We win some, we lose some… On most days, I look back at my life with mixed feelings… I’m not proud of some things tht I’ve done, but i know tht I’m a good person and my husband, parents and some friends do love me genuinely… But sometimes it’s more difficult to forgive yourself than it is to forgive another person. And I want a complete, spontaneous and carefree life where I can be completely myself without any reservations or holding back. I’ll keep making entries here till I reach a point where I finally feel like our life is complete.
How to compare myself to no one, but who I was yesterday
How I did it: I'm a bit scared to say that this is done, but all signs to it being so. This controlled me for the longest time. I had advice from someone on this site when I first signed up and for the life of me I can't remember....sorry!!!...but it was life changing. In regards to this goal, they suggested focusing on myself, developing a strong sense of self, and really developing what I love - once you do that, they suggested, you realise how unique you are, and so you can't possibly compare yourself to others....and I believe its true.
I have really focused on finding the real me again. I have tried so hard to be someone I'm not, dress differently, think differently and that messed with my head. Because it didn't feel right, I couldn't possibly pull it off, so I spent so much time looking at others, seeing what they are doing, how I compare to them - it was exhausting. But now I don't do that anymore. I know all the ways that I am unique and that's really cool.
I have also been having counselling and that has helped. I started to compare myself to my husband's exes yesterday. I started thinking something along the lines of I am so fat and they were all so skinny....blah blah blah and then I stopped the thought immediately. It is rude for me to assume I know what my husband thinks or thought, and I actually have no real idea of what the exes were really truly like - all of their good features and their bad. So stopping the negative thought before it snow balled worked really well for me.
This will be a life time struggle for me. I just need to keep on top of it, keep working on myself, doing things I love, being myself and all should be good.
People doing this are also doing these things:
Entries
I was very drunk.
I am contemplating stopping this, as it is quite inelegant, but at the same time, I am a university student…
JadedForever just is.
I am stepping outside of my comfort zone!
I find myself speaking up more, not just when I have to but because I choose to!
It feels really good to practice, even though it doesn’t come naturally to me!
I am so proud of myself!
Endrina - crap rarely falls from clear skies
I know I have a long way to go on this one, and that I have yet to really start working on it. I think I grew up in a somewhat special family, making me both a little different but also vulnerable to the outside world. I still remember being about 9 years old when I heard “friends” bad mouth and critisize each other – something I, in my naive little world, had never experienced before. Growing up in a tiny village, where there are few other people of one’s age, I was rather vulnerable to what was being said round and about me. I took their versions to be the right versions, becoming overly critical of myself and my own opinions.
I know now that they were wrong to constantly critisize and gossip about each other. I should have stood up for myself and others, rather than letting their words get to me, defining me. I have felt the pain – feeling their words as real as fists – and held on to that pain. My bruised little ego needs a boost, and I have to take responsibility for making that happen. I have tended to romatisize the pas, I have been stuck in the past, and I have neglected today for the past. I need to let go, forgive, and work with what can be changed.
JadedForever just is.
Trying to become more social & out-going!
It takes lots of practice!
But I am improving!
I contacted an old friend online.
We chatted online.
We went out today to catch up, it was a lot of fun!
Yay for progress!
JadedForever just is.
still disorganized…
I am looking for something that I was going to use next week.
And I can’t find it anywhere.
I know that I will find it just as soon as I don’t need it anymore.
JadedForever just is.
HAPPY!
That I had a really great day today!
Finally, after a really lousy week.
cucumber_melon8 is trying to learn espanol :)
It’s easy to do if I don’t go out in public, since there are no beautiful girls to compare myself to.
JadedForever just is.
I am annoyed…
People at work can be so annoying sometimes.
What do you do when people at work talk to you, & they get you all stressed out because all they do is complain?
And when they aren’t complaining they are just being overly friendly & fake.
Hopefully I can just say Hi & leave it at that!
Today was not a good day…
JadedForever just is.
I am feeling frazzled…
After a really weird day at work, I am all out of sorts.
I hope to be feeling back to normal soon!
I can hope, can’t I?








