NOT see or contact him in any way/any form for 60 days

I just reread my last entry, which was written over a year and a half ago. It’s amazing how 500 days can make a difference.

The big news is I’m engaged. The bigger news is that I’m engaged to someone else.

A lot of stuff went down after we both moved. I became serious with the nice guy I mentioned in my last entry and we are planning a January 2011 wedding. I’m really happy and in love. I can’t wait to start our life together.

My ex? He’s dating someone and plans to break up with her this fall to attend business school in Chicago. I guess some things never change. We’re friendly from time to time. I found out some stuff about him that made me completely fall out of love with him.

I don’t love him anymore. I don’t miss him anymore. I don’t hate him anymore. I don’t really feel anything for him, which is a little uncomfortable at times but ultimately for the best.

Just thought I’d update my readers on this – whoever still checks this thing. I’m doing well. He and I are better off without each other.

That’s not to say I’ll forget him. He was a part of my life, a very LONG part of my life, and the love I felt for him will never be forgotten or dismissed. But the feelings I had are like words in a book. Once the pages are turned, the words belong in the past.

I wish all the rest of you going through this the best. I know how hard it is but believe me – there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

its hard when despite EVERY logical, practical, wise thing you know about a situation, a piece of you always thinks that there will always be that special thing between the two of us 8-)...ive kinda tried this before and ive failed miserably everytime because of excuses…this time i will be strict on myself and there will be no contact whatsover for SIXTY days… the last time we spoke was on april 6th so that will be the end of that…

i almost had a relapse today when my friend was talking about him but i told her i dont want to hear about that stuff… i really do hope time heals all wounds…

60 days has worked for me really well in the past… but I have a new quandary. I’ve worked with him platonically for many years. About 8 months ago I started to fall for him. He’s very married. We have a great relationship at work but have recently started to communicate on days off… not about work; just chit-chat. We don’t really flirt – just talk. We obviously like each other, a lot, but never “go there.” I think about him ALL the time and can’t wait to see him at work. I’m crushed when I see he has left for the day without saying goodbye. It’s gotten incredibly distracting and I know it can’t go anywhere. How do I stop falling for him when I see him five says a week and we work so closely together? He is on my mind far too often and I can’t seem to stop wishing with everything I have that we could be together. But there is no avoiding him for 6 days let alone 60…

I dreamed of him last night. Gosh I can’t wait until I’m passed this stage. I feel so alone and it’s getting difficult to talk to friends regarding how I feel. It’s like no one truly knows my pain. I lost a FAKE friend. This was someone I talked to every day. Every morning he would call to wake me up. We would talk when he got off from work. I miss what was (in my head).

You can’t dwell on something that never was. POWERFUL statement!!!

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

I think I realized today that he never cared for me and I was the glue holding this fake relationship together. At first when I would replay our conversations it was mostly good times that I would repeat and lately the bad times from last weeks final goodbye. However I noticed that the signs were always there however I choose to ignore them in my selfish attempt to have what I wanted.

One of my girlfriends explained that I have an obsessive personality. When I want something or just think something should go a certain way then I’m relentless. I believe in something that is not there. And the funny thing about her comment is years ago I copied this motivational quote from a book I read which stated “We can want something so bad that we make believe we have it when we don’t” I thought I had a relationship however upon reflection we never had a relationship. So I got pregnant because I wanted to be pregnant. And maybe I thought it would draw us closer. Before anyone critizes me, I know I’m not the only female who has attempted this tactic. Just think about the marriages that are breaking up and the baby is used to keep him (either by the wife or husband).

But don’t misunderstand me, I did love him and I did want to spend the rest of my life with him. However it wasn’t to be because he never felt the same for me. And that’s okay. Naw, that’s a lie it’s not okay. He never should have lied to me about loving me then I wouldn’t be here in this situation mourning the miscarriage that I suffered.

In the end, I want him to suffer just like I am. Unfortunately, I will not be there to witness his suffering. I hate that I let myself get carried away just because I want to be in a relationship. Just because I want to love and be loved. Crazy I know however these are my feelings.

Not see or contact him in any way/any form for 60 days. My goal is much longer than that however I believe we will all suffer from wanting to dial (even if it’s just to hang up). However I know the sound of his voice will interrupt my journy to complete this goal and to move forward and not look back at my mistake.

Well, I had a lot to say because I wanted to get this stuff off my chest.

Thanks for reading. This is a good way for me to express myself and not leave all of my frustrations trapped in my body.

I couldnt sleep last nite imagining him with someone else even tho i have someone to txt and date if im up for it. I just want him to suffer and be lonely for a while and to come running back. Well im defo doing my 60days anyway cuz contacting him does not work. I hope he misses me.

For all sad words of tongue and pen,
the saddest are these,
‘It might have been.’

I can’t wait until I have moved passed this depression.

Well i met up with the guy and as iv told u all before, i go out with the local crowd so my ex does too which is a balls. I wasnt trying to make him jealous and i was hoping hed go somewhere else. But he didnt! there was no drama. he just texted me today and said “Glad to see you have met someone nice, i hope it works out for you”. what do ye think of that? My friends said he wudnt of texted if he didnt care?????

So I started again! im on day six! and im not really missing him YET, I kept myself busy all week…he does bug me that he hasnt contacted me either but that is my goal that hel come running back one day haha When i do contact him i only bring up things that annoy him and make us fight and then make me cry and miserable so the last week i felt great and free. Im texting someone new that i met out once and hopefully wel be meeting up for a drink. So at least im trying to move on…its better than last week…I went see hes just not that into you and Iv read the book! READ IT!