Conquer my fear of driving

Today I was driving home from work and my legs started to ache and maybe even hurt a little. I have leg problems, so sometimes it happens (though it shouldn’t anymore). I made it safely (just about) to the corner of my road. I turned the corner and had to stop because a sports car was parked about 6-7ft from the corner. I pushed the front of the car out so I could see round and a great oaf of a red sports car was hooning it towards me. I went to put the car in reverse but to be honest it was too late because he had barely slowed down at all. It was a tight gap for him to squeeze through but he was going to try. As I went to reverse the car my leg gave way and I stalled it. With a glare, as he wedged himself through the gap, he carried on.

I didn’t recognise him but I knew his car. Why is it that men have no patience!!!! He didn’t damage either of our cars… but that look that he gave me… that’s the reason I don’t like driving! (AND OF COURSE THE FACT THAT I DON’T TRUST MYSELF!) Because other people are so rude and so impatient- courteous Britain goes out of the window when you put people in cars!!!!

Today I scrapped my manky little car mats… but not just because they were manky. It turns out I have a flood inside my car.

It has been raining heavily, here on the south east cost of England. Torrential downpours infact so that the kids I teach all have shoes filled with water for class and whine about it constantly. Can’t really blame them because I too have been joining in. I am however sensible enough to bring a spare pair of shoes to swap with inside the building- ahhh yes.

Anyway, on the left hand side in the back passenger footwell there is… about 2-3 centimetres of water. I was stood at school sponging it out this morning and it smelled like PONDWATER.

STUPID CAR!!! I knew something would have to go wrong. Last month it was the battery which died on me. This month I have the start of an in car aquarium!

It’s not coming from the doors as far as I can tell. There are no holes in the roof. It isn’t wet on the seats. My dad says ‘Water can’t rise up into the car’ (because it’s not flooded)- when I suggested this to him. Tad said that the car could have a hole in the bottom and the water’s flicked upwards and built up as I’ve driven through puddles. He then proceeded to pull at the seals on the doors and windows. Sensible. Not.

So, now I’m thinking that maybe I don’t want to drive it again. I think I need to get more confidence in my ride… ANYONE KNOW WHY MY CAR COULD HAVE WATER IN JUST ONE FOOTWELL???

It ices up on the inside and is a bit like a sweat box in summer. It is wet when it’s cold outside & the condensation is ridiculous. The mats are horrid- grey rubber and so I’m going to scrap them and replace them.

I keep my car clean- except for the boot which is FULL of rubbish (this needs looking at).

It is due for MOT in January so this is something I need to sort out & then I can allay my fears that it’ll fall to pieces on me.

I should check the oil levels.

ACHIEVEMENTS: last night I filled my OWN car up with petrol- as opposed to persuading someone else to do it for me. I didn’t smell the petrol at all because it was raining and there was only 2 other people on the forecourt bit. I’d call that a result!

I’ve driven to my new job twice and although I’m convinced I nearly killed myself today due to some harsh braking… all was ok. I have made it with relatively little harm done except maybe to my nerves and although I wouldn’t say I’m confident with driving here, there and everywhere- I am getting there at a snail’s pace. I know how to drive- sort of- I just need to remind myself of it.

My parking is still appalling- but then I noticed in the staff carpark today- SO IS EVERYONE ELSES. I am just more paranoid than everyone else.

One of my closest friends told me that the other day when we were talking about my fear of driving but it took some wonky little sports cars and the odd old banger to make me realise it.

I passed my driving test in 2008. I can’t say I was very excited to be doing it but I had reached a relaxed state in which I felt I could drive competently. I was chilled and reacting to hazards well- I took it all in my stride and I passed. It was a shock but a pretty good one.

Then I stalled on buying a car until February of this year. I then decided not to insure the car until my 21st Birthday. That was almost 6 months without driving. After that I drove the car very little because I felt I’d lost the skills I had taken so long to pick up. I went out on one trip and the car popped out of gear while I was driving along. I panicked and pulled over. Ever the worrier!

While pulled over, I began feeling stressed like the veins were going to pop out of my head and I could feel myself saying that I didn’t want to drive home… Then, while sat in the drivers seat a delightful police officer decided to pop his head through the window and tell me I looked nervous and could he see my licence please. So I gave it to him. By now I was a wreck. He was satisfied and I went to pull away from the road side. My hands were shaking. The car wouldn’t go into gear. It appeared to be in gear but I couldn’t find the bite point. The car stalled at least six times before it went into 1st cleanly and I could pull away.

Then as I was driving along I got 2 roads from my house and I lost my breath. I pulled over and had a full blown panic attack. I felt like the world was coming to an end. I couldn’t get enough oxygen. My face went red. My heart felt like it was going to stop and explode at the same time. Ben pinched me really hard and then collapsed my seat on me- he had been there all along but stressing me out and pushing me into going further than I wanted to and to driving to places I didn’t know. He said he thought that the shock of my seat going back on me would snap me out of it but of course it didn’t. I can still feel that sinking sensation now whenever I sit in my car.

I think perhaps I always think- if I can stall a car or I can not realise that it’s not properly in gear. If it breaks down on me or whatever… then I don’t deserve to be on the road. I mean what if there was an accident or something??? I certainly wouldn’t cope with that.

But now I have a new job which requires me driving a 20 minute drive on busy roads during rush hour. I got a taxi in today because I was so scared I couldn’t persuade myself to even sit in my car. I need to conquer it and get better at driving because it’s seriously affecting my life and my bank balance at the moment!!!

I’m a little embarrassed to be almost 21 and still not have my license. Whenever I get behind the wheel my legs shake uncontrollably and I forget EVERYTHING I’m supposed to do. :( It’s sad because I really want the freedom to go wherever I want.

Well, today I drove half-way home, so that was good, but I was still a nervous reck, but it went O.k., I need so much practice, I even almost forgot to turn off the car. But so far so good. I just get extremely nervous and anxious about forgetting what to do, running into a car, or forgetting to press on the gas. My moms w/ me but I still get nervous cus I don’t want to mess up her car or anyone else’s car. But all I need is practice, practice, practice, so that I can get to that next level.

I’m 20 years old and well, I still can’t drive, I’ve been beating myself up b/c of this for so long. When I was in High School I took Drivers Ed. and after that I decided to go to the DMV to get my permit so that I could drive with the instructor at school, I needed my permit and $100 bucks in order to do that. But I failed the written exam for my permit 3 times and I was so upset. I just felt like giving up, then a lot of things were going on at home, I was getting ready for graduation, and the senior trip, and I moved to another state, so the whole driving thing was in the back of my mind. But I feel like I will never learn how to drive and get my license, I just feel like I don’t have enough time with school about to start and working now. I just don’t know what do to, but I know I need to learn how to drive, my mom is pretty much the only person teaching me now and she gets frustrated b/c I still can’t drive that well and then I get upset cause she’s upset and I still can’t drive. I just get so nervous and scared like I’m going to forget what to do, or get in an accident, or mess up my mom’s go. I need to get over this fear sooo bad or I will be riding the bus, walking, and trying to ask for rides my whole life, I don’t want that. I want to get out and have a social life and just travel and visit people, and just do what ever I have to do. I’m just at my limit right now.

Well they say it’s never too late but—-today I went out on the road for an hour and a half with a driving instructor to practice merging and highway driving. Highways have been a big fear provoker for me forever! I’ve always avoided them and always meant to practice but fear of harming others or myself always prevented me from practicing on my own. So I’m paying almost $100 bucks a lesson in order to build up my confidence and skills. I thought that I’d need just the one lesson, but after seeing the way things went today (hesitating inappropriately and feeling nervous) I’ve concluded that I will likely need at least 2 more times out with this instructor before venturing out on my own. By the way I’m a middle aged woman , so this has been a big step for me. I encourage anybody else out there who is frightened to take that first step of calling or visiting a driving school to set up an adult driving lesson.

I’ve been trained to be afraid of driving, basically, but at 19, I can’t be afraid of getting in my car and getting my license anymore.

I just need somebody to practice with…