fall in love and be loved..

I have the first part right…if only I could get the second part.

yes this is a funny word. love really can build you up and then tear you down without a smigan of mercy. I have often bee on the receiving end of the pain, as I have always loved them more then they have loved me. I fall hard you see and that of course is my downfall. I always wanted the love that is mutual and bueatiful, but I think that maybe that is not what Life has in store for me. Too hurt too lonely and not being self piting cuase been there done that, got the oversized t-shirt.

That guy never worked out, but we do still talk and he’s a great listener.

For the past few weeks I’ve been talking to this guy who is my best-friends boyfriends best-friend (got it?). We have so much to talk about all the time. Apparently, he tends to be a quiet guy (someone said this about him to me), but whenever we get together he just starts smiling this adorable smile and opening up to me. I really like the things he says, and he is super creative. I’m soooo excited to see him again. He lives on the other side of the state, but I’m going back there in nine days- count them… nine days- to go to a concert with him over the weekend. I hope we have as much fun as we did the last few times.

We’re both so excited, and I’ve been giddy and smitten all week! I hope this works out… I’m going to take it slow, because I really want this to become something bigger.

I guess my crush was just that, a crush. I talked to him and he wanted to just be friends. I’m alright with it. I’ll get over it, but this whole experience made me realize that I can open my self up to people and not get destroyed.

My fear has always been that if I let one person in I’d have to let everyone in, and that’s not how it works. Now, I just have to meet someone new. It’s hard because I have so many other priorities, but I’ll figure it out.

I hope.

well macdougm i hope everything works out for u and ur crush… sometimes feelings do come quickly, but they’re just as strong and i hope he makes ur wish come true

I fell in love last night!! Actually, I think it might be just a crush, but I’m cherishing the butterflies! It could never work out… which makes me feel horrible. He lives 2 hours from me, he’s 7 years older then me, just graduating from med school, and planning on moving to Seattle. I want so much for something to happen that will let me see him one more time. Just to hold his hand, look into his eyes, or fall into his arms. Ahhhhh, that would be wonderful. I hardly know anything about him, but I feel like I’ve known him my entire life.

Wish me luck!

I feel like I haven’t discovered myself fully, like I don’t know who I am well enough to let someone else love me. But really maybe the reason that I feel like I’m missing something is because I don’t have someone to love and care for. Maybe that’s the missing peice.

I want so badly to have that all-consuming feeling for someone.

I suspect that this isn’t a practical goal at this time. I have enough trouble loving myself; how could I possibly manage to fall in love with someone else?