Phases
1 week ago
Sliding back and back and back. It’s so frustrating that I don’t know why I do so well for so long, and then lose it.
All I can do is keep starting over.
How to stop pulling my hair
It made me 
How I did it: First thing is that i felt I had to make some type of "ritual" out to stop to pulling my hair. I guess in my mind this would make it substantially easier to stop pulling my hair if I made a dramatic start in order to stop. i can remember when and where i started pulling. Dysfunction in my upbringing tried to expose itself by my own self-destruction. So I shaved my head...
I had been visualizing myself with a shaved head (for a while prior to doing it) just being free to go out without a "cover" for my head. This is really metaphorical for me on many deeper levels. I needed to shed the old self...I deeply desired change...i really wanted to be metamorphosized and my mental had changed to where I didn't care what anyone thought of me because I cared for too long and felt so, so empty within and without.
So I shaved my head...it was such a wickedly lovely feeling because I had not had my head not bound by a "cover" of some sort in 15+ years. I shocked myself...I was giddy with delight...and @ that moment I started to truly find myself beautiful...shaved and exposed.
It will be one month tomorrow that I have been pull-free! My new growth has come in like weeds...its grown so fast-though the patches where I pulled over a month ago are growin in at a slower rate, but I know with time it will all be even.
I had a moment of semi-conscious movement of my hands to a "hot-spot" on my head today. I think its an ingrown hair that kinda throbs a pain when I run my hand over my scalp (but its a pain that I have grown to interpret as pleasing).
As I was rubbing my scalp I then went to get a mirror to just look at it I told myself.
And usually I then grab the tweezers and pluck 1, then 2, then 3, then smooth patch...but this time...today...I didn't...I looked at the spot and saw indeed it was a small ingrown that was a bit inflamed and I ignored it. Now I'm typing about it...and then I'm off to the gym.
I find I must keep myself busy. And sometimes-because we can't keep running from ourselves with activities to distract us - at those moments when I'm at home and not feeling like going to do anything special that I reminisce on where I have come from:
Elementary and Middle school-not wanting anyone to sit behind me in class, not being able to or rather not hanging upside down at the jungle gym because my meticulously placed hair my expose my bald spot, not being able to explain to inquisitive eyes and mouths of schoolmates as to why i'm "bald-headed",not being able to allow others near me in case they may discover my "secret habit" and its destruction on me, hating having the sun or lights shine on my head...putting the fear that it will penetrate my thinned-out hair, making "wigs or covers " for my patches for my bald spots because my family didn't understand why i couldn't just stop pulliing...
High school- deeply hating myself...
I've come a long way...
I went to a friend's birthday gathering at a dance club last night with my short new growth and he touched my head (I've never had anyone considered friend ever touch my head) and he then said I looked like a princess...he doesn't know about my trich and he doesn't know how good that made me feel.
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Entries
cleanskies just painted her studio white
currently trialling a method I got from moodgym
2 weeks ago
I can’t remember the name, unfortunately, but the methodology is straightforward. Every time you pull, you record it—they suggest using a clicker, but I’m making marks on the back of business cards, one for each day, so I can track my pulling patterns.
If it’s working for you, you start off by seeing an increase in your pulling, and then it tails off, as the ritual of recording the pull begins to replace the pull itself.
I’ve been doing it since late April, and I think I’m pulling less—certainly from my head hair. Eyebrows and face scratching may take a little longer!
One thing I have noticed is that cropping, bleaching and dying my hair (I do this about every 5-6 weeks) is extremely helpful, and I typically don’t pull for a couple of weeks after I’ve done my hair.
ughhhh
3 weeks ago
i’m so glad i stumbled upon this website/posting. this has been a problem for me for some time now … and it’s becoming ridiculous! Every time I’m sitting around watching tv or surfing the net my left hand seems to perpetually make its way up to my scalp and the pulling begins and sometimes lasts for HOURS. There is a certain area where it feels REALLY good to pull—almost like scratching a bad itch, but even better. There also seems to be a lot of those crinkly/coarse hairs there, which feel really good to pull out. Its so silly when I really think about it, but i CANT STOP!!! I need to set a goal and really accomplish it. I don’t want to lose my full, thick, head of hair!!!
Setback
1 month ago
The bad: I did some pulling today and yesterday. I don’t know why I suddenly gave in, I wasn’t having a lot of stress or anxiety.
The good: I didn’t let myself totally give in to the point where I zoned out for an hour or gave myself any huge patches. It was really minor pulling.
So I’m going to take just a small step back, and do another one-week goal starting tomorrow. This is still so much progress! I can’t get discouraged now.
One week!
1 month ago
Starting my two-week goal on Sunday—this is going so well, I’m going to have to come up with a good reward for myself.
Untitled
1 month ago
Okay, some of you might think I’m crazy, but I’ve tried everything possible to stop pulling. I have absolutely no will power when it comes to this, it’s like almost like it’s beyond my control and my hand automatically wanders to my head.
I went and saw a hypnotherapist last week and I’m happy to say that my pulling has dramatically decreased. I think that with a few more sessions, maybe I can overcome this disease of mine. I haven’t felt to proud and happy for myself in over 15 years!!! I’ve definitely set a world record with myself :)
Five days done...
1 month ago
...and on into my one-week goal. I can’t believe I’m finally doing this.
I’m getting quite fuzzy-headed, and that’s made a big difference. I can actually see and touch the progress I’ve made, and my pride in that has gotten me through some of the tougher moments.
I’ve also been giving myself substitute behaviors—I’ve got some yarn that I wind back and forth around my fingers when my hands are restless, and I chew gum when I’m anxious. Or pencils. Yeah, this goal is losing me a lot of pencils. But that’s okay.
Casa_Gee has decided to start her essay at 1 am...
Day 0 ~INTRO~
1 month ago
okay so i havent OFFICIALLY stopped all together.
the longest i have gone without pulling was about 4 weeks.
Its been 12 years of baldness and its time for change! and stick to it! For 66% of my life i have been constantly paranoid, anxious, hurt, and it sucks.
Sounds silly, but i have gotten long gel nails last week. Wow do they give me a confidence boost or what. Crazy eh?
And THEY ARE HELPING!
The amount of damage i would usually do in a day has been what i have done in a whole week. No complaints there.
To be continued.. ;)
Three days!
2 months ago
This one was harder. At first I really did just ride the wave of self-confidence that my one-day goal had given me, but by the end of the second day it was getting difficult not to pull. One thing I’ve found that works is scratching or rubbing my head really hard when I get the urge. It works just short-term, but usually long enough that I can stop and remind myself of all the progress I’m making. That’s been helping, too—reminding myself how much I’d undo with even just one hair.
Starting tomorrow, I’m going for five days.
One day!
2 months ago
I made it all day yesterday pull-free!
And I’m now well underway with my three-day goal—making my one-day one psyched me up so much that I think it’s making a real difference now. Just got to keep building on that.
You guys can do it, too!
