Discover what motivates me

Creativity, ideas, the big picture

I can’t do the small stuff until the big picture makes sense.

I’m a thrill-seeker. I have a huge appetite for “dry” knowledge, and that motivates me in an academic sense, but what makes my heart pump an unrestrained red is the feeling of chest-tingling adventure that sits just around the corner. It’s this desire that’s starting to shape the way I see my future – I’m motivated to have an astronomically successful career that allows me to travel and to learn in a hands-on, I’m living it way.

This entry has grown out of the fact that I’ve just found out I’ve been accepted to go on exchange next year. To Canberra, Australia, to study and to experience. There a whirlwind of possibilities in my mind for what I want to do after that, but that will all come later.

Breaking down seemingly huge problems into achievable goals, and then just getting one of those done. This seems to get me over the bump in the road that can stop me in my tracks too often. On days off I need to get one thing done when I first get up, not just sit bewildered and vaguely guilty all day about what I should be doing.

Must also try to scale down the perfectionism in me. The temptation not to do something for fear of getting it wrong is unhelpful.

let’s figure it out

Meaning.

I don’t think my “problem” is with lack of motivation. So far this year, I’ve barely noticed my motivation, but it’s not that I’ve been non-productive. Just the opposite, in fact.

The equation is as simple as this. I’ve been making decisions. I’ve being sticking to those decisions. Results have followed. Examples include my persistence with CT5K, my complete lack of drinking in March (although there have been times when I have craved a glass of wine so much I’ve sat there and sniffed G’s for half an hour!). I haven’t missed any classes this year, because I decided I wouldn’t. It’s a little scary – I’ve never felt this mechanical about things before. Maybe it’s not mechanical, though. Maybe it’s just that I’ve stripped away the faffing and excuses and “not right now, maybe tomorrow” procrastinations. I don’t know how it happened, but I’m liking it.

When it comes down to it, all that’s there is me and that one, small moment when I get to choose: yes or no. There is no big secret that I’m in the dark about.

I can say yes by picturing the result, where that one little word will get me. I can say yes, and know that it will get easier and easier to say it every time I do.

The thrill of the deadline. More and more I’m discovering that I perform very well under pressure (and I just had a delightful soundbite of the Queen song by the same name flash through my head – “It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about”). The problem with this is twofold. First, in terms of my university work, I end up stressing myself out to the nth degree and making life not-so-nice for anyone who crosses my (war)path. Second, this type of motivation is very difficult to generate when my goals are not-so-pressing (for example, to eat well, or to attend yoga). These are things that can be (and all too often are) put off.

I might do some research on this. I would like to unlock a quiet, steady and consistent motivation that gets me through the day and keeps me on course in the longer term.

If I am told to do something which is reasonably achievable, but I have some fear of doing it for some reason, then I find it difficult to even try. But strangely, if the goal is set even higher, this motivates me to give it a go, because knowing I won’t be able to achieve the goal fully but could probably do less, seems to give the spurt of energy to try to at least try. Although I am competitive, and would very much like to always come top of the class! I remember when being taught to swim, when he asked us to put our heads under for just 2-3 seconds I could not do it, but when he moved on to something like 7-8 seconds, I thought, can’t possibly do that, so I might as well give a smaller amount a go.

A goal I have just added is ‘raise a ridiculous amount of sum for money’. Can’t see myself doing that! So, I might as well at least raise some, rather than none.

Any psychologist who can explain this strange reaction, philosophy, mindset, please let me know why this works for me!