learn to forgive

I would like to learn how to forgive my “father”.
All my life… wasted.
I have done nothing for nearly 18 years but grow, do school, draw, and most of all take care of my mother. shes so sick, and all I’ve ever known was taking care of her.

Because of my “fathers” abuse, and not taking the lead like he was supposed to – my mother did all the work. when I was 8 or so, which is as far back as I can recall, I’ve been helping her.
and now shes so sick… once shes gone, there wont be anyone who needs me anymore.

Sure, I have brothers and a sister, but gl getting close to one of my brothers, but sister is moving far away and my other brother is…
I don’t know.
I need someone or something to need me.
it’s all I’ve ever known… and thanks to that thing in my house, I’ve been forced to live a blank life.

I love helping people, but it makes me feel so empty sometimes…
why?
I don’t know how to live without her… it’s all I know.
How can I forgive my “father” for something like this?

It’s just tearing me apart inside…
and it’s sickening.

I have been done wrong on soooo many levels that it has just taken a tole on me. I know the Godly thing is to forgive, but sometimes it is soooooo hard, especially when you didnt do the wrong. Everytime I have gotten myself up and tried again it is worse. I totally lost my way this past 2 months. but I dont want to give people that control over my life.

I tend to forgive people pretty easily…depending on what was done. However I have a problem with the forgetting part. I just think if you tryly forget then you’ll probably be put in the same situation again and again….so I’m working on that now, basically trying to not hold grudges after I have forgiven someone. sigh it’s harder that you think!

that anger has had a bigger hold on me than I ever thought! I have had some things come to mind, that I didn’t know were there…they were way back in my mind! Long forgotten, or brushed off…or so I thought! How can I still feel angry about them all these years later?! My subconscious must think I am ready to deal with this anger, for the memories and feelings to surface! God wants me to work on these issues that obviously are holding me back! And He will help!

I was taking a walk this evening, and I realized that I am angry at a lot more people in my life than I thought I was! I have a lot of resentments! And that anger and resentment has been eating away at me! For years! It has been an eye-opener for me! Maybe because I am not denying it any more, but I feel ready to work on this forgiveness thing! And, in church, the sermons have been on forgiveness, and the pastor said that it is “supernatural”! So, I know that God can and wants to help me with this…it is beyond my power! Alone, anyway!

I have tried to forgive…sometimes I think I have, and then certain things surface up again. I know forgiving is good for mental, physical, and spiritual health…and I want to…but…I guess I don’t know how!

I recently read an excerpt about a man who treated his ex wife horribly. After years he went back and apologized to her and explained to her why he did the things he did. He had some great reasons and understanding of why he did those awful things.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to get an apology like that from the person I need to forgive. I used to think if I just got an apology it would make things better but I realized a long time ago that will never happen. When I really tried to imagine how I would feel getting an apology like that I realized it wouldnt even matter.

No matter how great of an explanation there is those things still happened and they were still hurtful and nothing will change that. It actually helped me get closer to forgiving because I realized I have two choices. I can either hold on to that hurt or let it go. It’s all up to me. The only thing holding on is doing is hurting me more. So, the best option seems to be let go and move past it. I think I’m almost there. It is far in the past and I don’t think about it much anymore.

I’m just kind of scared that I will say I have forgiven and I’m over it and then in the future have issues arise and realize I’m not over it. But, I guess that’s OK. And…..have you really forgiven someone if you want nothing to ever do with them again? I think if I saw this person out at a restaurant or a store I would just want to ignore them and pretend I don’t know them or see them. Is that truly forgiveness???

I also read an article about how the stories of our victimization become part of our identity. I think that is definitely true for me. I’m trying to change that. I will still speak of what happened to me if it comes up as an interesting anecdote in conversation. But, I’m trying really hard to quit telling this story as part of my identity when people ask certain questions about my life or how I ended up where I am today.

It sounds pretty easy, but trust me once you start having a memory it can haunt you. Best to edit out the unpleasant episodes of your life / encounters. Any ideas – most welcome

I had always considered myself such a forgiving person, but I really wasn’t. I would say I forgave, and I would act like it, but inside I was dying. I realize now I haven’t been able to forgive anyone in my life or myself. I need to learn this skill or I will never be able to move on with my life. I have hit a brick wall where I am going to either die or learn forgiveness for myself and others. If anyone has any advice, please share.

i dont know if its because im a scorpio or its just in my personality, but ive never been able to forgive people who have truly hurt me. I hold grudges forever. it sucks that i have so much anger in me but im starting to try and forgive people for there mistakes and there pasts. cross your fingers for me!
xoxo Tori