change things

but I may want to bring this back at a later date and I’m not sure if I can resurrect it once I’ve marked it as “done” any more!

A couple of big leaps at the boundaries of my imagination – promoting the album (which could have easily have languished on my shelf for lack of self-confidence despite having been lovingly written and produced!) and signing up at the gym – these two things have really changed my outlook and my view of myself, which makes me think that other changes are possible. I feel a bit more confident and life seems to be a bit more black-and-white, cause-and-effect than it was before, so that’s enough for now.

If there’s one thing I really wish I could change, it would be to have life be simpler, to spend most of my time focusing on the few big things that matter and waste less time being caught up in all the little annoying details. It’s taken a week off of doing nothing in particular to even realise exactly what’s been bothering me, and I think that’s it. I know I take a lot on, I know I’m capable of doing a lot, but in the midst of it I seem to get tangled up in this whole mess of froth that comes off the top of doing them all at once, and that saps my energy for the things I was trying to do in the first place.

I’ve come some way today in trying to formulate what simplicity in my life feels like and consists of. I think I have to be more accepting that if my weekdays are pretty much completely taken up with [Gym – Work – time with B] then that’s fine, that’s where life is at at the moment and those things are all I really need and the first two are the means by which I will get what I want in the end. That’s the first thing.

The second thing is to have routines for things that have to be done, so they don’t build up to levels that are stressful. Cleaning is a case in point – exactly how much less stressed do I feel for having a regular cleaning schedule that slots in with my normal life?! And this is the same for things like the gym and shopping and to a certain extent keeping in touch with people. I think I’m pretty much on top of this part.

Then the final part of simplicity is to be able to prioritise, to know exactly what to do with any free time that I do have. That should be easy enough to keep tabs on if I make a point to update the Progress Journal at the weekend and take notes of actions for the week ahead – if they don’t all get done, it doesn’t matter provided I’m still being healthy and earning money and investing in my relationship. These are the things I am most motivated to make time for anyway so it should be easy to get on with them once time is available but the key is knowing what is next up on the list.

Overall I just need to chill, and realise that my life is not complicated in essence – it’s just me who makes it so, and at any time I can choose to go back to basics and nothing will fall apart, no disaster will occur if I let go of the little things.

things are really changing! I am really proud of myself and also extremely nervous – working hard to accept and incorporate positive changes as quickly as I can and remember that this is all still me. Things are going to be a lot lot better really really soon!

I want to change the way my life is.I wan’t to become a happy person.I want to change something while i’m here.I want life to be fun!

I don’t want to care so much about thing and not do anything about anything. I want to change something while I’m here. I want things to get better. I want to somehow make a difference to the world.