be more selfish

I needed to learn to put my needs first at times and also learn to make myself and my needs as important as others’.

My focus has changed now. That lesson has been learned, and now I want to continue on my journey having a healthy consideration for my own needs, which I have learned, but living with respect and love and giving for others.

Because of this exercise, I learned better balance.

as selfish does, and it’s not a lot of fun. Really, it truly is “better to give than to recieve”.

I’m getting there but still way behind. Might need some help.

It seems that I am always going against what I want to do in order to accomodate others. I will rearrange my schedule, not do the things I want to do, not get things done I need to get done all because I don’t want to make anyone angry or hurt anyone’s feelings. What can I say? I’m “too nice.” Doing this is really starting to eat at my own happiness. Today, I’ve decided that I am going to try to say, “No” when I want to say no, and stop moving my schedule around to fit what other people want. This will not be easy for me as I’ve become quite the pushover, lately. In addition to being too nice, I am always a bit too empathetic toward other people’s feelings—and I neglect myself in the process of being understanding toward others. I want to be nice, yet assertive about my needs without having to justify myself. The only problem is . . . once you’ve let others push you around long enough, I’ve noticed they tend to get a little upset when you’re no longer accomodating. I want to meet my own needs without feeling guilty about it.

I’ve been really protective of my time, energy, boundaries, and emotions. I saw somewhere that we have to “aggressively defend” our boundaries. This is not very well recieved, especially when you’re surrounded by in-laws, and a spouse who wants everyone “at peace”. What he doesn’t get is, I’m not choosing necessarily to be rude, I’m just selective about who I give my time, energy, and attention to. I pay my own bills, and turn my own keys. Why would I want to go to someone else’s house and be at odds with them? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of!

I’ve made my ringtone “Just Fine” by Mary J. Blige. I intend to be. I’ve decided to make the adjustments necessary to make sure that I am happy. I won’t say that my marriage is inconsequential; it’s in disrepair right now, and I don’t know how to fix it. The difference between me now and me about a year ago is that I know that I cannot single-handedly repair this one. I can only be the best me that I can be and put him in God’s hands. I can also stand firm on my standards of what is and is not acceptable, and (try) not to compromise on what I feel is important. The flipside of this is, I don’t want him bending unnaturally backwards out of fear of losing me; because then it won’t last. I’d rather find some sort of balance between me and him that will create the harmony that is meant to be in a marriage. How that is going to happen, I’m not sure. I don’t even want to try to figure it out. I want to focus on fixing what’s broken within myself.

Yesterday morning, on the way out, I asked my hubby to cook dinner. He was like, okay, but why, My response: just “because”. He did cook dinner (which was good, too!), while I sat with a glass of wine and “wound down” from my day, which was especially long, (whereas he got off at 1:30 due to rain). I went to bed early, and he was out with the dogs, the last I remember. I feel incredibly rested this morning, too!

now my life is easier, even if i feel a little emptier now =( anyway, my life is better now!! i cant live constantly struggling for others’ feelings

my life is easier now, but i feel a little bit.. emptier :( by the way, i’m happier now

With a little help from someone it was quite nice to work on this one. would like to do it again next week.