explore my infinite nature

Way opens. Can I let go? Can I follow? Can I let myself know that I do not have to have “my way”? Can I let go of my ego to take the opened path before me?

I can this time!

I have close friends who are geekier, but I am your garden variety computer geek. It kind of sneaked up on me.

Steve brought this to my notice a couple of days ago, because I am having such a hard time giving notice at work… and other issues. I do really hate to disappoint people.

I need to realize that you can’t please everyone, and disappointment is bound to happen from time to time. It cannot always be avoided.

The dog, the Steve, and I did a little camping/hiking/hot-springs trip this past weekend. We camped in a cabin… which is different from tent camping in that… you stay dry and warm, your food stays dry, your socks don’t get wet, and if they do, there are dry ones in the cabin. You can have a fire and a cook out, but you get to sleep in a nice dry clean bed. So it was really wonderful… all of the things I like about camping and none of the things I don’t like. Plus we were across the road from hotspring tubs, and took a soak before hitting the road home. To add icing to an already well frosted cake, we managed to have a camping weekend without the usual row! Priceless.

spending the entire morning (and part of the afternoon) in my pajamas!

I gotta write. I need to respect this about myself, and make room for writing in my life. No excuses. I am not an administrative assistant deep inside. I am a writer.

Even though I will never be an urban shopping legend, I am pretty good at shopping. I started buying all birthday presents (except for books) from the Hunger Site. So far I have been able to find there all manner of items that perfectly fit the personalities of those I am shopping for… plus the money goes to great causes, and it is surprisingly inexpensive.

Part of my infinite nature is my ability to shop. Please don’t hate me.

Try not to hate me.

Just wanted to share that your old lynnorajean is a scappy little survivor! I deserve the two ‘v’s in survivor. Last weekend my sweetheart and I went camping in the wilds (ha ha) of Ohiopyle State Park in the unchartered territory (not really) of Pennsylvania. There wasn’t much to have to survive actually. The park was packed with campers. Every site had two or more people in it. We were lucky to have a hike-in site… about 100 yards from where we parked… but still, not wilderness. Not actually roughing it.

Then what did I survive? I survived myself… if that makes any sense. Sometimes I still live in the saran wrap of difficult-to-reach land. I still feel judged by everyone… especially those closest to me. I still fear disappointing them by not being ENOUGH… not doing ENOUGH and not doing it PERFECTLY. And even when there is no disappointment… I create in my mind and convince myself that it is there.

Out there camping it came back to me in a huge way. I closed off and felt that feeling of wanting to disappear… and you just can’t disappear when you are camping… it just isn’t good etiquitte. I wanted to wrap myself in layers of transparent armature, procure myself an ectoskeleton… but it was really too hot for that. I just had to stop and face it. Face the phony-ness of ENOUGH and PERFECT. Camping is neither one of those things. No room for it. It is what it is. A journey. An experience. Unprogrammed. Rain comes and goes. A butterfly on an unidentified blossom. Far off train whistle going away and away. Free icecream and cake. Dog in a backpack. Love that cracks opened the heart. I am learning to fall in love with the unexpected.

I can dismantle the tent all by myself. I can put away all the stakes and poles in their pouches, I can fold it up and roll it up and make it small enough to fit back into its zippered bag, fit in the stakes, poles, and still have room. This city girl can do it… so can ya’ll.

Also, I can be by myself and not be bored! Thank goodness for my infinite nature.