be more reliable

like this list.. i have a problem with starting things and not fulfilling my initial intentions. I want to finish the things i start!!!!

I’ve recently started actually treating my mild anemia with Iron and stuff, and it’s greatly improved my energy level, which has definitely led to an improved level of organization, and from there improved reliability.

Or it could just be that I’m whupping myself into shape as I feel the impending school year and dread being unprepared for what is to come…but whatever, I am feeling more clear-headed and motivated, so however it’s happening, I do believe that my record is getting better - though it still could use a lot of work!!

but then my life kind of fell apart – I lost one job, and the next disintegrated, all while I was pregnant with and nursing my youngest and most difficult child. My husband was less than supportive through this whole thing, and so in addition to feeling worthless, I also was angry at him a lot of the time.

After the second job, I think I retreated into child-time for a while, just living at my baby’s pace and not much caring about real scheduling, which was pretty sensible because she didn’t actually have any sort of meaningful schedule, and trying to impose one would not have done anything but make me angry and frustrated.

But now, she’s 3, and starting a 5-day-a-week program in the fall, and I will need discipline to make sure she has all she needs and I have all I need for the day ahead on the night before. We’ll need to wake up at an early hour to make a somewhat difficult communte, and I will also have to be prepared for my afternoon job well ahead, which has never been a strength for me.

But most important is that I will have to find a way to get back to steady and reliable instead of my current ‘bailing twine and chewing gum’ method of organization and survival. I’m giving myself a little notice that, come August, there’s going to be some changes made around here to help us all function at a much higher level than we are just now, and from here to August, I’m going to try to give myself a little pampering and break so I get get to it refreshed and ready to go.

I feel I am increasingly reliable, but still nobody’s perfect. But I am doing my best.

I stopped giving myself excuses when I tried to back out of doing something I didn’t want to do. I’ve been just more responsible and not waiting to procrastinate on what is required of me.

Be more reliable to those who are reliable for me and to myself. Stop putting so much effort into those who don’t reciprocate. Sick of it.

I am not very reliable in the form of always being late. I am late for everything. I was late for my own wedding. I want to be more reliable/be on time more. I hate showing up late because people think I’m late on purpose or I’m just being rude or something. I’m not trying to be rude. I have always been late for everything. I don’t know why. I don’t want to be.

No one wants to admit that they aren’t 100% reliable, but I decided that the first step in my self-improvement goal is to be totally honest about my shortcomings. So, here it is: I have not always been a reliable person. In the past, I have had a difficult time following through on things, particularly when the project or goal or whatever was only monitored by me. Maybe I need to add a self-discipline goal? I was also thinking that reliability is really strongly connected to honesty and there for me, there is no higher personal aspiration than pure honesty. Anyway, I wrote an affirmation: “I am 100% reliable and true to my word. I always do what I say I will do. I am completely honest with myself and others.”

A strange want because I am the type of person who does exactly what I say I’m going to do consistently. However, I’ve found that there are a couple of “folks” I subconsciously take for granted and perhaps need to work on being more committed and reliable.