find myself

what does this even really mean? to me it is being able to accept myself without hesitation and following a path i make for myself.

i am heading to a new place soon because i want to start a new chapter in my life. this will be the third time i’ve done this. i am not sure of what i hope to accomplish really. i guess i have found some peace and learned new things each time that i’ve done this. but what i really want to find is a sense of peace and security within me that does not connect to others.

“Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are.”
- Bernado Houssay, Nobel Laureate in Medicine

My worst fear is that when I find myself I will have found out that there is nothing special about me at all.

I realized that I never really knew who I was. Every since I was a kid I was always trying to find ways to fit in, someone to copy off of just to get others to like me. Looking back now I realized that I never put myself first and that I really don’t know what makes me happy, or who I want to become.
So, I’m going to start the long process of just listening to myself and letting go of the past. I want to become more confident in who I am and to stop being so hard on myself. Once I’ve reached the point of being secure with who I am, can I finally start living.

I have finally decided after reading and reading and never really achieving, that I am going to get some help.
I have the money, the time and am working on the courage

I’ve stopped watching T.V. for the most part and ordered some literature on Adult ADHD to better understand my symptoms and how to cope with them. I’m doing more work around the house since I’ve gotten more time away from the telly.

Also I’m investigating on what I need to know before enrolling into college, again (finantially anyways). This time I’m going to follow my passions-english, and film studies-instead of listening to ppl around me telling me what to do, and what’s best for me (only I know what’s best for me, and what I would enjoy doing).

Tootles!

-Mike

I want to figure out who I am.

A thought just ran through my mind right now, and it was that one cannot just place one’s self in a list of characterizations and be that forever. Why? well, because as one ages one chages who he or she is, our perception of who we are, what we like and don’t like change over time (sometimes), we never stay stagnant as to what makes us who we are. We evolve according to our environment and our age so who you are at this very momment may not be who you will become a year maybe ten or twenty years from now. WOW!

Just though I would share that. Well yes, I want to find myself, I want to ok with who I am, and why I am the way I am. Not looking back and regretting things because they take time away from what I could be doing.

I have issues at times with people b/c when someone doesn’t like what I like or makes fun of it, I feel as though maybe I need to change myself. That maybe I’m wrong, and they’re right. But then I realize that I shouldn’t listen to them since they are and like the things that they like for various different reasons that I may not have experienced, and that I’m right in having my own likes and dislikes and not care for approval of others.

Everyone has an opinion, not everyone can be right, so just do your thing and be ok with it.

It’s late, I’m trying to stop watching t.v. as well. Sorry if I’m making a mess of my entry, lol!

Why do I doubt myself?

I know exactly what I do and don’t like; and what takes my interest and what doesn’t…

Of course, when you’re with friends etc. there’s always give and take, she likes this, you like that, and the both/all of you make it work. No one pushes their ideas or opinions on anyone…

BUT, for some bizarre reason whenever somebody’s really enthusiastic about something that I normally wouldn’t be ‘that’ into, I get a feeling that will not go away, even when we’ve all gone home say, and I’m on my own….

This feeling is basically me questioning whether the things that I like are of value, and if those things are pointless and not as interesting as the other person… (I don’t actually talk to myself or think anything; it’s just an awful feeling that translates to the above description).

When I ‘find’ myself, this will not happen any longer. That will be so good!!!

I want to reach a point in my life where i will be confident in my self, i’ll know myself and understand why i act the way i do when i do. I will no longer question myself negatively or judgementally rather it will be positively and only for the purpose of improving myself.

I have been away from this site and this goal. Here I am to remind myself of some things. To take a deep breath. To be strong. To not waiver in who I am. I have to spend time everyday with my own truths. It is easy to get wrapped up in circumstances and other people. I am ready to be in a relationship now but I have to careful and deliberate about my thinking. I have to find a balance between knowing who I am and being able to give myself to someone else without losing site of me. Oh that I would find someone who not only accpeted who I am but adored me for it all the more. This is the person I long for.