deal with my addictions

So in 2008 I’ve decided not to buy any new clothes for myself. There are a couple of exceptions that I’ve laid out, but basically no new clothes. I have so many great clothes and I figured it was the right thing to do right now. I get really tempted sometimes when I see clothes in shops, but having this rule is great. I’ve spent heaps less on shopping so far. Still working on the food thing.

I’ve got it BAD!

I am obsessive/compulsive in nearly everything I do. Sometimes it’s a good thing for me … in fact, in many ways it’s a good motivator for me.

But it’s the side-effects I can do without … anxiety, nervousness, lack of sleep …. not being able to just “chill” for long ….

I need to learn to do things in moderation.

Whatever it is …. I have to do it to the extreme … whether it’s exercise, shopping, smoking, swimming, writing, blogging, sex …. WHATEVER it is … it all ends up being obsessive for me …

I believe it’s called OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. I haven’t been diagnosed with it …. but then I haven’t been upfront with any Dr’s about it either.

I think I am making head way but at this point it is through setting rules for myself. I want to get to the place where I can deal with life – disappointments, anger, etc without turning to one of these things, or wanting to turn to one of these things for comfort. I know that if I didn’t have the rules I have in place right now, I’d be eating and spending away.

What are they? Food and Spending. They are my drugs of choice – I’m not obese and I’m not in debt but when I need comfort, a boost, when I’m bored or depressed – I turn to one or both of these. I hope and pray that I can change my habits, my coping mechanisms.