be more open with people

I realize this goal isn’t very specific. But maybe I could make the ultimate goal to talk to 3 people other than my mom when I’m sad and say why. Tell them about my depression, but I don’t know if I want to go so far as to say “I’m depressed/ on meds.”

I’ve been helping out a lot in my school’s library—before school and at lunch. I check in and out books, so I have to be friendly. I’ve hardly even noticed it, but I’ve been much more talkative since I started working there. The more talkative I am, the more things I talk about, so the more open I am. This is working out great!
Now, if only I can be more open with my ‘crush’...

It sounds easy, but it isn’t. I have no idea why I find it hard to share thngs with people, maybe I think they won’t want to hear it. My fiance is always telling me he feels like he doen’t know the whole me, and thats after 4 years! I really have to do this one, I so want to share everything between us. It’s not even that I have major secrets or embarrassing secrets, because I don’t!

I think my lack of friends has to do with this wall, this preliminary defense system I’ve put up, because I fear being hurt. This lack of letting people in has so much to do with my unhappiness I think. I’ve haven’t got one true friend in the world and the one I thought I had left me to fulfill their own dreams, and being such a good friend I let them. Social interaction is something we all need. We are social creatures, we thrive and grow on human interactions.

It takes me so long to trust people and tell them what’s wrong or anything. I wanna be more open and be able to tell them what i’m feeling.

I am putting more of myself out than I probably ever have (with the exception of with my wife). It feels good! Not only am I putting myself out there, but I am seeing others do the same. I tend to keep to myself, including my thoughts…but here I tend to spit more of them out. I think the anonymity of the site helps, although I am trying to do more in my “real” life as well. Oh well, life…it’s a process!