We met at a wedding. Actually, if you want the honest truth, I believe that we met somehwere in a past life. It’s really the only way I can think of to explain the sense of familiarity that comes with being near him. But our first enocunter in this life, was at the wedding of a mutual friend. We have so many of the same friends that everyone assumed we knew each other and no one introduced us. When he sat down across from me, I felt a moment of recognition…a “there you are” kind of feeling. We spent the night talking, flirting, although not too much, because we had both come with other people. When I got home, I realized that the thought of never seeing him again was too much to bear. And the emails began. Then the phone calls. Now several months later, I’m positive that this is the man I’m meant to marry. We have at least one year before we can move to be together. I’m finishing school; he’s got responsibilities with work and family. So we wait. We have tossed around the idea of getting married on next Halloween. So, in theory, in a year and a half, I could be his Wife. The thought of it makes me feel like I’m just going to come apart at the seams. Both with excitement and longing. It’s such a great feeling to finally have found him and know he’s there for me. But it’s so painful not to be able to touch him, kiss him or even give him a simple hug. Soon enough. We just have to take what we can get. A few days here and there. A few fleeting moments together before we both have to go back our lives. Waiting, longing for the day when we get to start OUR life together.
How to survive a long distance relationship
How I did it: The relationship involved one hour telephone calls, video conferencing, all forms of communication and genuinely a lot of trust on both of our parts. We also saw each other once a month, usually for a weekend.
During downtime, we would send and receive texts. I also kept my social life intact, went out with friends frequently (moreso than I would've if he lived closer to me), and developed new hobbies.
I also had a friend who had experience with long distance relationships whom I eventually deemed my confidante and "sponsor" throughout the entire relationship. He was my "go-to" person everytime I would have a meltdown.
In the end, it wasn't the distance that ended our relationship. It was more or less conflict of personalities, and generally I was emotionally not able to sustain a relationship of that kind at the time.
Lessons & tips:
- Security is a big thing. A long distance relationship (LDR) won't survive if you are not emotionally secure--- meaning that if you are very needy, very clingy, and generally need a lot of attention, you will go into this relationship discovering yourself to be exponentially needy, clingy, and insecure.
- Ask yourself why you really want to continue the relationship. Having a sound reason helps a lot, especially when times get tough. You can remind yourself of this reason
- While I hate to bring up money, make sure you can invest in seeing each other once a month, or at least once every other month. Sign up to receive emails for promotional flights from airlines, or find a way to see if they have a point reward system for discounts on future flights (maybe even free flights!)
- Invest in webcams and set up specific times to video chat
- Enlist in friends who are encouraging and will help talk you through tough times and meltdowns--- avoid people who entertain the idea of you cheating or your S.O. cheating on you
- Take the time to develop your relationship with yourself. Afterall, you have the freedom and time to invest in yourself... might as well take advantage of it.
- When you actually have scheduled visits, talk to each other about what you expect. Sometimes when you expect something big and romantic and it doesn't turn out that way, you'll find yourself disappointed and doubting the relationship
- In the event that it doesn't work out (heaven forbid), let yourself realize that the experience was worth all of the knowledge you learned
Resources:
- Alaska Airlines frequent flyer points
- Southwest Airlines discount promotions/fun fares
- Logitech Webcams
- "Living Alone & Loving it: A Guide to Relishing the Solo Life" by Barbara Feldon
People doing this:
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Bay Village
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Leeds
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