and re-read all the posts tonight, that I had wrote about you, in the last three almost years….I had to, because, this morning, I read your email, and had no idea how to respond.There’s no talk anymore between us, about December…..no mention, of my birthday, or a Christmas celebration.or a meeting, in January,nor Feb, nor anytime soon..you said my email sounded like I have factored you out of my life…have you given me another option? Did you threw me one shred of a lifeline? Oddly, I didn’t expect you too…..I know, honestly, unless its business, tallied up and paid for, by someone else, your not going to see me..you told me once you dont read my post here anymore, because, it’s like reading my diary..maybe you don’t come here and read what I write, because your afraid of the truth
How to fight my depression
How I did it: In Mid 2003 , My depression had a total 'hold' over me.
I had atypical depression.
The key symptoms of atypical depression include:
- Overeating
- Oversleeping
- Fatigue
- Extreme sensitivity to rejection
- Moods that worsen or improve in direct response to events
This had went for WHOLE 3 Years. The the space of 3 Years I hadn't stepped outside the house, Not even to put the rubbish out. I'd eat lie on the couch , Cry for no reason at all, stay in bed all day or NOT even eat at all!
It was a awful experience.
But Because I was a Woman of God, and Believed in him, I did my Prayers a lot which I do believe has helped me vastly in getting out of depression.
In 2006 - I was looking out of the window and saw a bunch of girls (Roughly in my age group, and laughing and cheering each other - Leading a normal life). I went back to my room to have a lie down, Whilst lieing down, I realised that WHY SHOULD I LIVE IN DEPRESSION, I got dressed in my outdated clothes and asked my parents and sisters to come out shopping, they were delighted, and legged it out of the house before having thoughts that I-CANT-DO IT.
I got some new clothes, and some library Books on self help. I realised that some depressive conditions are associated with the way we thing.
I was offered anti - depressants but refused to take them in 2003 - 2006 instead I did a variety of things that helped me relieve depression symptoms. See lessons and tips section.
Lessons & tips: MEDITATION - I used to pray to God, in a meditation way.
MASSAGE helps too
RELAXATION it helps you connect with your inner self and realise how you got into this, and what triggered/triggers your depression.
MUSIC THERAPY- Recommend this, I used to hear Happy postive tunes and still apply this to my daily routine.
LAUGHTER & POSTIVITY - I used to smile and laugh even though I never felt it inside, eventually it became a habit and began to feel it inside too.
DIET / NUTRITION / FOOD/ HEALTH
- I remember whilst having depression I never actually completed a full RDD meal, and now realised it affected my mind, health, how I feel etc. Always take 2000 calories for women and 2500 for men (as average ofcourse).
- Eat plenty of Sources of beta-carotene: apricots, broccoli, cantaloupe, carrots, collards, peaches, pumpkin, spinach, sweet potato AND Sources of vitamin C: blueberries, broccoli, grapefruit, kiwi, oranges, peppers, potatoes, strawberries, tomato AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST Sources of vitamin E: margarine, nuts and seeds, vegetable oils, wheat germ.
- Eat Carbs for calming effect such as whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and legumes, which all contribute healthy carbs as well as fiber. , AND protein foods to boost alertness Good sources of protein foods that boost alertness: beans and peas, lean beef, low-fat cheese, fish, milk, poultry, soy products, yogurt.
and FINALLY
EXERCISE
Regular exercise has been proven to help:
- Reduce stress
- Ward off anxiety and feelings of depression
- Boost self-esteem
- Improve sleep
Exercise also has these added health benefits:
- It strengthens your heart.
- It increases energy levels.
- It lowers blood pressure.
- It improves muscle tone and strength.
- It strengthens and builds bones.
- It helps reduce body fat.
- It makes you look fit and healthy
This was my Fool - proof plan to beat depression without anti depressants prescibed by my gym instructor, doctor & dietician and some of my own research and experience
People doing this are also doing these things:
Entries
a mess tonight..I was tired..I spent most of the work week facing 18 hours Overtime…...14 of which I accomplished in two days…..I hosted company, cooked Thanksgiving Dinner, kissed boo-boo’s, and attempted to mend broken hearts…....I was exhausted…so, with hair up, little makeup….I ran into the local pizza place for a quick fix for dinner…behind the counter was the prettiest little girl, she was 4..we talked of Santa….she told me she was NOT such a very good girl..that Santa might not bring her any gifts..I told her Santa, makes excuses for pretty little girls..I doubt she’d get coal…as I left, I heard someone say..she’s not the only one that is pretty….and I looked simply because I heard a voice…He extended his hand and said Hi my name is Rich…your pretty too..I am not sure if Rich, knows, how he made a stunned, stammered, woman feel tonight.and although I could not accept his sweet offer..He sure made this tired woman feel like a million bucks! And I told him so!
by giving away..almost all of my cheers! I have one left..who’s going to be the lucky winner?
In my job, you can do one of two things, you can work from the office or if you have been there long enough, and your a good employee, you can eventually work strictly from home
My boss, suggested, that I do just that..Oh how I wrestled with the thought of never going into the office..I accepted, after careful consideration, weighing, what is best for myself vs what is best for my children, obviously, it is much better for the kids, if I work from home.I can put them on the bus to school, meet them afterwards, not worry about who will watch them, when I am in the office, but I wondered how this would affect my depression..PJ’s literally if I wanted to everyday, zero adult contact.so, I set up some safety nets for myself…...wrote them down, I will wake up every morning as if I am going to the office, occasionally, I will get up early enough, to treat myself to a Starbucks, I will keep my at home office, quiet and Zen friendly..I will focus on what is best for the children, which is a mom, that is not only present, but healthy, mentally
this as the most unreachable goal..I try constantly to remind myself that depression, and that battle, is within one’s self..
That I get bitter, when I hear, the closest people that I love, tell me how good things our in their life..and I wonder, if I loved them..Isn’t that what I want for them…even if we can’t share that moment together, should I not be happy for them even if I am not? And I am finding this the most difficult aspect? And I hate that I feel that way..that I resent someone that I love, because they have an easier walk through life than I do..
I wont wish my life on anyone….so why can’t I just be happy that the ones I love, do not have the burdens I do?
this isn’t getting to me lately, but….it is.
Normally, I love the start of fall…and now fall, just is a welcome mat for winter…long, cold, winter….
I think I would do much better, if I could retrain myself to live in the moment…...not days, weeks, years ahead of myself…just simply this second…....
would rear it’s ugly head again…but this time I was a little more prepared. When we went shopping, at the Strip District, the streets were full of people selling flowers…the one table had huge arrangements, each containing 5 Easter flowers, for only two bucks! Most still had buds, and had not bloomed yet…so I bought them, transplanted them, and will eventually plant them in the yard, to watch them grow again next year….
So, when I was feeling, rather indifferent about life this morning….
I looked at those lovely flowers…and somehow, I felt much better
I find this very hard to do….And I realize, that I set myself up for it at times….
always, searching, for approval….why, cannot I not just be, happy, with my own approval of myself? 46 and still searching, still making mistakes…and the only thing that I really like about me, right now, was the ability to add..stop thinking skinny is something to be proud of…..simply, because, thats, the only thing, I am proud of..even though, I know, it’s wrong..I should be able, to face myself everyday..and think, your an amazing person, and you have so many people that love you..instead, I face myself everyday, and think…no one would love you, if your weren’t skinny
depression demon, head on Monday. “I can’t do this anymore on my own”, I told my docotor….”I need some help” (breath, sigh of releif, there I said it)
I had been on antidepressants years ago, and thankfully, I recognized the patterns that were returning in my life that led me in that direction in the first place. I knew also, that I was doing as much for myself as possible, writing in my journal and listing 5 things I am gratiful first…before adding other entries..
dressing better to feel better, but this time, I knew I needed more help…I was edgy for no reason,...and the sure sign, sleep, wanting not the sleep, but the comfort sleep brings, mindless forgetfulness about my life, sleeping was better than living life….
I am feeling a slight improvement, and I knew the result should improve the longer I take it..I have done some things this weekend that I normally don’t feel like doing, like build a snowman, finished an art project….
I am taking one step at a time…I am fighting the battle, but I have not won the war…
