restore politeness, refinement, tact and other old-fashioned niceties

“The great art of etiquette was invented to translate the incoherent jumble of feelings to which we are all subject into something more presentable.”

-Miss Manners

an exchange on the smoking stoop:

me: “I that trust you’re enjoying this beautiful weather…”
him: “Oh, I am…”

:)

Today I made the trip to my store to buy cake mix to make awesome easter cupcakes for my little cousins, whom I’m visiting tonight. Of course, all the stores are closed because its good friday, so I walked down to the 7/11 attached to the gas station to see if they at least had milk I could get and maybe flour so that I could make my own cake. On my way, I was walking past this couple who seemed to be trying to go into the
Walmart next to my apartment building. I pretty much passed them when the man turned around and said “happy easter! have a great day!” and kept walking to the store. Jesus did that ever suprise me! That someone would actually turn around and wish a stranger a good easter. Especially one who didn’t look so happy because it was so cold outside at 9 in the morning! I ended up going over and talking to them for quite a while, explaining that I lived down the road and that the stores were closed today because its good friday, however I was going to go check at the 7/11 and see what they had in terms of groceries there. I mentioned that if they needed any basic groceries, it was probably your best bet until tomorrow. They didn’t know where it was, so we ended up walking over together and having an awesome time talking. Unfortunately, they didnt’ have what I needed (which makes sense because cake mix doesn’t really fit in with bags of chips and push up pops…) so I started the walk home again. On my way, I saw someone who was walking to the wal*mart and so I wished them a Happy Easter, told them the stores were closed, however our 7/11 was open, so they should go have a look there.
hopefully the chain will continue! :)

A bus related thing happened today! A lady downtown had a whole bunch of packages and was coming on to the bus at the same time as me. She was asking people if the bus went to a certain neighbourhood because she was from out of town (she had a eastern European accent). Anyways, some kid pushed her and all of her packages went all over (some on the street because she was standing at the door of the bus due to regular rush hour business), so I helped her collect all of her packages and I carried some for her and told her which stop to get off at. She seemed really greatful, which kind of made me smile. I hate when people are pushy on the bus so I was glad to help :)

“Common sense and consideration should be the basis of etiquette and good manners.”
-John Quincy Adams

From the introduction to Crane’s Blue Book of Stationery:

The Essence of Etiquette

Etiquette can be defined as the body of rules of social conduct that tells us what our society considers appropriate and acceptable behavior. Adherence to these guidelines can help make our personal and professional relationships more comfortable and effective. We tend to feel more at ease when we understand what others expect of us.

The etiquette that we follow when sending a letter or invitation, like etiquette in other areas, revolves around three basic building blocks: Common sense, courtesy, and usage.

Etiquette’s foundation is common sense. On an invitation, for example, there is essential information that must be conveyed if you want your guests to show up at your event. Your guests need to know who is inviting them to what function. They also need to know the date, time, and place. A properly worded invitation contains all of that information and presents it succinctly and coherently.

Courtesy is the spirit of etiquette. Its inherent generosity makes for better and more rewarding relationships. Courtesy imposes on us an obligation to be considerate of others. While using this book, you may come across some guidelines that you feel might not work in your situation. If you followed those guidelines, you might, perhaps, offend someone you love. You may feel that your relationship with that person is more important than the wording of your invitation. When that is the case, courtesy demands that you find an alternative. Etiquette is proper only when it facilitates and strengthens relationships.

The third building block is usage. Etiquette has evolved over the years and will continue to evolve. Many of the customs that were proper fifty years ago are anachronisms now – a gentleman tipping his hat comes to mind. Likewise, many of the customs we practice today will be outdated fifty years from now.

As old customs become obsolete, new ones take their place. Reply cards, for example, were, not very long ago, considered improper, even offensive and insulting. Wedding invitations were always answered in one’s own handwriting on one’s own stationery. As our lives became busier and busier, many of us no longer had the time to sit down and handwrite a reply. Since hosts and hostesses could not risk not receiving responses, they began to send reply cards with their invitations. This made it easier for their guests to respond. The courtesy extended to their guests was a common sense approach to the problem of late and never received responses. As more and more invitations were sent with reply cards, reply cards became more and more acceptable. Today, they are sent with almost every wedding invitation.

In other words, at some point the traditional way of responding to wedding invitations was not working. Common sense suggested that a solution be developed. The solution was simple: Extend to guests the courtesy of providing them with an easy to use card with a stamped, pre-addressed envelope. This solution worked and through its usage reply cards have now become perfectly proper.

These three building blocks – common sense, courtesy, and usage – are the basis for all the guidelines that social etiquette provides.

I took a Greyhound home from Boston this morning. There was a long line to get on the bus, and most people were in a sleepy dazy not noticing anyone else kind of state. When I got to the ticket-taker/bus driver, I said hello (with a smile) and asked him how he was. It took him a moment to respond. I don’t think he gets that very often (which is a sad thing). (He was doing well) And he gave me a half smile.

His name was Charlie. Is Charlie.

Always treat your bus drivers well. =)

Easiest way to explain why I try to be chivalrious is well I’m hoping that it spreads but lets face it I’ve been at it for over 15 years and I am not blind to the fact that I get penalized for holding doors and doing “nice things”. It’s viewed with suspicion, it’s considered weak and it serves as a point of ridicule for me.

I came accross this article that points out some of the flaws in how I’ve been going about trying to be Chivalrious click here for article

I’ll admit, sometimes I hold the door open too early but I always thought that it’s the thought that counts. Well recently over heard a co worker label my offer to walk her to her car (saturday night) as “the holy walk” without realizing that I was in earshot of course.

Fair enough, I probably won’t change but I won’t hope to fix the world either :( .

Okay as a geek (I prefer nerd but hey I’ll call a spade a spade when I have to) this article is definetely hopeful to me but I take exception to one thing.
All the traits listed for the Geek are just good manners (don’t stare at her breasts and convert what she says to Blah,blah , blah , blah for instance. This kind of logic should really apply to every day women not just someone you’re dating

My thoughts exactly !
10 Rules a guy should know but doesn’t

of the wonderful Miss Manners’ for the Turn-of-the-Millenium and loving this volume. I’ve been devouring it at the same rate as when I discovered Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior a few years ago. It’s amazing.