Learn to live without anxiety

I got a book called living well with anxiety from the library, and it’s actually pretty decent. it talks alot about taking a holistic approach, which I think is really cool. It says becoming vegetarian can actually be a big help, which I didn’t know, but it’s cool because I was planning on going all the way vegetarian next month when I start college anyway.

I went to the doctor for a physical and the doctor and my mom ganged up on me and told me I need to be on medication. The doctor prescribed me Zoloft (I thought that was just for depression, but apparently it’s for anxiety also).
I’m not going to take it. I understand it’s a chemical imbalance, etc. etc. but I really really don’t want to lose my personality.

????

So, I’m in AP Psych right now, and we’re learning about Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I know everyone has the tendency to diagnose themselves, but I fit the symptoms perfectly. I asked my Dad about it, who’s a doctor, and my sister, who’s a psych major, and they were both like, Sarah, we’ve always known you have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, how could you not have it?

So, as it turns out, I really do have a disorder, I’m not just a “worry wart”. I actually feel a lot better now that I know it’s not that I just can’t handle what other people can. It’s not that I’m inferior, I’m just different.

I’m not planning on going on medication, but I would like to get therapy if I can get an official diagnosis, which shouldn’t be hard to do.

I know everyone worries to some extent, but I feel like I take it to an abnormal level. Every tiny little thing bothers me and makes me anxious. I find ways to work around it, but should I even have to? Big things worry me- my family’s financial situation, my job, paying for college, relationships- but so do small things. Any time I have to turn left on a road without a left turn arrow, it’s a really big ordeal. I feel like the people behind me are angry at me for not going sooner, or I just can’t figure out when to go. Parking is a big deal for me as well. If I can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do at a new intersection, I completely panic. And that’s just driving. If there’s something I haven’t done, even if I know I will get it done soon, it will drive me crazy until it’s complete. There’s a girl who sits next to me in class who has these long, grimy finger nails. They just make me shudder and truly, truly bother me. I have to stare at the little shaved hairs on the neck of the kid who sits in front of me to calm down. I mean, I don’t even know if that’s anxiety, or just being extremely strange. I rethink and analyze anything I say to someone who isn’t one of my four best friends, and wonder if it will somehow have bad reprecussions. I actually twitch when I get particularly anxious, and even pass out from panic attacks.

I’m aware all of this makes me sound like a nervous wreck, and to some extent I am. But it’s not the kind of thing that is always noticeable. I take on a huge amount of responsiblity and by most teachers and parents would be considered a role model. I’m president of or active in a million clubs and volunteer organizations. I babysit my little brothers and sisters all the time, as well as keeping a steady job. I take three AP classes, and get straight A’s. I’m into a good college with a good scholarship. I have a good life for the most part. But I can’t help but feel that I’m not nearly as happy as I could be without this constant anxiety.