Compare myself to no one, but who I was yesterday

We win some, we lose some… On most days, I look back at my life with mixed feelings… I’m not proud of some things tht I’ve done, but i know tht I’m a good person and my husband, parents and some friends do love me genuinely… But sometimes it’s more difficult to forgive yourself than it is to forgive another person. And I want a complete, spontaneous and carefree life where I can be completely myself without any reservations or holding back. I’ll keep making entries here till I reach a point where I finally feel like our life is complete.

I was very drunk.
I am contemplating stopping this, as it is quite inelegant, but at the same time, I am a university student…

I am stepping outside of my comfort zone!

I find myself speaking up more, not just when I have to but because I choose to!

It feels really good to practice, even though it doesn’t come naturally to me!

I am so proud of myself!

I know I have a long way to go on this one, and that I have yet to really start working on it. I think I grew up in a somewhat special family, making me both a little different but also vulnerable to the outside world. I still remember being about 9 years old when I heard “friends” bad mouth and critisize each other – something I, in my naive little world, had never experienced before. Growing up in a tiny village, where there are few other people of one’s age, I was rather vulnerable to what was being said round and about me. I took their versions to be the right versions, becoming overly critical of myself and my own opinions.
I know now that they were wrong to constantly critisize and gossip about each other. I should have stood up for myself and others, rather than letting their words get to me, defining me. I have felt the pain – feeling their words as real as fists – and held on to that pain. My bruised little ego needs a boost, and I have to take responsibility for making that happen. I have tended to romatisize the pas, I have been stuck in the past, and I have neglected today for the past. I need to let go, forgive, and work with what can be changed.

Trying to become more social & out-going!
It takes lots of practice!

But I am improving!

I contacted an old friend online.
We chatted online.
We went out today to catch up, it was a lot of fun!

Yay for progress!

still disorganized…

I am looking for something that I was going to use next week.
And I can’t find it anywhere.

I know that I will find it just as soon as I don’t need it anymore.

HAPPY!

That I had a really great day today!

Finally, after a really lousy week.

It’s easy to do if I don’t go out in public, since there are no beautiful girls to compare myself to.

I am annoyed…

People at work can be so annoying sometimes.

What do you do when people at work talk to you, & they get you all stressed out because all they do is complain?

And when they aren’t complaining they are just being overly friendly & fake.

Hopefully I can just say Hi & leave it at that!

Today was not a good day…

I am feeling frazzled…

After a really weird day at work, I am all out of sorts.

I hope to be feeling back to normal soon!
I can hope, can’t I?