Yesterday I managed to go pull-free! Yes! So that is one day down and 165 days to go before the wedding. Doing well so far today, but I will update tomorrow. Night-time is my worst time so I can’t get too lax. Major triggers for me are: being tired, peanuts, caffeine, driving. It’s so gross. Hate that I have this issue. 1 week ago
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My best friend is getting married on August 9th and I am her maid of honor. I have 166 days to get this nasty habit under control or I will be publicly humiliated. I want to feel great getting my hair done, don’t want to have to explain to yet another hairdresser about my bald spots and tell them that I have a thyroid problem or that my hair got burned in the hair dryer. ha!
So…this is my day one. I am super motivated to do this. Gotta make it happen. 1 week ago
I did pull today, but I was feeling really guilty which is a good first step. I usually don’t feel bad about it, it’s just something I do. Tomorrow I will go one day pull free :)
Lisa 3 weeks ago
I have gotten really bad. My hair is a lot thinner on the left side of my head. I would love to stop doing this to myself once and for all. Tomorrow is day one again, I have to keep trying!
Good luck everyone :)
Lisa 3 weeks ago
Feels very good to be able to say I’m at a month. The urges are getting stronger lately, probably because of stress piling up, but each milestone makes more determined. 3 months next. 1 month ago
I have to admit to myself that I am pulling and that it’s spiraling out of control. I made it so long without pulling and I finally felt good about my hair, but now I need to stop again, because it’s getting bad.
I especially pull during times of stress.
Starting tomorrow (or really today—because it’s 3 am here) I will keep track of very pull. 1 month ago
Less than a week away from having a month pull-free, and I’m finding the more goals I get under my belt, the more incentive I have not to screw it up and start over. Still could use a good substitute for when I find my hands straying to my head. 1 month ago
And change. Still having some really tough days—I find myself playing with my hair a lot or tugging it without actually pulling. I need a substitute for nerves, and I need a good short cut. Luckily no giving in. Keeping that “a year from start to finish” idea tucked away for when I need it is handy there, as long as I can keep it out of my mind on a more day to day basis. It’d get too overwhelming otherwise.
On to one month… 1 month ago
3 days and one week passed with much less trouble than I was expecting—especially given the issues I’ve had lately in my life, but possibly they’re just keeping me too busy to even consider it.
Yesterday had a few really tough spots, I found myself twirling and tugging pretty bad, but just reminding myself of the idea of an entire year from start to finish kept me from actually doing it.
On towards two weeks… 1 month ago
One day pull-free—I’m kind of simultaneously motivating myself with the prospect of a year start to finish pull-free and trying not to dwell on the idea so it doesn’t become too big and overwhelming. A goal like that is so tempting, but so dangerous to look that far ahead. So for now it’s one day down, and three days coming. 2 months ago
Ever since my hellish day, things have gotten a little better. I still feel very lonely and lost and empty, but I am trying to get past those feelings. I didn’t pull for 3 days and that’s an accomplishment. :) 4 months ago
Today started off really poorly because yesterday ended really poorly. My mom won’t talk to me for some reason and it’s really upsetting to me. It makes me stressed out and I pull. Last night I pulled and now, this morning, however I am trying to stop. I am just so lonely and sad and it’s frustrating to worry about whether my mother is mad at me or not all the time. It feels like I am walking on eggshells sometimes. I love my family, but it can be hard. And worse, I feel like I’m putting my brother in a difficult position and I do not want to do that because he’s my best friend. It’s my duty to protect him. 5 months ago
I pulled no hairs on the 8th. A few on the 9th and then stopped. None on the 10th, and then just one today. I am doing pretty well! I am proud of myself. I think I’ve just been too tired and worn out to have the time to relax (which is when I tend to pull). I need to make sure to give myself a rest though…. 5 months ago
Day 7: I spoke to my family today about some heavy topics and I had a rough day yesterday, so I pulled a 3 hairs, but I stopped myself each time. 5 months ago
I didn’t pull at all today… my hands were too busy holding onto rocks so that I did not plummet to my death as a climbed a mountain.
Today was a very emotional day for me… I am a vase and all the cracks are starting to show. I am broken beyond repair. 5 months ago
Today I pulled two times. Each time I immediately stopped! Onward and upwards! Tomorrow, I will be climbing a mountain, so I might be too tired to write, but I will mark my progress on the next day! I am excited. I think I will be able to squelch this before it gets too the point of baldness and having to hide. 5 months ago
It’s day four and I didn’t pull at all. I felt like pulling and I stopped myself. I think keeping this goal in the corner of my mind made me reconsider those times when I thought, “it’s only one hair,” because it’s never really ever just one hair… is it? I always pull again and again and again. That one small action, a pulled hair, triggers a land slide. I must stop myself from pulling, from going off the cliff. I always wanted to be a Catcher in the Rye, and look, here I am saving myself from falling off. Maybe I can help some other people from falling off along the way. I know how it feels because I’ve fallen and gotten up to fall again and again. But it’s not fun to fall off metaphorical cliffs. Literal cliffs are fun, metaphorical cliffs are painful. No, they aren’t fun at all. I think I’ll try my best not to fall again if I can. I’ll be my own Catcher in the Rye. How sad that we all must fall in one way or another. How sad that we think we can save others from falling. How sad that we can’t. How sad that we will keep on trying. But what would we be if we didn’t even try? Maybe in trying, we make a difference, even for those who still end up falling. 5 months ago
Day 2, I pulled about 4 or 5 times, but I stopped myself each time so that my pulling did not continue after the initial pull and spiral out of control.
Today, day 3, I only pulled one hair.
And the days Progress. 5 months ago
Lune Fromage: Born of Stardust "If we don't change, then everything that we do to ourselves will just happen again."
“If we don’t change, then everything that we do to ourselves will just happen again.”
I was reading a blog post about Paranoia Agent (my favourite television program) and someone used the above quote to describe the main theme of the show.
I have been pulling my hair on and off and the quote really hit me. In the show, everyone repeats the same mistakes over and over again and rarely does anyone take responsibility for their actions. I need to stop making excuses. When I do things that hurt others, I take immediately responsibility and try to stop, but when I hurt myself, I let it continue on. It’s not fair to treat myself that way. It’s embarrassing to keep having to come back to this goal, but if I do not admit that I have a problem, then I will never stop for good. Perhaps I will always have the urge, but I need to keep it at bay.
As for today, I did not pull at all. A good start. I know I will make mistakes, but I need to be better organized. I am going to buy a planner after school tomorrow. In it I will keep track of my lesson plans. I will also post here everyday about my hair pulling progress (unless I am for some reason out of the range of my computer or on a trip, but if that is so, then I am less likely to pull).
Today is a new start. Ganbaru 頑張る (I can do it)! 5 months ago
I pulled one hair on the 5th and two today. Not bad, because I have been having a rough couple of days, so I think I am handling everything pretty well!
Ganbatte!(Try your best or “go for it” in Japanese). 6 months ago
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…
I am doing well! I felt like pulling once today and I stopped myself. I didn’t pull at all today and I am doing very well.
If I keep this up, then soon I will be back on track and atop the mountain again.
I can do it! I know that I can. The hardest part is starting to stop and admitting to myself that I am pulling and I’ve already done that. 6 months ago
I haven’t pulled in 3 days and it feels really great! Keeping busy and riding my bike helps a lot. I use my bike as my main method of transportation, so by the time I get home, I am too tired to even feel like pulling my hair!... I usually just want to pass out on my futon! 6 months ago
Picked a day I knew I’d be too damn busy to have many chances. I’m coming into a pretty jam-packed weekend, too, so hopefully by the time things slow down on Friday I’ll have enough momentum to keep me going.
Three days, here we come.
P.S. Has anyone else tried staving of urges by brushing their hair/scalp really, really vigorously? I’m finding the sensation really kills the urge for a bit, especially if you work over your scalp hard. 6 months ago
I did so well for so long, and now it’s getting worse each day. This needs to stop before it becomes noticeable again.
Going for one day today. 6 months ago
I started pulling again and so I am keeping track to stop myself.
I did not pull at all today, though, and I am proud of myself. I decided to stop putting myself down so much. I should not hurt myself; I am a good person and no one has a right to hurt me. 6 months ago
Day 27 I didn’t pull at all and Day 28 I only pulled once.
I wanted to repel off of the side of skyscraper today, but I had to work instead. :(
I have been constantly exhausted and I feel as though I am swimming as hard as I can and barely keeping my head above water, but today I barely pulled at all and that is a victory. 9 months ago
On day 25 I pulled 5 times and today I didn’t pull at all! I am super tired because I worked until 11:00 PM tonight and I have to work at 7:00 am tomorrow!
I am proud of myself for not pulling at all today. 9 months ago
I have been pulling. I am mad at myself, but I recognize that being mad won’t help me stop. I just need to really keep track and not say “one pull is okay” like I have been doing—- because it is obviously not okay. I can do this when I put my mind to it.
I cannot use stress as an excuse to hurt myself. I need to keep a pen on me so that I can draw when I am stressed and want to do something with my hands… 10 months ago
I pulled a few times on days 18, 19, and 20, but not too much. Today, just now, I have been so nervous that I was pulling without stopping. However now I realized what I was doing, consciously decided to stop, and I’m stopping.
Today at work was horrible. The other day I accidently broke the disk drive of the photo machine because the photo person was on his break (I am training in photo, so I took his place) and the machine said that the media needed to be replaced, so I opened the machine to replace the media and the disk drive was open (I didn’t know that a disk was in the drive) and it broke.
Then today the machine was not printing photos the way it should have. I asked a manager for help several times and eventually (when the photo machine stopped working an error message popped up) the manager told me to call the support number. I asked him for the number and he told me that I should have been given it. I wasn’t. I ended up calling 5 different numbers and being on hold for about 3 hours until I spoke to someone who told me that she needed to have a technician call me back at the store. S/he never called during my shift and I think everyone is mad at me and blames me for the machine not working. I was so stressed out and crying in the car on the way home. Also, I haven’t been taking breaks (to earn extra money), so I am largely tired and hungry most of the time.
I am just really stressed out. Plus I have to worry about keeping up with JET, Teach for America, my sign holding job, family responsibilities, cleaning at home, and attempting to spend time with my loved ones.
It’s probably obvious to anyone who has read any of my recent posts that I am just stressed out all the time. But this Monday/Tuesday I will have two days off in a row for the first time in months! It will be a real weekend! I am so excited to be able to finally rest 10 months ago