love myself for who i am

Theres nothing I like about myself x_x

-Im ugly
-Im stupid
-I have no talent
-I do a lot of stupid things
-I’m nerdy
-I have no body
-I can’t do anything right

Besides the fact I’m ugly, which I hear from more people other than myself, and that I’m dumb.. Which people say a lot too.. x_x.. I mess up on EVERYTHING. Everything I love, I’m terrible at or people are better than me at it =\..

Okay, put it this way: I hate myself D:

I love my friends, I love my family, and everything around me. Just not myself x_x.

how just saying “you can do it” helps me a lot. I have a habit of being negative and I’m trying to change that. I say things like, “It’s going to work out fine.” “It’s going to be okay” “You are talented”

etc.

It helps so much. I used to ignore this piece of advice, but now that I’m realizing how much it helps, I’m kinda mad at myself for not doing this sooner.

haha
CM

Haha I always think of things I can improve on…and it sucks. I know in the past two years I’ve really improved a lot, in all domains, but I still wanna do more. I don’t think I’ll ever be perfectly content until I make it perfect. This goes for my appearance, grades, tennis, relationships, etc. I’ve been getting better at not looking at the details so much, but I’m an idealist at heart.

I give myself a year to achieve this goal. Just a lil more improving and I’ll be happy…which is what I said a year ago, but shhh

I’m too idealistic. I want things to go a certain way and I don’t like it if things don’t go the way I think they should. This is an Epiphany. I’ve been trying to figure out why I always hold myself back. I always think things should go this way or that way and when they don’t I get upset. I just quit.

Like drawing. If I don’t meet my high standards I stop and get angry at myself. This is why I haven’t been able to do a lot of things. I have a path set up before I can even begin. The second something goes wrong I quit right away.

I can’t believe it took me this long to figure that out. Art probably is the only thing I haven’t quit. Sometimes though I won’t open my sketchbooks for months because I’m so mad at myself.

This is brilliant!

CM

Because who I am is so boring/ugly/useless/stupid.
Do I cherish my ugliness, rejoice in my stupidity?
I suppose I’m unique in the fact that noone is as useless as I.
Is it even worth trying to accept my awfulness?

I left a message for a job since I just got a call back and I thought I sounded so stupid. I paused and I was nervous because I really want this job.

I’m so hard on myself. I just wanted to sound cool and upbeat. I said I wanted the job, etc. But when I get nervous I ramble so much.

It’s upsetting and I was so embarrassed.

Ugh. But I make mistakes…I can’t be so hard on myself anymore. I should just laugh about it.

CM

thinking how horrible I looked haha. And how big my nose looks. I started hating my nose when I was in like 6th grade I think…but I never ever thought about it before.

I still am mad at myself for ever thinking about it in the first place. I wish I could just ignore it and think I’m beautiful, but it’s just so annoying seeing girls with perfect noses and perfect profiles.

I feel like my side profile looks so bad. Trust me, I know I’m crazy, but I think (most of the time) the front of my face is fine, but the side I look like a witch.

I can’t even believe I wrote that out because it sounds so ridiculous. I need to get over it, but it’s so hard to think of myself as pretty.

I hardly ever wear makeup besides eyeliner. Sometimes a bit of eyeshadow and blush but that’s it.

I’m not against makeup at all but it makes me break out.

Ugh whatever this is an awful topic.

But I have to talk about my insecurities and recognize that I have them so I can get over them, right?

CM

I never feel pretty or beautiful inside and out, but just trying is making me feel like I do. I’m actually giving myself a chance to love myself instead of giving up and falling back into hating myself.

So I’m going to make another list of good things about myself:

1. I grew my hair out really long like I’ve always wanted to do.
2. I took the dogs for a walk this morning.
3. I sold one of my illustrated cards on Etsy. :]
4. I made a logo for a small business :D
5. I am improving myself.
6. I am going to get contacts and make myself look better not to please anyone else, but just to make me feel girly and pretty for once.
7. I am going to get my braces off soon! I can’t wait for that.
8. I am going to college…and I really can’t wait to go! I’m so excited.
9. I am going to get that work study job in the library and I am going to turn in my application today!
10. I am going to learn Japanese.

Even just saying my accomplishments (and goals) made my day a lot better! Reading it over a few times is good too!

CM

- My eyes.
- My skin.
- I am in shape.
- I am beautiful inside and out.
- I am a great artist and graphic designer.
- I am a very honest and sincere person.
- I am talented with watercolors.
- I look good in a bikini.
- I accept my ivory (I refuse to call it pale anymore) skin and that I cannot tan no matter what.
- I am a good writer.
- I have a lot of passion for what I do.

I rarely think I’m pretty. Just saying that annoys the hell out of me because it sounds so stupid and cliche. I don’t want anybody to think that it is. It’s just the plain ‘ol truth.

I did have a dream last night that I was looking in the mirror and I looked very pretty. I was glowing and stuff.

I can’t wait until I get contacts (which I hope will be soon).

CM