let today be the day

I discovered (through stalking) that the girl in Colorado no longer has a facebook.

I chatted Tanner online and he told me to go with Travis when he goes to visit, because “that party was lots of fun”.

I watched countless hours of mindless TV.

I felt extremely grateful for my current living situation.

I saw a Zig Ziglar quote on the side of this screen. :)

I realized I have no idea where the laundry key is… I will never have clean clothes again.

I spent the entire day being blocked by Luba on AIM. We did not speak at all.

like I lived the day I wanted to
that I am living the life I intended.

I am so happy like, almost all the time these days. The nearest to down I do is tired.

that this goal is not just about doing as much as possible with each day; but really living in the moment, really being there, not letting my feelings about that moment be influenced by how I might feel about it later.

I have had a lot of practice at this the past few weeks, living out moments, days, experiences, sensations which I knew would be limited in number and time – learning to really experience the sheer joy of those moments rather than wasting them thinking “I will be sad when this is gone”. I am way less sad because I really really lived the happiness. In their place come other moments, other experiences, all good in their own way. There is no holding on to time; but the best way I found to hold on to sensations and the meaning of events is to really be present.

I really feel like I’m getting to grips with this.

Travis told me he was gay.

I finished moving my stuff into my new apartment.

I finally built up the courage and called Luba.

Laura and I ate Baja Fresh nachos.

I cried when Luba didn’t answer her phone.

I took the last of my things from my old apartment. That room is no longer mine.

I committed to babysitting on Friday..

...after Christmas

I went swimming with Ali and Laura at Michelle’s hotel.

We then frollicked in the park under the stars.

My mom fixed our wireless internet.

And, even though I had been wanting it all month.. I kind of miss the old family computer.

I realized I’m actually moving in a week, whether I find someone to move into my old apartment or not.

I stayed up way later than I should even though I’m really tired.

I spent over an hour at the Beanery doing homework.

I had a great next term schedule and then ruined it.

I ate pasta at my dad’s house.

I listened to Wendy Clear by Blink 182 for the first time since probably middle school and felt as though it provided me with some sort of clarity on my terrible boy situation.

I compared my life to TV.

I napped on the couch.

I decided two weeks just isn’t enough time to study for finals. (I know, who am I..?)

“near-perfect” day today. In that I almost did all the things I was supposed to do.
I will probably spend the whole of the rest of the week trying to live up to it, but hey it would be boring if all the days were the same (trust me, the things I’m supposed to do are not all that interesting!) – but it is nice to have one day in the week go to plan, especially after last week’s little falling-flat-fiasco.

Next challenge is to live a day to the full without planning how to...

Nathan and I got coffee and chatted for an hour instead of doing homework.
❤%
I studied O-Chem for more hours than I would like to count.
❤%
I confided in my friend (not Luba!) my plans to go to India.
❤%
I ate junk food absolutely all day.
❤%
I felt motivated almost all day long…
❤%
Even though I almost fell asleep in Biology.
❤%
My printer ran out of ink. :(
❤%
I felt okay about living in my apartment for nearly the first time since I moved in.
❤%
I cleaned the toilet.

I got a Safeway sandwich by myself.

I wrote the majority of my Biology paper, and was very determined to finish after putting it off for so long.

I saw Zach at the library and didn’t try to escape his gaze for the first time.

I saw Zach at the library and it wasn’t awkward for the first time.

I ate some peach yogurt and really enjoyed it.

I walked through the rain without flinching.

Luba and I looked up a picture of an uncircumcised penis, because neither one of us knew what they look like.

Luba, Maya and I ate at the new campus eatery and paid money for it.

Nathan and I made noodles and watched Six Feet Under.

I rode my bike home in the dark and didn’t get hit by a car or raped.

I sat by a cute boy with a lip ring in o-chem.

I vowed to stop facebook stalking. And then promptly failed.

I ate half a pbj on a bagel for breakfast.

I got exhausted before nine o’ clock.