are that of a panic disorder. I've survived the absolute worst, debhilitating, "i-swear-I'm-gonna-die" attacks ever, and was completely okay afterwards. I know that panic attacks can come out of nowhere, so I know that if I get random horrible feelings out of nowhere, that's 99.9% what it is. I know that I have been through a stressful and traumatic time that triggered these attacks, so I know the source. AND, NO ONE HAS EVER DIED FROM A PANIC ATTACK, no matter HOW intense or close to death it way seem. So why the hell do I still get so scared? That doesn't make sense!
The more I thought about it, the sillier I felt. The sillier I felt, the more I laughed.
And that's when I made the promise to myself I would never let that disorder control my life ever again.

I started taking steps in finding a more peaceful life for myself...

My best friend in the world, Alicia, is and was always there for me, and was going through the same issue. She has panic disorder as well. I began to talk to her more about our feelings and ideas. We both have a goal to live a happy and peaceful life, so it was an amazing help talking to someone I'm so close to who wants the exact same things out of the exact same problem! She helped me SO much, and I helped her as well =)

I began practicing meditation and relaxation techniques. I started spending my time doing productive, low key, and creative things to expand my mind and keep busy, such as crafts and reading. I started learning to understand myself better, like now I can catch myself when I think about something that leads to worry and anxiety, and think about reasons or ways it could be positive. I give myself positive reinforcement, like I express that I am proud of myself outloud, and why.

I vowed to myself I would keep myself educated and experienced: I began doing a lot of online reading about different subjects, and have found my passions in activism and environmentalism, and domestications. I have been inspired for new hobbies or activities to try from this, as well, which makes me ambitious and excited to do things that make me happy!

Instead of deep thinking about negative things, I began to do deep thinking about God and positive feelings and how to acheive them. I started looking into spiritual aspects of life, and discovered my solid beliefs.

I've been thinking more before my actions, and learning to ignore and become indifferent to negative attacks from someone. I try harder to do nicer things! It makes me happy and it's good karma!

I PAMPER myself more. I decided to start treating my body like a temple. It truly is, after all. It houses the soul. I want it to reflect the positivity within myself. I took more time to sleep, eat better, take bubble baths, take care of my skin, nails, hair, teeth. Wearing sunscreened face moisturizer. Even as much as keeping chapstick on and washing my hands more. I started taking vitamins, and I'm making plans to begin a yoga regimin (:

I started seeing life as more of a beautifu thing  that I really want to spend my life exploring. I want to help other people explore their own, as well. I began to think about the future. My positivity was directed towards acheiving my goals, as little or as big as they are. I started this 43 things for that! I've discovered happiness in all of these things,
and it is helping me grow as a person.

I'm proud to say that I've come this far by myself, and it was MORE than worth doing. I'm still going!

Lessons & tips: Try what I did ! =))))

Apr 12, 11:39AM PDT | 0 comments