Yesterday marked my one month anniversary of regular driving. When I started trying to conquer my fear of driving I said I was aiming for the following:
- The Ideal Goal: to be a competent, calm and confident driver.
- The Realistic Goal: to be a nervy but okay driver.
After three months of research, stress, sweat, tears, determination and practice, practice, practice, I think I’ve reached a point somewhere between the two so I’m going to call this goal complete. When I started I never thought I’d make it this far, so I am a very, very happy person right now. :D 2 days ago
When I started driving full time a few weeks ago I decided to try something new to lower my driving stress, namely background noise.
I didn’t have anything that would work on hand so I went to the library and checked out the CD “The Most Relaxing Harp Album in the World… Ever!”. I’d play it during my commute and it did actually make a difference! I wouldn’t really hear it while driving but every time I stopped (streetlights, stop-and-go traffic) it’d register and I’d sit back, unknot and destress a bit.
After my success with the music tape I decided to try something else I’d been thinking about for a while. I spend six plus hours a week in a car; over the course of 2012 that’ll probably add up to 350 hours or 14.6 days. Even ignoring the fear factor, that’s a lot of time for my brain to idle.
So, audiobooks. I went back to the library (<3) and checked out a 17 hour book.
WOW! A fraction of my attention goes to the book and most of it stays on the driving but the portion of my lizard brain that is responsible for my fear of driving is overwritten by the passive listening. It’s AWESOME!!! 2 weeks ago
Well, school started up on Monday and I’ve passed my first week of mandatory driving. I estimate my distance driven for the week is approximately 160 miles. Some of it was done in light traffic with nice weather… and some of it was done in rain, snow, rush hour, the dark, or some permutation thereof.
And I’ve survived. :) 4 weeks ago
I used to be a fairly confident driver, but since being in an accident on the highway just before Christmas, I can barely stand being a passenger in a car, let alone driving one.
I know it’s normal to feel this way after an accident but it’s getting worse as time goes on, not better. I tried to drive a few days ago and was shaking so bad that I had to go back home. Just thinking about driving on the highway makes me feel sick.
I think I’d feel better if someone was in the car with me, but since I’m far away from my family and my friends are too busy, I can’t find anyone to help me with it. So I’m going to try driving around a parking lot tomorrow and at least once a day until I can get back on the road again. 4 weeks ago
I’ve been pondering this question for a few weeks… is it wrong to fear to drive? Or is it sensible?
Sometimes it seems to be a matter of degree. When I first started driving my fear was crippling; it was damaging my life. Obviously, fearing to the point of incapacity is not good. But what about a smaller degree of fear?
When you get down to it, what is driving? You strap yourself into two tons of metal and then travel at high velocity down narrow channels with thousands of other independently controlled, high-speed hulks. It is, quite simply, dangerous.
Driving is such a commonplace experience that many people treat it casually and seem to forget that fact. A lack of fear soon leads to a lack of respect. Is this a healthy attitude for people to have? For my sister who actually likes to drive… and has recently gained the habit of texting at stoplights? Or the bicycler I saw weaving inbetween cars… at night? Or the guy on Old Dominion who didn’t like that I was going the speed limit… and so cut over the double yellow to pass?
I’m thinking the answer to my question is no. So while I hope to conquer my fear, to never let it rule me, I also hope that I never actually lose it. 1 month ago
of my major goals for 2012. this is the year im gonna conquer the fear. i am determined! 1 month ago
Since buying my car I’ve been driving at every excuse to prepare myself for when I have to start driving. Though there are still driving situations where I’m spooked, (at the dealership, with passengers, etc) I have intellectually reached a point where I am alright with the driving itself.
So my mind has reached a comfort zone but the rest of me? Not so much.
I still sweat like crazy and start knotting up after ten minutes. I spent a couple hours behind the wheel yesterday and despite painkillers, a hot shower and adequate sleep my back is still locked up and the tension headache hasn’t left.
There have been some physical improvements including my breathing, which is regular, and my pulse, which is generally stable. No more black spots. :)
I am thrilled with how far I’ve come with this goal. I didn’t actually believe it was possible.
However, I’ve still got a ways to go, so I’m going to gird my loins and hack away at this until my physiology catches up to my brain and I can avoid freaking out in every driving situation. 1 month ago
I’ve realized that this goal isn’t really important to me at this point in time. I have scarier things to conquer. This one can wait until I am graduated from college. 1 month ago
Gaaaah! Last night, I decided I would drive us home from my sister’s house. It was dark, very windy but not icy (thank God!) and I was ok if slightly jittery inside, until we got to some lovely hairpin bends on a very narrow country road. I would have been fine but other cars were passing me and there was someone behind me who was FAR too close. I clipped the kerb slightly (whoops) but kept going. I really hope I can mark this goal as complete this year. I kept apologising to my husband for clipping the kerb – no damage to the car, but the alloy is slightly dented(!!!). 1 month ago
So, I am now in the “go out and look at and test” phase of my car shopping. What does this mean?
- I’ve got to drive a car
- That is worth several thousand dollars and doesn’t belong to me
- I’ll be starting and ending my drive in a very crowded parking lot full of other cars worth several thousand dollars which don’t belong to me
- After which I’ll be heading out onto a busy boulevard… during the third rush hour
- And all of this will take place with a stranger in the car with me whose job it is to apply pressure (hello social anxiety and performance fears!)
I have appointments for two different cars tomorrow. :( 1 month ago
I said in my last post that I wished for some more nice easy driving. End result, I nearly got clipped today.
Ironically (given my decayed driving skills) it would have not been my fault in the slightest. I was in three busy parking lots today and the incident occurred when I was trying to exit the second one. I was in low gear and over to the far right and was still a few meters from the exit when this woman in an SUV came barreling in straight down the center. I had to brake rather abruptly and she still came within foot of me.
Oddly enough this actually makes me feel a bit better about driving. I reacted appropriately and stayed safe. Huh… 2 months ago
I was out on the roads again today and this was by far the calmest I have been while driving in around a decade. :D
I think what I really need is a few more sessions of low stress driving like today’s. Hopefully my confidence will build up enough that I’ll be able to handle driving under more pressure (during rush hour, night driving in the rain, etc) without freaking out. 2 months ago
After managing fairly well with my driving around running errands last week I was feeling much more confident when I got behind the wheel today. I was alright for the first few minutes. Then I had to pass a cyclist in the bike lane and nearly had a stroke.
I was incredibly tense for the rest of the drive and was very, very relieved to get out of the car. Gah. 2 months ago
I found out something interesting over the weekend. Apparently my maternal grandmother, a woman I never met, was terrified of driving. She died in her fifties having never gotten over it.
After I found this out I did some quick googling and there has been a link established between genetics and specific phobias, although scientists haven’t quite managed to hone in on what that link is yet.
I always found it a bit odd how suddenly I went from being fine driving to absolutely terrified, and for no discernible reason to boot (although realistically it probably happened over a year or two… i just wasn’t driving during that time frame). Knowing that there are probably genetic factors makes me feel a lot better. 2 months ago
I survived my drive today. A happy event given that this was my first time behind the wheel in two, three years (?) and the trip included parking in two different parking garages.
Phobia wise I’m very pleased. I managed to stay fairly calm even when I fumbled a bit (like when I knocked the windshield wipers on while traveling down a narrow, winding, busy, two lane road and couldn’t look down to figure out to get them off).
Skill wise… wow I’m rusty.
I’m going to practice some more next week and work on both of these. 2 months ago
I’ve decided that the best way to work on my phobia is the head on approach. So I’ve borrowed a relative’s car for today and am going to run errands.
I’ve got a round trip route of 9-10 miles and have to start and stop five times. I could manage with parking only three times but my worst moments tend to be actually getting started so I thought I’d force myself to do it as much as possible.
Wish me luck! 2 months ago
Norman Klein has devoted thirty-six years to finding ways of helping people to overcome their fear of driving. Between the covers of Drive Without Fear is the culmination of the knowledge and insight he has gathered after teaching thousands of student drivers ages 16 to 75.
Steering precisely and going through tight spaces is described in a unique way, as is his easy to understand method of going in reverse. How to drive safely alongside of trucks is clarified with an explanation of the truck driver’s three blind spots. Included is a step by step procedure for beginners.
I finished this book today and found it very useful. A lot of driving books focus on road rules to the exclusion of how to actually drive (heck, the driving classes I took as a teenager were like that too), whereas this book was more about how to actually accomplish things behind the wheel. A good refresher with some nice clarifying information. 2 months ago
I’m terrified of driving.
There’s no particular reason for it. I’m not the best driver but I’m passable. I’ve never been in an accident. I’m not really worried about getting in an accident. But put me behind a wheel and my adrenaline spikes, my heart pumps and I start to sweat. Sometimes I see black spots.
The end result of this is that I rely on the public transportation system. If something’s going on that’s out of practical range, well, tough. This has crippled the little social life that even an introvert like me would like to have. Still not enough to make me work at my phobia.
However I’ve reached a point where I need some serious life changes. I’m going back to school in January and the commute’s a 35 mile round trip that’s impossible by bus (especially for the night class). I need a car and I need to be able to drive. So…
The Ideal Goal: to be a competent, calm and confident driver.
The Realistic Goal: to be a nervy but okay driver. 2 months ago
I haven’t done that in ages but my friend wanted to go and buy some groceries and I had my car. I usually drive her into the edge of the city and drop her off and park down a side road. We have to walk 10 minutes to get to the shop. Instead, on a whim I played with the traffic and got there fine! I parked up easily and that was in a busy carpark. Granted there were spaces so it was fine but still… this was a big thing for me and I’m glad that I managed it.
I then refused to drive myself home until after rush hour. I guess I’m not going to conquer my fear in some miraculous click of fingers or turn of the key! Small… steps in a big picture. 3 months ago
Ben had a sneezing fit and shouted at me while I was driving because my car was ‘full of dust’ and then he said ‘Did you not clean it?’. I was in a foul mood anyway. I didn’t want to be driving so late at night. I was tired and grumpy because we should be away on holiday right now but instead we’re still in our home town because Ben is about as useful as a wet lettuce. I felt his comments and blaming me for his sneezing fit were completely unnecessary and I snapped. He has sneezing fits a lot. It’s not just normal sneezing, he falls all over the place as though he’s genuinely having a fit. I screamed at him to ‘SHUT UP’ but he carried on talking at me, saying ‘What have I done?’ ‘It’s not my fault your car is dusty,’ and ‘Now you’re blaming me for sneezing’.
I felt my blood pressure rise and whenever I feel that happening I know my driving will become more erratic. I start to feel like a volcano about to explode. My emotions and my driving are very closely linked. If I’m upset then it manifests itself in whatever I’m doing- especially driving. I only get angry when I’ve got Ben with me. I crunched a couple of gears as I tried to calm down but other than that my driving was fine. When we got to our destination I got there, I pulled up and instead of parking up nicely I stalled the car at an angle on the drive, got out and slammed the door and the back door for effect (yes, I opened it just to slam it). I chucked Ben’s bags out of the car and onto the kerb and then just started walking away. I walked away from my car and from Ben. I trudged to my Gran’s house with Ben in tow and then had a panic attack of sorts on the doorstep. I said ‘I just can’t do this anymore’ but I had no idea what I was blubbing about. I don’t know whether I meant the relationship with Ben, my life in general or the driving. The world felt closed in on me and I wanted to completely escape from everything. I told Ben to leave me alone and I went into my Gran’s house (of course he followed because I was his ride home). I then had a pang of conscience and decided that if someone clipped my wing mirror because I’d parked wonky it’d be my own fault. I went back to my car and parked perfectly first time. It seems to be the minute Ben gets in my car that I don’t feel safe or comfortable in my own driving ability. How can he have the effect on me? Mostly I’m fine when I’m on my own. How can someone that I ‘love’ make me feel so hollow and uncomfortable and lacking in confidence? I know it’s not his fault but last night I didn’t think we’d make it beyond the drive home. 5 months ago
