improve my relationship with my dad

so my dad is back from his tour of duty on the submarine. he called and we chatted, but even after three months, we had nothing to say. he even forgot i was in new york city for the summer! i tried and i told him i missed him and that i was glad to have him home, but he didn’t really respond. i guess this goal would be a lot easier if he wanted to improve his relationship with me, too, but i think he’s just fine with our small talk and pleasantries. boo.

my parents have been divorced since i was six, which is pretty unremarkable these days. however, it was a very ugly and secretive divorce, and i was too young at the time to understand the complexity of it. since they separated, my father has been fairly removed from my life. i see him maybe three or four times a year, and usually only because we’re obligated to do so (holidays, birthdays, etc.). he knows very little about me and my two siblings, which i suppose we are both to blame for (me for not telling him, him for not asking). he is a nice man, but not very affectionate. and he’s definitely very conservative, which makes me think he wouldn’t be able to understand my life and the choices i make (not that i’m running around setting buildings on fire or streaking, but you know).

i know i’m not going to be “daddy’s little girl”, but i would one day like to have a real conversation with my father, and tell him “this is who i am, this is who i love, this is what i want to be” or even “i know that you had an affair.” i’d like to talk to him about something besides the weathers or the seattle mariners. i’d like him to be there when i graduate college, walk me down the aisle when i get married, and hear him say “i love you and i’m proud of you.” god knows it won’t happen overnight, but i’m willing to put in the time and energy to develop something real with him and let him know i love him, too.