stop wasting my life

I have wasted so many years… and the worst thing about it is that i don’t know how to start… to change everything

Im 17 man, i think that all the fun in my life has gone and passed me by now, for years i was surrounded by friends, had lots of ppl, best friend lived up the street, I always had something to. Then those friends got older, some just grew up and are doin stuff on their own, my best friend moved to Florida, I almost feel that there’s nothing left for me. I barely have any friends, im shy, my grades suck, and Ive lost any happiness that I ever had. I think my friend moving is wat got me, its like Ive moved into isolation, I dont like being around ppl in groups, im so quiet, shy, I dont like being like this. Ive got low self esteem, I just feel so empty, Ima fat kid and lazy so that’ll never go away. Wheres the time gone you know. I just miss my friends so much. Stayin the night at their houses, having fun, laughing, noone im friends with now can make that feel the same, its just changed so much. I spend my time alone playin guitar or well watching, “movies” all the time on the computer, trying to fufill fantasies and relationships I cant have. I never ask for help, thats one of my main problems, I dont like to be a burden to ppl. I Found it weird that ppl changed, neighborhoods changed, faces changed, everything changed. I know im young but there was so much back just a couple years ago and now its all gone. I got no idea on wat to do in a career, im a guitar player but i cant even muster up the courage to play in front of anyone. not goin to college, idk guess I can be a hermit. I Just wish all the good things I had werent gone, cause im never gonna get them back.

I think I waste the majority of my life playing Sims, and I think that the reason that I play that game so much, because u have control over every little thing to the weather to the people, have much money you want and to have it is all simple , and that is probably why i am so addicted to it, but today is the day that i let myself be stronger than the sims games

I only feel alive when I’m high.

For years now, I’ve been painfully shy. I’m too afraid to speak my mind, present ideas at work, or make friends. Since I was a kid, it’s been this way so I eventually learned not to think at all. Why have goals and ideas if you’re never going to do anything with them?
I’ve drifted through life, graduated from college with average grades and no career plans. I have a mindless, meaningless job that doesn’t even require a GED and I can’t seem to muster up the courage to apply for something that would be interesting or worthwhile. I’m getting married next week to an ambitious man who will drag me all over the country and I’ll never have the chance to make friends or put down roots anywhere.
I’m 24 and “looking foward” to 60 years of the same unless I can change this awful pattern I’ve gotten into. I exist, nothing more. This self-pitying little rant disgusts even me, I know how it sounds, but I just don’t see any way out.
Some people have real problems, I realize, but sometimes, nothing is worse than an empty hell of your own making.
And damn it, I really overuse commas!

My life is a pathetic collection of started projects, lost dreams and stalled relationships. I’m going to fail my masters this year and then I will have nothing.

life….......when is it going to end?? i have a masters and am currently enrolled in PhD last quarter but didn’t register for any classes. registered for 2 this quarter, dropped one already, haven’t been to the other class in 3 weeks. watch anime all day, i even have a girl who likes me, but someone i cant get myself to commit because i don’t know what i am doing in life. or what i am to do with my life. its getting so frustrating i just needed to let some of it out, so i came here! i am a reasonable student, with good grades but it took me four year to complete my masters, mainly because i am lazy and the laziness has taken over me completely now. i cant bring myself to go to bed at a decent hr or wake up at a sane time and go to school. i used to run experiments and do stuff hoping to bring a change, at least in my life but as i saw that ray of hope disappearing i lost all that kept me going and now i simply cant STOP WASTING MY LIFE.

Sometimes we try to be “good”. Good friend, good daughter, good employee… etc. It’s impossible to be good for everyone. I want to say that’s not easy to understand what do you really need to do and what the others want you to do. Just be yourself and your life will get sense.

• Surround yourself with successful people in your field for inspiration or as a benchmark for yourself. Figure out what they did/what they know that makes them successful and emulate.
• Read as much as you can, as often as you can. A book can be like learning a new skill, or something to add to your resume.
• Don’t be afraid to take a shitty job if it leads to a better one. It’s something to add to the resume and everyone has to start out somewhere.
• Set long-term goals for yourself. People are always concerned about the short-term and forget about the long-term. For example, people take “high-paying” jobs straight out of high school instead of going to college. What these people don’t realize is that an even higher paying job is waiting for them behind a college degree.

I was told in May 2002, that I was being laid off the end of July. I was thrilled. July came and went and they changed it for the end of August. This too came and went. Finally, they let me go December 31, 2002. I went all of 2003 and 2004 without a job. Initially, I wasn’t even looking. I had about $12k in the bank. Owned my own home and car. I collected unemployment for 10 months. Half assed looked for a job in 2004 with no luck. I had spent all my savings and wracked up about $22k in credit card debt.

Finally, out of the blue I got a call from a former employer for a 1 year contract at $30/hr. I was surprised because I had had a shitty attitude when I resigned with this company after 5 years. This was about 5.5 years ago at the time. Anyway, I took the job and busted my ass the first couple months. I sold my house and made $25k in equity, to which I used to pay off my credit card debt. I had moved back home with my dad. But slowly I became lazy and my productivity slipped. Well, they were monitoring me. Long story short, I was shitcanned in August ‘05. I collected unemployment yet again. It’s mid June ‘06 and I am finally going back to work. This time for $8.50/hr at a shitty customer/tech support sweatshop.

I dunno why I let my career go to shit. I just don’t care about anything anymore.