Get over it

I thought I was over it. I was even going out with an other person. So, I don’t understand why watching his facebook photos with his new girlfriend hurts so much. ( I finally removed him of my friends list; I don’t want to continue watching his displays of affection)
I’m mad at myself for feeling like this. I wish I could truly say ” I’m happy for him.” But there’s pain and sorrow inside me and I can’t deny it. I feel really sad.

its been a hard year so far…i’ve lost a few friends and made some new enemies and had my heart broken several times by the same person, wondering if i will ever learn from my mistakes and leave it alone, i know its something i have to do for my own happiness and wellbeing, its not easy but i know im stronger than the way i have been behaving lately…with a little time and a little faith in myself i know ill get through it but for now i guess its best to take baby steps and eventually i will have come so far and wont even have realised. so i no longer need to write about the past, but about the future because thats where im going.

This year, I had my first relationship with this guy I’d liked for a really long time. It was perfect. I was happy all the time. I could not have been in a better place. And then he decided it just “wasn’t a good time.” A few weeks later, he’s dating one of my friends. That hurt more than the breakup itself. They’ve already been going out for longer than he and I did, but it still bothers me. I don’t want it to bother me, because it’s holding me back and ruining a lot of things for me. I just want to get over it and move on!

was to realize what my heart truly wants. I don’t want to be begging for love. I want to be with someone who is also in a spiritual journey. I want a real, total love.

How many times am i going to allow myself be hurt? to be lied to? Be cheated on? The fact that i have allowed it to happen so many times in the past just shows how little i must think of myself, to be stuck in this situation where we have broken up and got back together so many times and each time it seems to hurt just as much as the first time everytime i make a little progress ill go back.

I know that i will learn alot from this one day and it will make me stronger. Something has to be done i cant carry on doing this to myself.

I decided to ask for professional help. I went to see a nice psychologist and she gave me an assignment: to write him a letter. I thought it was going to be easy, but it wasn’t. After several attempts I realized that my feelings for him were full of contradictions. Today I went to a beautiful park. I sat on a bench, and I was able to contemplate the flowers, the trees dancing with the wind. Finally I could write to him, I gave vent to my feelings, and I felt much lighter when I finished.It is a 3-page letter, and my heart beats in every single line. I can’t wait to show it to my therapist.

We had the most beautiful day today. We can really make it if he gets his mind right, but for now I have to focus on me. Go out into the world, a new part of it, and survive on my own. I want nothing more than that right now. Us, if there will be one, can come later. It all depends on what I find when I come back. It may be in six months, it may be in a year. If I find it to be the trip of a life time it could even be two years- it would have to be pretty amazing for that to happen though. I am ready to be brave and step out into the world now. This goal is an ongoing one which marks a long journey which I have to experience rather than make happen. I just have to get into the cart seat and go for the ride.

I really screwed myself over this time…why did i let myself get so lost in a fantasy and lose all reality on the situation and be so blind to what was really going on.

It hurts so much i really dont know what to do with myslef.

I dont think i can pick myself up this time

Now it seems emotionally I have distanced myself from the situation but to be free of it I want my divorce settled. I just want to know that the things I have won’t be taken.

Who gives a flying f*ck about the bitch?
Not me anymore…