Maintain my integrity

it is funny that this is the quote that should show up while i am writing my last entry for this goal. it is about change and how you need to change to be a better human being. i have successfully completed this goal and have an unbelievable amount of energy ready for the next challenge i set because of completing this goal.
thank you especially to littlesoul, tractorum, and Irishpheonix for their encouraging words and good spirits. and thank you to everyone else for support that they offered. thank you.

so this week i have been doing great with my intergrity goal as far as staying out of the mindless trashing and working at work – which is probaly why they call it work;) – but i’ve hit a road block, or more specifically a unexpected hurdle.
at the end of the workweek i experienced the fallout of changing the status quo. even though i never got to comlete last weeks goal of standing up for myself, the same people who i have been trying to get away from at work where able to affect my belief in myself greatly. they threw at my all the passive aggresiveness and malice they could muster. and i took it real hard. i’ve never been good at handling that kind of anger/hatred and i definetly did not handle it well that day. even when i came home i was still questioning my entire being, of whether i was in the wrong career or did i make mistake along the way.
after a couple days of digesting what happened did i realise that what they did only shows how small they are and shows how much better i am doing – i am ruffling feathers and it is not appreciated. or this is just my residual anger from the event speaking.
so next week my final week of this challenge i will, after mustering considerable courage, speak to the aggressors and air my thoughts and see if it is not something else that is bothering them and i just happen to be a convenient punching bag. if that is the case i will inform them that no i am not a place to vent your anger.

this past week i was able to stay away from the mindless trashing that goes on in my workplace. i was also able start speaking my opinion when it was ok to do so and ended up impressing some people who are worth getting respect from. i still need to work on it though, because it’s still not an automatic response.

i want to keep working on giving my opinion this week. i want to use it more for standing up for myself when someone has comprimised my integrity or those around me. i’m going to keep it soley for extreme circumstances though, so i don’t end up as an old witch hounding on everyone about how they should act. just for those occasions when someone has spoken about me in a way that is not charcteristic of my work or behavior. and not in a blowout fashion, just pulling them aside and speaking quietly about the matter.

i am doing better than i have in the past few weeks. just avoiding the people/situations that would get me into trouble before and spending that time being productive helps alot. if i can’t leave the situation then i either don’t say anything or flat out say i disagree with what they are saying.

i’ve also been reading about the moral intergrity and found out it is also being honest in what you convey to people about your own opinions and thoughts. next week i am going to focuse on tactfully expressing my opinion when it is right to do so and especially when asked for it.

i am starting to make progress. now i just make sure i am busy and throw myself into a project that takes me away from the gossip and jerking off that others are doing. it is what i am being paid to do anyway, i figure that those in power will notice even if they don’t say anything.

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. ~James D. Miles

i originally started with this goal as my first month long challenge because it is something that has always been said that i have and is as of right now the piece of my character that is slipping the fastest. it’s amazing how much we pick up from those around us, it reminds me of the story of the frog boiling in water – that if you place him in hot water he would immediatly jump out, but place him in cold water then slowly turn up the heat, and he boils.
i’m in a bad situation, my own morals and beliefs are slipping for the sake of getting along with my coworkers. the things that set me apart no longer exist. when i started this job i was told that i would be the last person to be broken by ‘this place’, that has now apparently happened.
integrity is when your own values that you hold dear match up with your actions, thoughts, and words. that if you belive it’s not right to make fun of someone, then you don’t make fun of someone or better yet stand up for them, whether they are present or not, your friend or enemy. my own beliefs have always been so high that i always bordered on being a pariah, but there were always people who would still accept me for who i was.
i’ve decided what i need to do.
1. think deeply about what i value and belive in and how my actions match up to my thoughts and outward behavior
2. stay away from the situations that encourage me to go against my beliefs
3. if i can’t get away then stand up for myself and others around me

wish me the best in staying strong and remembering who i am

Integrity has no need of rules.
Albert Camus

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

That disturbs people when they know they didn’t have the guts or integrity to stick to their dreams.
Sandra Bernhard

One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised.
Chinua Achebe

Integrity can be neither lost nor concealed nor faked nor quenched nor artificially come by nor outlived, nor, I believe, in the long run, denied
Eudora Welty

what else /is/ worth it if you can’t stay in integrity????

Mine went ‘out the window’ after I graduated from U.

Here’s the thing, my personal gripe with student loans. I was so DESPERATE to pay off the damn thing, I took jobs with – GASP – BANKS. You heard it, BANKS.

shudder

Luckily for me, I’ve abandoned the corporate & embrace the alternative media. Now to FIND my integrity again… & keep a firm grip!