beat social anxiety

I’m 42, fit, attractive, educated and frankly, a pretty hip guy. I also suffer daily from Social Anxiety (and it’s pesky cousin Depression). I never addressed my ‘problem’ in my 20’s and 30’s. I ignored it and denied it to myself but in reality I was failing to succeed or accomplish any goals in life. I was (and still am) totally void of self-confidence and esteem. I ruined or ran from every romantic relationship I ever had.

I became an isolated ‘loner’ and underachiever with a only a small group of ‘friends’. I’ve never managed to secure a real career and as a result I’m broke, lonely and scared.

After reading many of these posts here from people who seems to be of college age or younger, I just want to say to you:
Keep pushing yourself to beat SA! You are at an advantage by trying to tackle this at such a young age. Please don’t give up and end up like me. As you age, these SA challenges just get more and more overwhelming and lead to serious lifelong consequences.

Ok, that’s it! Good luck.

Seriously, once someone has social anxiety, is it even possible to beat it? I have it so bad and I can’t imagine it ever going away. I am obviously working on it with trying to find a job and trying to go to college, but I don’t see how those will make it go away. Especially the horrible blushing.

I’ve been trying to do this for a while now. I feel like social anxiety and shyness is ruining my life. I was reading my old school reports and it said things like ‘Hannah is a confident and popular member of the class and I know she will go far’. Somewhere along the line it must have gone wrong. I am determined to beat it though! However long it takes. I bought a book on confidence and it began to really help! But then I had exams so I haven’t had time to read it. I’m going to pick it up again.

I would really like to achieve this by the end of summer, because I want to start my new job as the person I want to be.

Was so scary. I was sweating, there were LOTS of ppl. Wasn’t sure if I was going to make to make it through. Usually I would have walked out and went home but somehow…I made it through the whole thing. I even got a follow up meeting so that’s good news. :) Maybe this is a new step.

Who knows. Peace.

I need to get through this. Being in therapy for years helped and I was in remission for my last year of school. Now the symptoms are coming back, and I’m scared. If it weren’t for my mom I’d starve because sometimes it’s hard going to the supermarket…down the block.

After 6 months in group therapy and forcing myself to talk and go out with people and whatnot, I am finally about 80-90 percent better! I’m marking it as done, although I don’t think this is something that will ever be fully finished…kind of like running on the spot.

But anyway – a lot of that was down to using CBT, so please check it out, you won’t be sorry. Also, look out for books (the Gillian Butler self-help book is very good), and keep a written journal of your thoughts, feelings, situations you find challenging/difficult and any progress you make (it’s great to look back and see how far you’ve come!).

Lastly, remember – you can only relapse if you’ve made headway in the first place. Don’t ever give up!

I identify with a lot of the things you guys have said. The only time i feel socially “comfortable” is after i’ve had a few drinks…it’s as if my brain shuts off and i stop worrying about my surroundings. Unfortunately it doesn’t last and end up drinking too much or hiding out..it’s so frustrating but glad i’m not the only one

doing my head in. I was going to write more, but I’m too tired, and I’m removing the goal again; hopefully, one day, I can mark this off as “completed” (it’ll most definitely be “worth doing!”). A lot of people dealing with this, think that you can only learn to manage it, that you can never get over it, but this is a learned behaviour, for me… surely, if it was learned, then I can get past it, even though I’ve been dealing with it for years (I also believe that it could be possible, when it comes to those for whom it isn’t learned). Oh, well. In the meantime, I consider myself to be in good company. :)

I’m almost there….i think. I really cant tell to be honest because it always seems like one step forward, two steps back, but i can see that I’ve progressed. I definatly try and get out there but I still get extremely nervous at times, but i’m proud of what im accomplishing. It’s a real battle, but most of the time I get my stupid, irational thoughts undercontrol. Still. I have been feeling depressed recently for not enjoying myslef as much as I want, having this thing holding me back. I’v got to point where i’m so fed up I feel like going sod it, I wanna go crazy but that last a few minutes. i’M at my happiest when I’m drunk. The real me comes out. To be able to relax everyday would be the best thing. I’m comforted though by the fact that I’m not the only one. It’s hard when you dont know what goes on in other people’s minds.

I think I’m almost done with this. There are, of course, still some situations when I default, but they have become rare. To think I used to default at any chance encounter, or even a conversation that didn’t go the way I thought it would go! I still wish to test somewhat the extent to which my social skills have improved.

Now I look back to where I’ve been and where I got to, I’m filled with joy for all the things I’ve done while trying to rid myself of social anxiety. I’ve made friends better than I’ve ever been able to make at school, I got myself a boyfriend, and I got to improve my positions on various teams at college so I can do certain things my way rather than the way that was in store for me had I defaulted on my social skills again.

Phew! Just a little farther to go.