Think before I talk, Listen without defending.

I usually have a good reason to defend myself, particularly when it comes to communications between M & me. Certainly he doesn’t intend to, but he DOES attack, so why wouldn’t I defend myself? I’ve decided to complete this goal because, while I think it’s brilliant and necessary and even attainable (eventually), I believe my ultimate wish is to be be a more effective communicator, both as listener and speaker. I’m not as much worried about my defensiveness, per se. Instead I ought to worry about being in a relationship that is so frequently “unsafe” that I feel the need to defend.

with getting pissed off and/or defensive is that I stop listening, which is how I miss the message. When I miss the message I can’t respond to it with feeling. If I can’t respond to it with feeling, the messenger doesn’t feel heard or understood. So he/she restates the message, usually in a louder, more frustrated voice, which then feels to me like I’m either being yelled at or condescended to – THAT I respond to, from an even more defensive position. And so it goes, escalating and darkening. As tension rises and anger mounts, we pull in other issues that have no business there, but we can’t help ourselves – we don’t feel any love in those moments – we aren’t a team with a common goal in those moments – all we feel is the need to defend.

That is a problem.

I have to work on my sarcastic humor! I know it’s one of my flaws which I really want to change. It’s funny to some people that I make sarcastic remarks and as I have seen not to all people. It could get annoying sometimes and rub some people the wrong way. Unfortunately conveying laughter using irony isn’t working. I’m tired of the witty and sarcastic behavior I have; so im going to find sense of humor somewhere else.

As I found out today, I have anger issues. It’s hard for me to think before I talk when all this aggression is running around my head. This goal is more difficult then I thought it was. I must find another approach to this problem, in order to fulfill this. I need to scan through things and find another way to let my anger out in a way an adult would handle it.

like Eleanor Roosevelt once’s said:

“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.”

So yesterday I went to the mall with my sister and cousin. I soon realize that my sister and cousin have a problem when it comes to cursing! Apparently that’s one of my idiosyncrasies! I can’t stand when people just blunt out curse every time they talk. Talk about bad mannerism. I wanted to say something so bad because they were embarrassing me. I knew they weren’t going to listen to me even if I told them how I felt about what they were doing. I said something anyways, I told them that they had bad mouths and said all that comes out of there mouths was ignorance. All I got back was SO! I usually react back to defend myself but instead listened without defending, so I wont make the situation any worse. Hmm…this Think before I talk, Listen without defending is working for me. It’s keeping out of conflict I don’t want to get myself into.

Sometimes it’s better not say nothing at all. An open mind doesn’t necessarily mean an open mouth.

I said a lot of things during my lifetime which I regret. Mainly it’s said out of anger. Which I don’t really mean. I also use to argue a lot with other’s because I’m usually opinionated. So Think before I talk, Listen without defending is something I’m starting to put into value of my persona. So should a lot of people.