accept life on life's terms

I was doing pretty well with this for a while… until 2 weeks ago after my boyfriend broke up with me, for no concrete reason. “It’s just not what I want.”

What a lesson of acceptance… I’m grateful (now) that it happened because it really made me look at myself and my spiritual condition. I need to keep God in charge. If I start to think I know what’s best for me or that I know what God’s plan is… I’m totally screwed. It’s a relief today that I can let go and let God do the planning for me, as difficult as it can be.

Okay.. so here’s what I am having trouble accepting: I’m not a natural runner. I suck at it. I’m having to push myself so friggin hard just to run for 90 straight seconds.

Soon enough, I might be doing it with ease.

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
I must accept myself… good and bad.

... apparently god loves us all. i’m not too sure about that. they say that we were all created by him.
i have to accept that i was made how i was made for a reason, and that who i am is who i am for a reason.

“how can the clay tell the potter what it wants to be?”

... is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation, then deciding what you’re going to do about it”
_{My sponsor.}

life on life’s terms means right now that I owe the IRS about 300 dollars from 2004, I accept the fact i’ve been raped by an ex-boyfriend, abused by a father, and ignored by a mother.
I have to accept that I don’t know what’s best for me.
what my addiction thinks is best for me is eating m&ms, watching the comedy channel, drinking coffee all day long, instead of working out and making a healthy salad.
my addiction thinks that taking vicodin at the slightest hint of a discomforting or hopeless feeling is a good idea.
my addiction thinks that kissing or doing a guy would magically turn me straight.

i have to accept that everything is happening right now for a reason, and that everything will get better if i just stay sober, and do the next right thing.

Me.

sucks. That’s why it’s called work.
I’m exhausted, stinky, and just want to crawl in bed.

life is interesting, always changing. there are good days (yesterday) and there are bad days… (most days)

Today was ok, then bad, now worse.
Really. All i want is to go to sleep after a hot bubble bath.

But the REALITY (which is part of accepting life, I guess) is that I have to still do pilates (because I need exercise, and to lose weight) and that I have to eat, and go to an AA meeting.

but I have to accept it, because life happens for a reason. And I know that if I get through these shitty day, the next time I have a shitty day, I’ll be stronger and will thusly be able to deal better.