Get a PhD

Today I got the instrument working again. It’s been many months that I’ve been busy with this, every time digging down to a deeper level in the electronics to find what’s wrong, going three steps forward and two back. I have the feeling that I’m on solid ground now, having identified one of the last worrisome problems today. (Who would have thought a lose little bolt could have such an influence?)

I am now where I was in April or sometime.

I was afraid that taking those quickie summer classes would make 16 weeks seem interminable. I was right. I’m over this semester. It’s actually been a pretty easy term – work wise. I should spend more time studying stats, but it’s like reading Polish. His lectures and notes help me more than anything. I did not do well on the last test; I haven’t looked at my mistakes yet. I need to schedule my final exam.

Preparing applications for PhD programs…

I’d like to be a university lecturer in language education or alternatively work for the Department of Education designing curriculum for language teaching and setting exam papers etc, and a phd seems to be a necessary step for both of these goals

Well, it is the dream to inquire about knowledge and commit to a life of meaning. However, right now, I still have to earn the money to suppot family. I guess I will go back to graduate school when my kids are old enough for college…

I like the structure and predictability and security of academic life – and it also bores the shit out of me and I find myself hating all my nerdy, cowardly “colleagues”. I wish there was something equivalent to working in advertising, but that more intellectually demanding, rigorous and purposeful.

I’m beginning to wonder if I have ADD – I am a voracious reader – but I get incredibly impatient with the pace of things and the “red tap” and the social morons and the pompous asses. I want to be around smart, creative people. Part of the appeal of academia is the community. But I am really starting to hate these people. They aren’t interesting, and they are totally full of themselves or some kind of lame “political” savvy – that wouldn’t hold water for two seconds in a different kind of competitive environment. I think I just like the idea of being “Doctor” and having a career path.

The fact is, I always loved school, except when things got boring – and I was always smart enough to do well. I don’t think I’ve been really bored until working with my current advisor, and it is living bloody hell. I just can’t stand him, his mind, his pathetic character, his spineless – or the fact that I have to pander to all of the above. I just hate the guy.

And now I’m around all these people I would never have had anything to do with under any other circumstance, and I know it has quite a lot to do with my discipline – which attracts some real lame-ass twits. I’m guessing the level of pretense in my department is nothing at all what it’s like in Philosophy, or even the English Department. There are a lot of intellectual light-weights walking around that have nothing interesting to add to the conversation.

So that’s my kvetching, and I don’t know if I feel any better after unburdening. The fact is, I need to be honest with myself, and make some good choices here. I doubt this would be one of them.

Getting ready for the second stats test. I feel confident. Gotta keep going.

I finished my Master’s degree in 2000. I loved my thesis topic and enjoyed the program..well enjoy may not be the correct word. It was a year full of self-exploration and personal achievements, and at times I felt like the stupidist person in the world! Anyone who has truly thrown themselves into a philosophical/intellectual pursuit will surely understand. Since that time, I have routinely pondered the idea of a Phd. It wouldn’t be to increase my earning potential, or to become a professor, but in the end, to allow me to continue to learn and grow as a person.

For the first step, I am going to look into programs in my city and see what is available…

Made an A on my first statistics test. It wasn’t too hard, but I believe things are about to get tougher. My brain is beginning to hurt after each class. The other class is okay. I’m excited for it to be over. 5 classes in 6 months ain’t bad!

2009-2010: running experiments of lateralized attention.
2009-2010: writing up prelim data for publication.
2010 summer: full analysis of gathered data
2010 fall: writing up dissertation.
2011 spring …!