remember that it is all temporary

my 87 year old grandmother fell and hit her head. She didn’t realize she had done it until she looked in the mirror and saw a huge black eye on Thursday morning. She called my mother who doesn’t drive so my mom called me and the 3 of us spent the entire day in the emergency room. My step-dad was fishing and happily oblivious to the traumas until late in the afternoon. When he found out he rushed right over.

Seems my grandmother hit something so hard she shattered the bones around her eye socket. It is a miracle she can still see. And broke her cheek bone (which hopefully will heal on it’s own).

After hours of testing and an MRI the doctors said she is remarkably healthy for her age.

They let her go home but we had to wake her every 3 hours to make sure she didn’t have a concussion or a slow bleed. I offered to take that watch so my mom could relax some. They had to take her to the eye doctor the next day.

Luckily, everything turned out ok this time but it was a reminder we never know what the day will bring!

by a bolt of reality yesterday I woke up today with new resolve to be more focused and actually accomplish my goals that are not directed by me but by my relationship with my higher power.

My son called me to tell me his A/C went out at his house today. The money he saved to come up will have to go for a new unit.

That is saaaad news! Both for him and me. I hate being a grown up and have to take disappointment well.

This past weekend was a time of really looking at my life both good and not so good. The problems I have have pretty much been my choices…that is hard to say because I’d love to say it was the government, the robber barons, the moon, my karma…it was all caused by forces outside of my control.

Truth is some of our problems are outside of our control but even our health problems(could I have made better dietary choices, exercise more, etc), money problems(did I really need 20 pairs of shoes?), employment problems (who is the captain of my ship?) have something to do with the choices I make.

So if I stop before I make a choice and think it through things may change radically very quickly.

Wow! I was a good mom when I taught my sons they are responsible for their actions. Time I remembered that for my own life.

most die alone, however it is the dash in our years on the tombstone that means the most. Yes life is a dash.

Have you ever been to a track meet? I loved them as a teenager! I wasn’t an athlete but it was wonderful to see individuals doing their personal best yet competeing with others.

Sometimes we are in the pack, sometimes way ahead, sometimes behind, most of the time it is just the right time for us. I think we forget it isn’t what others do but doing our personal best is what counts.

I am at my breaking point today… I have been hanging on by my fingernails just praying everyday for a good change in my life.

Today I got my 1st signed contract for a business inventory (price was not a factor) and my youngest son said he is bringing his family up to see me the middle of July…that was a total surprise!

These 2 events in 1 day saved my life more than anyone will ever know. :)

so much of my children’s lives it is making me very sad today. Holidays do that to me…seeing all the families together…knowing mine is together in Texas.

Part of my original life plan that has not worked well was to be the fun eccentric grandmama…not the invisible one.
I could have died when I had the pulmonary emboli and have the same relationship with my grandbabies that I actually have with them.

Phone calls and pictures are not the same as adventures and hugs. I have to do something about this. It is becoming an obsession with me.

has kept me paralyzed to make any progress on my projects. It seems I have been mourning all that I have lost for far too many years.

They were childhood dreams that I had accomplished…some are eternal like my family…some were material like my home, cars and career…some are very important to keep like my values, health, love of family and friends…but mostly it’s hard to comprehend that all we have is now.

Don’t know why this is important to write today. Maybe the mourning is finally over.

I can’t get out of my mind that are glaringly temporary are my SO and my dog. My SO’s doc says his stents could give him 10 years, tops, and he’s not a good candidate for another bypass. And my dog is old and just hanging in there with me. I know my SO would like to pick up and move, probably to Tacoma, WA. I don’t want to leave my daughter and granbeanie but it isn’t all about me, either.

to look at a business opportunity here. I told her the worst that could happen is I didn’t make any money but the main reason I am doing it is to surround myself with positive, upbeat people who want a better future. The companionship and training will be beneficial for anything I do here in the wilderness.

She softened and said she would call someone who was involved in this business to see what she was doing. I thanked her and emphatically told her that wouldn’t make a difference on my decision at all. I need a new perspective and social group of people here.

She was definitely amazed I stood my ground. I’m liking the new (old) me more each day.