be inspired

i may have done this by adopting a goal to strive to become a professor. the daily grind of planning and grading is not enough for me right now. even if i don’t become a professor, at least i’ll contribute meaningful research to my field. i’m now taking my last class toward the ph.d., so can focus on research and publishing for the next two years.

I read an article called ‘A Sacred Journey’ by Reverend Debbie Shields.

She talks about the book On Retreat with Thomas Merton by Basil Pennington.

She quotes, “First we must detach ourselves from things so that we can truly see them. When we do, we see God in them. Then we can begin the quest for God, leaving things behind, going into the darkness. When we find God, we find all things again in Him-the hundredfold. But, we have a job of letting go of things - especially of our own creations: our thoughts and images. We try to get God to fit within them. But any god who will fit into our thoughts and images will never satisfy our hearts. He is a false god, an idol that we have created. We have to have the courage to go beyond our thoughts and images where, at first, it is very dark… This is the initial experience in Centering Prayer: darkness—until the inner eye of the heart opens and adapts to the too brilliant light that is God. This eye is the penetrating eye of love. When it opens the heart is filled.”

She writes of taking a time of soul searching and honest reflection of our lives and allowing spiritual growth to take place that then prompts our working to make a difference in our personal lives, in our communities,and in our world.

and now am looking for it again. i’ve accomplished every goal that i set out for myself over the past 9 years, only to find that the goals were not means to the end i was searching for. i focused too much on extrinsic rewards and not on intrinsic, slow, steady progress.

now i find that my inspiration has escaped me, and i’m looking to find it again. entire weekends have gone by without me completing any work; i haven’t been planning lessons, haven’t been grading papers until the last minute, haven’t been doing research or writing proposals.

i’m not sure of the underlying cause – is it hopelessness? lack of a clear direction? i don’t know, but need to reflect and figure it out.

Seven years I’ve waited
Seven years of holding on
Yes, it’s been
Yes, it’s been
Always get my faith and
I always knew this day would come
Let everybody know

I’ve made up my mind
It’s time for a new beginning
I’m living my life, yeah
It’s time for a new beginning

There’s a new day coming
I’m getting ready for a change
Yes, I am
Yes, I am
Gotta keep on running
Gotta be a better way
Yes, there is
Yes, there is

I gotta do what’s in your heart
Say what’s on your mind
Everybody (everybody)
Gotta be true to myself
I feel now that it’s my time
Let everybody know, yeah

I’ve made up my mind
It’s time for a new beginning
I’m living my life
It’s time for a new beginning now

It’s time for a new beginning
Yeah

I’ve made up my mind
It’s time for a new beginning
I’m living my life (living my life)
It’s time for a new beginning

Come on, come on
There’s gotta be a better way
(It’s time for a new beginning)
(I’m living my life)
Come on, come on
There’s gotta be a better day
(It’s time for a new beginning)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.”
- Margaret Mead
(43T quote)

I love this site!!!

I’m always looking for things that will inspire me. These things include videos, photographs, music, art, and people.

These days, I find the average American voter inspiring—I never thought I would live to see the day when I would be so proud of my country, and so hopeful for a brighter future in America.

Theoretically – everything in this world should be inspiring. The fact we are even alive is a miracle unto itself. But by and large, the historic events that positively inspire large groups of people are few and far between, which is why I feel so lucky to have been part of and witness to one.

Smaller things that have recently inspired me—a pinhole camera I received as a gift. getting in touch w/old friends who I haven’t seen in too long. the smells of weekend cooking wafting through the house. pumpkin pie ice cream. long conversations with my mother on the phone. breaking in new running sneakers on a 5 mile run by the river on a perfect day. singing in my band.

How do I do this? It seems that being inspiring would be easier, and out of the billions of people that have lived, only like .01% have managed to do that. Ugh.

Ok, so I didn’t write 10 to 15 entries, but things came full circle today, when we went out to breakfast with the friends mentioned in my first entry. They now have a piano, and he is taking guitar lessons. I told him that I remembered him telling me about that hallucinogenic experience over coffee.

I would also recommend thestory.org (their podcast is great) or storycorps (also another great podcast). I cry on the bus all the time when I’m listening to those!

I want to read Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. I remembered that I want to read this book when I read a magazine article that talked about his being a prisoner and that by sharing his food with someone who was having a rougher time than him he was able to survive. Article talks about reframing the question from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What is life asking of me?”