let go of my anger

On the subway, there are those “sticks” people hold on to if there are no seats left.
Some people completely lean on these things so that you can’t use them anymore.
This pisses me off. This is ridiculous, I know, but I can’t help it!

I added this goal to my list when I was very angry. At everything and everyone.

I just need to expect less from people so that I won’t be disappointed that much. I keep hoping good things will come but they really do not.

People do not give back as much as they get …

On the other hand, I sometimes get annoyed by people when they’ve done nothing wrong. This mostly happens at the end of the day, when I’m tired but still … Being this angry all the time doesn’t do me any good and is tiresome.

I am unable to let go of my past experances with women that it has caused me once again to lost a wonder woman. I compare them and don’t allow the love from my partner.

to really letting go. A lot of this has been recognizing my part in a lot of the situations that have contributed to the anger I’ve held on to. It’s also involved recognizing that people just do the best they can with the tools they have, but I don’t have to let them inflict themselves on me. :-)

i honestly don’t even know where to begin. i would like to somehow accomplish this goal without years of psychoanalysis. i know that overcoming my anger is pivitol to my recovery from cancer. I think I like the anger because it feels better than fear or sadness, it gives me energy even if it is the wrong kind of energy.

ok, what am i so angry about anyway???

I am just so frickinfrackin tired of wasting my time, my energy, my attention, my emotion on unproductive anger. For almost 20 years i have struggled with the unasked for understanding that the human world is pretty FUCKED UP. Most people don’t notice even half of the stuff that drives me nuts nearly every day. Like:

because of a lack of relational thinking in the fields of product design, automotives and urban infrastructure, my infant son’s buggy is exactly the right height so that exhaust blows more or less into his face. Now, if i wasn’t a broke-ass student I could afford the kind of buggy that Gwyneth Paltrow had, in which the baby rides much higher. Thanks guys, now my son has shifted to the wrong end of the statistical scale of who gets lung cancer. A lifetime of shit like this is how people who seem healthy get cancer.

I can’t even buy a jar of goddamn apple sauce, as every single brand in the mainstream shops has apple flavouring in it. It’s all apples, what the hell else is it going to taste like? Am I insane for wanting a jar of only apples without having to go to a special store for it? I could make it myself but sometimes i’m in a hurry.

I could go on and on: we all could. But I can’t take it any more. It’s making me ill, and it shortens my life (it’s true, many studies show happy people live longer and healthier lives). It’s also a terrible example for my boy. My mother is a veteran whiner, though she doesn’t realise it. When i spend too long with her it drives me mental. I have to root out this inheritance before I pass it on.

This is not going to make all the terrible things go away, but it does diminish their control over me. This is a victory. By making this decision, I choose to not let the bastards get me down. Righteous and motivating anger can be useful but there’s so much I can’t fix. I just have to let it go.

As for people, it comes down to comedy. it’s hard to be angry when you’re laughing, and a good laugh, even at someone’s staggering idiocy, can burn off the excess energy of anger rather than letting it simmer without an outlet. It is almost impossible not to find something a little funny in every situation, life-or-death moments not withstanding.

The next step: martial arts…

A lifetime of perceived slights? A few big (actual) slights? Honestly, enough is enough. I’m sick to death of being defensive, and quick to anger/slow to cool. It doesn’t make me a good husband, it doesn’t make me a good father, it doesn’t do me anything but harm. I’m not some raging asshole, but there’s this continual smoldering just below the surface. When I was younger, it was sadness… and now it’s anger, and it sucks. How do I let it go?

For me, this might be my toughest goal of all. When I decide I don’t like somebody or something, I keep feeling that way until I have a reason to stop. Its so draining and I’m sick of it. I’ve burned so many bridges in the last year, and I’m tired of making “life or death” situations out of things because I get annoyed. I know my husband would like for me to cut that out too! Pray for me guys, this is gonna be tough.

Can’t change the past, but I can learn not to be angry about the way things are. It won’t do me any good to be angry.